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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to protect children from films too old for them?

53 replies

elcoucho · 17/04/2016 09:08

I work as a nanny for a family who have two children aged 8 and 9. The parents have recently started giving the 9 year old videos to watch which are age-rated 12 and even 15 including Titanic, Schindler's List, and The Shawshank Redemption. I have expressed my shock but the parents think I am being prudish. The parents are well educated and work in the creative industries and have high hopes for the child becoming a famous film director and it seems they want to expose him to different kinds of film, not just Disney. Is there anything I could/should do about this situation? The child seems unperturbed by the films, which to me is also shocking.

OP posts:

UmbongoUnchained · 17/04/2016 09:09

Fuck all to do with you!

Andrewofgg · 17/04/2016 09:10

MYOB. Not your children.

Nibbl3s · 17/04/2016 09:12

Those are hardly shocking films I watched 12 rated movies at that age, really not a big deal IMO.

dementedpixie · 17/04/2016 09:12

I have taken my 8/9 year old to 12A rated films so I suppose they would be rated 12 on the dvd. Not really your business

Grilledaubergines · 17/04/2016 09:13

Nothing you can do OP. But I do agree with you. Age ratings are there for a reason. Some films are just not suitable for children.

PPie10 · 17/04/2016 09:13

'Protect' them?? How dramatic of you. Myob.

TealLove · 17/04/2016 09:14

I agree with you. Those are awful images to put into childs mind.

Birdsgottafly · 17/04/2016 09:16

Those titles wouldn't concern me, if anything they have a strong moral message and show up how destructive bigotry and hatred is.

If the titles were overly violent you'd have a point.

Do they watch Anime? I'd suggest that, if you want a balance.

redcaryellowcar · 17/04/2016 09:17

I would feel very awkward in the same situation. Surely there are well directed films that they could watch that aren't 12/15 rated?
I am startled at how young children are warm thing star wars etc (my DC are 4 and 2 and have 4yo friends who've seen it)

SleepyBoBo · 17/04/2016 09:18

You're being prudish, it's none of yours.

'Not just Disney' - those films are nice and shiny, but most of them have a horrible message of a woman's worth is only to look pretty and get married. I think it's healthy to have a mix of visual entertainment from a younger age. Life isn't Disney.

UmbongoUnchained · 17/04/2016 09:19

I really don't see the problem with those films. If it was Texas chainsaw massacre then perhaps you'd have a point (although the I was watching slasher films at that age).
Completely up to the parent and depending on the maturity of the child.

AuntieStella · 17/04/2016 09:19

A 12 on DVD is 12A in the cinema, so neither you nor cinema would be breaking any laws f you took them to see those films on the big screen.

The 'A' rating gives parents discretion, which these ones are exercising. DVDs are sold as 12s (no 'A') because you cannot police whether all purchasers will ensure that under 12s watch with an adult.

Do you watch with them?

Because of course you need to report to the parents if there is something about the films that is too much for them.

My DC certainly watched some 12(A) films at home and in cinema when I thought they were ready for them.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 17/04/2016 09:21

My favourite movie growing up was Aliens, I saw Jaws when I was 4/5 and I watched Schlinder's list before I attended secondary school. I think age guidelines are just that, guidelines. If parents think their children can handle watching something without being scared then it's up to them.

Watching Schlinder's List is always going to be harrowing, I don't put it in the same category as the other films. I think watching it around that age range is fine. Year 5/6 is when we started learning about the second world war, the holocaust is a major part of that time which shouldn't be skirted around.

Andrewofgg · 17/04/2016 09:25

Ratings on DVDs are nonsense from top to bottom. Once they are sold they are out. Unless you want to censor what adults watch you have to accept that the children might watch too.

milkysmum · 17/04/2016 09:25

Nothing to do with you sorry. I don't think those films are horrific and I'm sure they know there own children and if they are mature enough to cope with the themes of the films. Some children that age would than them a bit boring, others fascinating, some very upsetting, others not I think it's very individual really and for the parent to decide

NerrSnerr · 17/04/2016 09:25

It's not your call. It's not like they're watching Saw or something. I think you're being over dramatic.

