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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that DCs should be served first?

167 replies

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/04/2016 17:11

When dining with my family, we always serve the children first. It gives us time and space to cut up food, get them sorted with sauces etc. Then, when the adult food arrives everyone is ready to tuck in.

I have been eating out recently with friends and more often than not the adults are served first. Why do restaurants do this? It causes more faff than necessary. Back in the dark ages when I waited tables we were told to serve children first. Happy DCs = happy bill payers.

So AIBU to think DCs should be served first?

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 19/04/2016 22:42

tigger You are being very judgy and it doesn't suit you. I've tried to explain how things work in my family but you have chosen not to listen. Instead you judge me for trying my best teach my DC how to function in this world. I'm happy that your DC have had no issues learning how to behave each and every time you step out of your home.

Also, my username sums up my approach to parenting. I try my best to parent as well as I can do. If people like you judge me to be deficient so be it. I'm doing the best I can and I'm not ashamed or put off by others who judge my efforts negatively. My kids are not perfect and neither is my parenting. Heyho! Let's hope we don't dine with our DC in the same establishments.

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 19/04/2016 23:50

I'm happy that your DC have had no issues learning how to behave each and every time you step out of your home

Pretty judgy yourself there, aren't you? You know nothing about my children, so why would you say that, unless you're judging? Pot, kettle, etc.

mathanxiety · 20/04/2016 04:06

Greys, the correction shouldn't have to be done more than once. Correction for the same thing every time they go out means something is not being understood.

If my DCs did what they were told not to do more then once while eating out, we would pay for the food and leave the restaurant and eat PB&Js for dinner, at home. Also, I usually took the precaution of feeding the youngest or most troublesome a little snack before we left if we were going out. This meant they weren't ravenous, crabby, and unreceptive to instructions when we got to the restaurant and it didn't matter so much if the meals arrived twenty minutes after ordering.

They were taught at home not to leave the table until they asked to at the end of their meal and if allowed, to go off and amuse themselves quietly while others finished. Like Tigger, I had five under 12 at one point and any other way of doing things would have meant mayhem.

GraysAnalogy · 20/04/2016 09:42

It shouldn't have to be done more than once? Surely that depends on the age of the child. And an idea often needs to be reinforced to children.

blindsider · 20/04/2016 16:04

and we wonder why the young have the idea the world revolves round them....

wrcm · 20/04/2016 16:10

We always request that the kids meals are brought out first or with starters if we have them so that our dinner isn't having to go cold trying to keep them occupied then cutting food up/cooling it down... I serve kids dinner/lunch first when we are in the house. Plus you're not sitting at the end of your meal waiting for the kids to finish as sometimes they can be really really slow eaters...

MrsHathaway · 20/04/2016 16:14

My pet peeve is my sons food coming on a boiling hot plate.

When they say "can I get you anything else?" that's my cue to ask for a cold plate. The toddler can be overfaced by a whole child's portion, but the same meal one potato, a few peas and a few cutted up pieces of chicken at a time will disappear into his hollow legs.

MrsHathaway · 20/04/2016 16:20

Incidentally the worst we experienced in a restaurant was during a wedding where we had three courses and the DC had two (and we weren't told in advance what the deal was).

Our starters arrived. The DC had eaten the biscuits and raisins from their activity packs and were ravenous. So they helped us with our starters.

Then their mains arrived. As the edge had now been taken off their appetites, they ate slowly, noisily and messily.

Our main course arrived. DC now twitchy and getting bored. Baby DC3 needed a bf and a nap. I ate one-handed whilst bf, defending myself against wriggling older DC.

Our pudding arrived. We realised the raisins and biscuits had been the DCs' pudding. They ate our pudding out of boredom.

All of that would have been manageable if we'd known in advance so we could have paced ourselves better. Or if they'd served the children's mains with our starters which would have kept them busy for long enough for us to eat our own damn food.

I was starving. I missed the cake cutting taking the DC back to the hotel, so hit the vending machine hard.

BabyBuzz · 20/04/2016 16:26

I always ask our waitress/waiter to bring out the baby bowls first so I can feed our dc before my food arrives. Most people with young children understand and restaurant staff are used to it, so there usually isn't a problem. We have about an hour and a half grace before dc (baby and toddler) erupt and we have to leave, or risk disapproving glares and disdain from other diners. Daytime and afternoon meals are easier to manage in restaurants, rather than evenings because once 'witching hour' begins, it is a nightmare. It depends on who you are eating out with too.

Lifeonthefarm · 20/04/2016 16:44

I own a pub and restaurant and am intrigued to see that so many of you expect kids food to come out first without requesting that.
We do it if asked to, usually with adult starters.but otherwise all the mains just go together.
I will be bringing this up with
Our Foh team as maybe we should just be offering this as standard rather than on request.

