AIBU to think that DCs should be served first?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

When dining with my family, we always serve the children first. It gives us time and space to cut up food, get them sorted with sauces etc. Then, when the adult food arrives everyone is ready to tuck in.

I have been eating out recently with friends and more often than not the adults are served first. Why do restaurants do this? It causes more faff than necessary. Back in the dark ages when I waited tables we were told to serve children first. Happy DCs = happy bill payers.

So AIBU to think DCs should be served first?

Many posters on this thread seem to assume that all children are toddlers who need their food chopping up. That only happens for about three years. It is a relatively short period of time in childhood. If children are very young perhaps it would be sensible for waiters should ask if parents want their food in sittings but either wise it would be ridiculous to give children their food before adults.

Exactly, and those who think that the wait staff should know whether you want kids food first are expecting a lot of guesswork from them! Do you really think that a 19 year old waiter, for example, would know how old your children are and the relative likelihood of you needing their food first so you can spend endless time chopping and teaching and stopping tantrums?

Bitout, it's mostly Dcs served first, followed by everyone eats at the same time (so doesn't matter) with a minority wanting adults served first.

So yes the default should be DCs served first. Yay.

Er no, not a majority, and even if it was, your needs don't trump everyone else, so no defaults.

Like it was said in the start, this is not a problem, it doesn't need the fuss, and the rest of the planet doesn't need all the food serving places to change to suit a tiny minority of parents who want to spend ages faffing around with childrens food.

There already is a default in almost all places: all people eating at one table get their food together. You know, like normal people do. If you need something different, say so, and leave everyone elses dinner alone.

The whole children first business seems a bit too organised for me. Meals delivered, cut up, eat. Meals are fairly social and any assistance (for kids or others) just sort of fits in from day 1. It sort of flows...

Look at that chicken, shall I cut it up a bit for you? Have you seen the new Star Wars movie... Oh, let me pass you the butter, Auntie Mabel. Would you mind helping Jimmy with his sausages? Thanks. Yeah, the movie is great. Johnny, don't eat with your fingers please. Would you like to try my fish? Yes, please. I didn't like the movie much.

Dione I know you really are detremined to NBU but I think you must be reading a different thread from me

I love this exchange:

Want2bSupermum: tigger either you don't have DC or it's been a while since they were toddlers
Tigger: Want I have five children under 12, youngest less then a year old.
Want: oh

And Want I still think that a. 10 minutes is a massive exaggeration for cutting up foor and/or b. your kids sound like they are not ready to eat out if it takes that long to get them to sit down

YABU, we eat out in quality restaurants quite often and the dcs are served at the same time as the adults and we all prefer it that way. If you'd like it to happen differently you should make the request.

I walked away from this thread last night because I find tigger to be goading. It's their opinion everyone should be served together. I request my kids are served first. Not a huge ask and I'm fine if they can't do it as I can easily order something cold. We all want different things and I agree we need to communicate. It's just frustrating when you do communicate and it doesn't happen.

As to my kids behaviour, I find it unbelievable that these families with more DC are so well behaved when they go out. We have eaten out 7 times this week so far and I've had two meals where I had to correct my kids more than once (elbows on the table, chewing with their mouths open) and my son is a challenge in terms of running about (totally unacceptable and extremely dangerous in a restaurant setting). He hasn't done it this week yet (week not over so can't say he won't do it). I'm not about to order delivery to avoid the problem of him sometimes not sitting down. We have found that exposing DS, who has noise sensitivity, to restaurant eating it's really helped him learn how to cope in more noisy/ busy environments.

My restaurant pet peeve is hot liquids being held over my kids heads. Refills of coffee, bowls of soup etc being held over a baby put at the end of the table is just not a good idea.

Oh and 10mins to cut up two plates of food is not every meal. I was clear that it SOMETIMES takes this long.