Brokenbiscuit · 17/04/2016 09:30

Hmm, my dd is 10. I'm fairly relaxed about her seeing "older" films, and she has watched quite a lot of 12-rated films, and even a couple of 15s when I've been familiar with the content and deemed them to be ok. She isn't easily upset by stuff and is able to distinguish easily between fact and fiction.

Personally, I'd be fine with her watching Titanic. She hasn't seen it, but I know lots of her friends have. I'd also be fine with her watching Shawshank (one of my favourite ever films!) but I haven't shown it to her yet as I think she'll appreciate it a bit more when she's older.

Schindler's list, I'm not so sure. I haven't seen it for a long time but remember it being quite upsetting. I think I'd prefer to wait until she is 12- ish before letting her watch that.

But in your situation, OP, you don't really get to decide I'm afraid. The parents get to make that choice. No harm is expressing your concerns to the mum and dad if you feel really strongly, but ultimately, you have to accept their (reasonable) decision.

Witchend · 17/04/2016 09:30

It depends a lot on the child for the ones you name.
I'm sure if my 8yo watched Titanic he would become very agitated... At the historical inaccuracies.
My 15yo would be totally uninterested (about love... Yuck!)
My 12yo would be distraught.

I've also found it's often things you don't even suspect would be distressing that they can react to. Bedknobs and broomsticks anyone?

RainbowPickle · 17/04/2016 09:31

I think you have to look at it in a film by film and child by child basis. I was traumatised by Schindlers List when I watched at 16 but I was always a sensitive child (cried my eyes out at Big, Chronicles of Narnia, Ghost) and as an adult I choose not to watch horror movies. My school friends loved Nightmare on Elm street I had to sleep with lights on for a year after. However we took our 4 year old to see the latest Star Wars movie and she loved it (it's rated 12a) She's a massive fan, I did my research and I know she's fine with popcorn type movies. She was more upset when she watched Cinderella when her mother & father die!

CastielsClevererBetterSister · 17/04/2016 09:31

Schindler's list is a bit heavy for 8 or 9 year olds. My DS is 8. He's a history nerd and he is aware of the holocaust but I just think the film itself, the way it's shot wouldn't interest him. He watches the marvel films (he's also hero obsessed). If someone told me they were shocked at him watching that I'd tell them I'd watched it first and knew he could handle it. His 5 year old sister handles it better than he does too.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 17/04/2016 09:40

I agree with you OP. The film's you mentioned are not suitable at all for younger children. However as they are not your children you don't have a say.

Mousefinkle · 17/04/2016 09:44

A lot of Disney films are dark and disturbing anyway. They all have quite dark undertones, they're not as light and fluffy as people imagine. Schindlers list is a great film, I'm surprised a nine year old would sit through it and fully understand what was going on though. I would perhaps wait till 12, simply so they could grasp it better. Titanic is soft, I'd happily let even a 7 year old watch that. They're not your children anyway so you really have no say in this.

HailGallaxhar · 17/04/2016 09:45

I'm with you to some degree, OP. Firstly, I wouldn't want a 9 year old boy seeing the rape scene in The Shawshank Redemption, I don't want DD exposed to sexual content or violent content before a time that I think is appropriate.

Similarly I think the Marvel films aren't suitable for my three year old nephew, but his parents take him anyway.

Films that don't have that stuff but are just more adult in themes though, I don't have a problem with, provided me or DP would be watching alongside to talk through the content with her.

newnameoldstart · 17/04/2016 09:47

I probably would not let my 11 year old watch those films BUT not based on her age based on the fact she gets upset easily and has anxiety attacks. My 9 year old I wouldn't be so worried about as he is generally sturdier!

SaucyJack · 17/04/2016 09:53

I don't understand your problem. My 9 year old loves a bit of prison rape at screwdriver point. Perfectly suitable viewing for a primary school child.

Aren't we all wonderfully liberal this morning (!)

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