Incidentally we dined put Sunday at was asked if we wanted kids food out with th starters (we would have requested it anyway) - which was great. What was not was that the chef 'didn't realise' and so it came out after we had had, eaten, and had cleared out 1st course. Que one extremely unhappy little chap as we had told him don't worry yours is just coming !! Not good.

chocomochi · 20/04/2016 16:58

I wouldn't want DCs food to come out before mine as they usually want to leave as soon as they have finished their food! Also, I tend to order DCs food from the normal menu, so all our food comes at the same time.

skankingpiglet · 20/04/2016 17:31

It doesn't so much bother me which order the food arrives in - if ours arrives first we just give DD a taste of it which she is more than satisfied with. Our issue is when her meal arrives on a scoldingly hot plate and the food itself is hotter than the sun and takes an age to cool down even if we cut it up to help it along. Once she has eyes on it she wants it, even if she had been waiting very patiently up to that point. She is only 22mo though.
I don't understand all this food cutting up business either. There is very little that comes with a child's meal that needs chopping. DD is proficient with a spoon and fork, and her fingers if those fail. Not the height of manners perhaps but she's a small child. If it's a big chunk she just takes bitefuls at a time. The only reason to cut is to cool the food IMO.

Pilgit · 20/04/2016 17:50

In France and Italy my experience is that the children are always served first for all the good reasons given above. We should not have to ask it is such an obviously good idea! It's akin to assuming that meals turn up together and hot - these things are just obvious common sense. Keep the children fed and they are easier to manage.

I just don't get why it doesn't occur to so many restaurants in the UK!

beautygal29 · 20/04/2016 18:30

We've had it recently that my sons always comes out way after ours by which point he's eaten nearly half of ours whilst waiting. He's only 3 so he doesn't understand why his dinner isn't there yet. Very annoying!

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 20/04/2016 18:30

I will be bringing this up with Our Foh team as maybe we should just be offering this as standard rather than on request

At most simply ask what people would prefer. Lots of us don't want the kids food first, and would be annoyed if you landed the kids food out long before the adults. We want to eat together, not in shifts!

I just don't get why it doesn't occur to so many restaurants in the UK!

Just because YOU think its a good idea doesn't mean we all do. Why do you think your preferences should be automatic for all?

BabyBuzz · 20/04/2016 18:32

There's an old saying "If you don't ask, you won't get!" or "Ask and you shall receive!"
I would ask but never assume the waitress/waiter know automatically.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 20/04/2016 18:35

There's an old saying "If you don't ask, you won't get!" or "Ask and you shall receive!"

Or in our neck of the woods "Shy bairns get nae sweeties"

rachelreallife · 20/04/2016 22:10

We only manage to eat together as a family once or twice a week so if we go out for dinner, we want to eat at the same time, hence I would not be amused if my son's food came out ten minutes before my own.

That being said, he is almost 6 yo now, so does not require his food to be cut up even if he does take a hundred years to eat a meal sometimes. When he was a toddler/pre-schooler, we asked for his meal to come out with our starters if we were having them or if we could have five minutes between his meal being served and ours. I don't think we ever had such a request refused.

FWIW my husband (who spent the best part of 20 years working as a chef in family friendly restaurant chains) response to the OP was "Are waiting staff and chefs meant to be mind readers now?". He also said that YABU if you haven't actually asked for the food to come at a different time and that in all the places he ever worked in, all food was sent out at the same time unless asked otherwise.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 20/04/2016 23:41

I think it's acceptable to bring all the food together, it's acceptable to bring the children's food first when bringing it all out from the kitchen, it's acceptable to bring it at a time requested by the customer (e.g. with starter/just prior to main etc). But unless it's been specifically requested, It's never acceptable to bring it 10 minutes after the parents main course has been brought, nooo sireee, no way! :o

mathanxiety · 21/04/2016 04:19

Greys, yes, there was a good deal of repetition in the privacy of my own home, and rules were therefore familiar. If they tried to carry on when we went out, one reminder was enough. We normally had a pep talk in the car too. I hated leaving restaurants with them because having so many children meant eating out was a welcome night off my normal routine of cooking for seven and clearing up afterwards. I did it once. I left grocery stores more than once however, so they knew I meant business.

EdmundSlackbladder · 21/04/2016 08:17

Hi Op. I run a restaurant and always take the children's food out first. It gives the parent time to cut up, add ketchup, remove unwanted veg etc. It means the parents can tuck straight into their food when it arrives and the children are distracted. It's common sense.

EdmundSlackbladder · 21/04/2016 08:20

I should add that most restaurants will have someone at the pass coordinating the flow of food and should be aware of these cases. It's also in the waiter/waitresses interest to make things easy for the parents. I know I tip better if someone has made my dining with kids experience a little less stressful.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/04/2016 09:14

Edmund I suggest you read the whole thread. It is pretty evenly divided among people who want kids served first and those that don't. Best solution is for waiting staff to ask. Rather than just assume that's what everyone wants.

TiggerPiggerPoohBumWee · 21/04/2016 09:35

But unless it's been specifically requested, It's never acceptable to bring it 10 minutes after the parents main course has been brought, nooo sireee, no way!

It's not acceptable to bring any diners main course ten minutes after their dining companions, the age of the diner is immaterial.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 21/04/2016 09:53

True! I have to say that there are places I haven't returned to for exactly that reason.