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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to protect children from films too old for them?

53 replies

elcoucho · 17/04/2016 09:08

I work as a nanny for a family who have two children aged 8 and 9. The parents have recently started giving the 9 year old videos to watch which are age-rated 12 and even 15 including Titanic, Schindler's List, and The Shawshank Redemption. I have expressed my shock but the parents think I am being prudish. The parents are well educated and work in the creative industries and have high hopes for the child becoming a famous film director and it seems they want to expose him to different kinds of film, not just Disney. Is there anything I could/should do about this situation? The child seems unperturbed by the films, which to me is also shocking.

OP posts:
Amummyatlast · 17/04/2016 09:57

I know. I love the Shawshank Redepution, but it is not suitable for a 9 year old. Are people forgetting the rape and murder?

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 17/04/2016 09:57

I know SaucyJack. Remarkable Wink

Amummyatlast · 17/04/2016 09:58

I know. I love the Shawshank Redepution, but it is not suitable for a 9 year old. Are people forgetting the rape and murder?

Dragongirl10 · 17/04/2016 10:14

Op you are not being unreasonable at all...wish you were my nanny as you sound very responsible! I would absolutely not let my dc age 8 and 10 watch those films.

Please ignore the rude replies a one or two here have posted, you are NBU to ask the question.. i don't understand the unhelpful attitude of the few.

Could you broach the subject gently with parents? express your concerns and why carefully and maybe they will listen.....if not there is little you can do other than consider if this is the place for you if they persist in parenting in a way that counteracts your views. Depends how strongly you feel.

Well done for trying to to the best for the dcs, rather than taking the easiest route, if only all nannies were like you.

StormyBlue · 17/04/2016 10:15

I am pretty liberal, but I'm struggling to see how people think Shawshank is healthy viewing for a prepubescent child.

Titanic - no horrific violence, human tragedy but no worse than what they will see in the news most days, loving and consensual sex which leaves most to the imagination. I would be fine with that for a 9 year old.

Shawshank redemption - spousal homicide theme, prisoner beaten to death, main character anal raped, main character almost forced to give a blow job at knife point, rapist beaten until he can never walk again, young father looking to get back on the right track character shot in the head for trying to do the right think, we are shown that old man hanging himself, main character tortured through sensory deprivation - am I forgetting anything?

I mean, it's an amazing film, but really? 9? My DSS is 9 at the moment and mature for his age, but no way could he watch that and not be disturbed.

yorkshapudding · 17/04/2016 10:15

Prison rape, murder, suicide...have any of those saying 'it's fine' actually watched the Shawshank Redemption?? It is absolutely not appropriate for a 9 year old.

I can understand the parents wanting their children to watch something other than Disney but there has to be a middle ground between cartoon mice and an elderly man hanging himself.

enchantedfairytale · 17/04/2016 10:23

YADNBU.

I don't get too worked up about a 14 yo seeing a 15 rated film, but I saw some pretty upsetting films at a young age thanks to my older brother, and they really upset me, to the point where I slept in with my mum for weeks after seeing It.

CaptainCrunch · 17/04/2016 11:36

My ds is almost 15 and watched Shawshank for the first time about a month ago. He thought it was an incredible film but was very upset at some scenes. The idea of an 8 or 9 year old watching it is pretty disturbing.

AuntieStella · 17/04/2016 12:09

I haven't watched Shawshank, we don't have the DVD and I haven't taken the DC to see it in the cinema. I didn't mean to endorse any specific named films. Just to point out that a 12(A) is passed as suitable for under 12s if accompanied by an adult.

I don't actually know how anyone would go about getting a BBFC classification changed. Are any of the posters who think 12/12A is wrong for Shawshank aware of anything (campaign? petition?) being done to alter it?

SaucyJack · 17/04/2016 12:15

The Shawshank Redemption has a 15 cert. in the UK Stella, and always has AFAIA :-)

DilysPrice · 17/04/2016 12:26

The OP said 12 and 15 certificates Stella.

I don't think that MYOB is an appropriate response to a nanny who has genuine concerns about the parenting decisions being made in respect of her charges, especially if she's being required to cooperate with those decisions. Should she put Ribena in a teething baby's bottle, or baby rice in a newborn's bottle if that's what the parent requests? Neither of those are illegal or will cause visible harm to the baby but they're not something I'd want to participate in.
I don't know what to advise you though OP. I'd classify this as something which is not ideal for the child but not harmful enough to be worth making a major, job quitting stand over.