No Want2, you weren't. You also haven't mentioned that your DS has issues with noise either as far as I know - drip feed much?. And as for tigger being goady, you have a very superior tone I'm afraid eg where you made the massive assumption about what DC she has

But at the end of the day, it's a thread on a forum about a not-very-important issue so

I got an email from the restaurant!

They have "consulted" other customers and instructed staff to serve children first. They thanked me for my feedback.

Yay for me.

I walked away from this thread last night because I find tigger to be goading. It's their opinion everyone should be served together

Mine and the rest of the civilised universe. BUT if you actually read what I said (repeatedly) I am only delighted for you to have your children served first, if that is you wont. Makes no difference to me, have at it.
My problem is that your need to have your children served first should not mean that everyone everywhere serves children first, unasked for. Several people are calling for their specific need to be a default option, which is patently ridiculous. It's like suggesting everyone everywhere is served gluten free food because you personally are coeliac.

Nothing goady there, a perfectly reasonable opinion that I imagine 9 out of 10 people would share if asked.

Oh and the by, I was perfectly pleasant when you so wrongly suggested I have no children, and couldn't possibly know about toddlers, considering I have many more than you. You didn't apologise for your mistake and I let it go, so a bit of a cheek for you to be complaining about me.

I do like the the waiting staff ask the dcs for their order first, rather than looking at the parents to order for them. The serving of the dc's main course during the adult's starter is an unpleasant position to land yourself in....dcs have pudding while you have main and then what - they are never happy to sit there while you eat your pudding!

Want2Be, the more DCs you have the less likely you are as a parent to have time for misbehaviour, partly because the parent is completely outnumbered.

As more children were added to my family I found myself becoming I'm not sure ruthless is the word but certainly absolutely determined that the DCs sat up and paid attention when I spoke sternly, and that they didn't cause me to speak sternly too often.

I also learned not to sweat the small stuff when we were out, and not just because it is a pain in the ass to be always correcting children, not relaxing for me or for them, and no fun for my fellow diners-out either, but because children tune you out if you are always being stern (aka nagging), and they tune you out when you give instructions that are important just as much as when you give instructions that are not 'elbows off the table' is small potatoes and covered at home an elbow on the table in a restaurant where plenty of other people have elbows on tables is not important. However, 'sit on your chair at all times in a restaurant' is extremely important, so that is what I concentrated on when we were out. Sternness has to be rationed or it loses its impact.

I also learned not to sweat the small stuff when we were out, and not just because it is a pain in the ass to be always correcting children, not relaxing for me or for them, and no fun for my fellow diners-out either, but because children tune you out if you are always being stern (aka nagging), and they tune you out when you give instructions that are important just as much as when you give instructions that are not 'elbows off the table' is small potatoes and covered at home an elbow on the table in a restaurant where plenty of other people have elbows on tables is not important. However, 'sit on your chair at all times in a restaurant' is extremely important, so that is what I concentrated on when we were out. Sternness has to be rationed or it loses its impact. < This!!!

We eat out for pleasure, nothing worse that overhearing people constantly nagging their kids about table manners - it sounds awful, makes everyone else feel uncomfortable which in itself is bad manners. When they were small I used to take the dcs outside if needed to remind them they had to behave, ie quiet voice and bums on seats, or the pudding course would not be appearing because we'd be going home before it arrived. Of course now they are older a stern glance from me is enough to remind them to calm down a little.

As a family we wait until everyone has their food to start eating, I'd feel a bit of a plank sat watching my DC eat tbh.

All food should come at the same time, mind, for large parties I'd expect to have 2 or 3 waiting staff bringing it out.

I'm a restaurant manager. During staff training I always teach that family's with young children, especially toddlers, are to be asked if they want cold plates sent out separately to chop food onto/tea spoons to eat with/kids mains with starters, and I do the same when I'm working the floor. We've all been known to give babies a bottle or just take them for a cuddle so parents can eat their food nice and hot.