IrregularCommentary · 17/04/2016 12:26

None of your business I'm afraid OP. I'd be offended if you raised the issue with me over what my kids watched. It sounds like the parents know the contents of these films and as such have made a conscious decision to let their DCs watch them.

Having said that, there's no way I'd personally let kids that age watch Shawshank!

PaulAnkaTheDog · 17/04/2016 12:31

Shawshank is not appropriate, there's no question on that! However, the rest are probably alright. But it's none of your business though.

Hulababy · 17/04/2016 12:34

DD is just turned 14y - in the past year we have allowed her to watch some 15s, but only after we have checked them out and read about their content online (common sense media. iMBd, etc) and often if DH has seen them. And we are not afraid to turn them off if we feel they aren't appropriate. I know she could probably see them at friends without us knowing but as her parents we feel its better to be a bit more open and chat about them first, etc. I wouldn't have allowed her to watch them as a preteen and younger.

12s are different ime - at a cinema they are 12A which means they just need parental permission; they don't even need to have an adult go in with them generally. They often say 12 on the DVD, but the exact same film was rated slightly different at the cinema. So with each of them I'd have taken a view on individual films, when she was that age. But DD def saw some 12 films much younger - Harry Potter films 4 onwards were probably the first ones and she was def younger that 12 by a long way.

Dancergirl · 17/04/2016 12:37

YANBU and you sound like a very caring nanny.

Very surprised by all the 'mind your own business' responses. Is this the sort of walk on by society we live in?

Child protection is EVERYONE's business and protecting children from watching unsuitable films is important.

Alexa444 · 17/04/2016 12:43

I watched Titanic younger than that. My nieces have watched the boy in striped pyjamas with her class at school and she is 8.

TeenAndTween · 17/04/2016 12:54

YANBU
You have a few options

  • put up and shut up
  • try to persuade but give in otherwise
  • leave if it makes you too uncomfortable
gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 17/04/2016 12:55

I agree with you, OP. Those guidelines are there for a reason and there are things in life that children should be protected from. You're not unreasonable to want to do that for children in your care; it's those instincts that make you good at your job and give your role heart. However as with anything else it's not your decision if they're not your children. All you can do is report any distress and, if you do feel strongly enough, refuse to show them to the children while they are in your care-which you have a perfect right to do is it's really a matter of conscience.

BonnieF · 17/04/2016 14:48

I'm very liberal and non-prudish, but I definitely would not consider the rape scene in Shawshank suitable for pre-teens.

The only concern I would have about them watching Titanic, however, would be subjecting them to that bloody awful song.

Original poster
elcoucho · 17/04/2016 16:37

Many thanks for all your comments and sound advice. Of course I never usually get involved in parenting decisions (a raised eyebrow is usually as far as I go) but I have lived with these children for five years and genuinely care for their well-being. I once worked for a family who beat their children with a belt - I hope no-one thinks that was none of my business?

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 17/04/2016 16:49

My dp watched the Shawshank Redemption for the first time ever last year. He was 30, and he cried when Brooke hung himself. Not suitable for a 9 year old.

I think titanic is fine though.

EskSmith · 17/04/2016 16:54

I have a mature 9 year old. I wouldn't let her watch any of those films. Children have plenty of age related content, why do some feel the need to push their children on to watching often violent films so early?

On your issue other than a raised eyebrow unfortunately there isn't much you can do. It seems likely you may have to field the questions that will inevitably arise from their exposure to this unsuitability, that may give you a way to discussing this with the parents?

GahBuggerit · 17/04/2016 17:04

myob in respect of this op. age ratings are a load of crap. decent parents are very capable of deciding whats appropriate subjective viewing for their children, not you or a board of overpaid whatevertheyarecalleds

ill never forget being extremely distressed watching an old cartoon about rabbits that was made FOR children ffs. it was awful there isnt a snowflakes chance in hell id let my 7 year old watch it hed have nightmares for weeks.

id be a bit Hmm about some of The Shawshank scenes but this really isnt anything for you to get involved in.

Dancergirl · 17/04/2016 17:09

age ratings are a load of crap

errmm no they're not.

specialsubject · 17/04/2016 17:20

wow.

Shawshank; rape, explicit violence, lots of swearing, suicides, murders
Titanic; a true story of the deaths of 1500 people.
Schindlers List; only seen it once so can't remember too clearly, but lots of very disturbing scenes commensurate with the subject matter. The Imperial War Museum Holocaust exhibition is not suggested for under 12s and this film shows it all in realistic live action.

must be just me then that thinks these are completely unsuitable for a 9 year old. With the possible exception of Titanic which will just bore him rigid.

there is a middle ground between these and Disney.

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