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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting in coffee shop instead of going home

48 replies

LetMeBe · 15/04/2016 10:00

I'm a SAHM with DD1 & DS 4 who is at preschool mon to weds. My husband is successful at work and often is home late so I'm with kids all time which i absolutely love but some days by 4pm I just want a break but don't have family or friends nearby they live 3 hours away.
So today was booked in for 9am appointment at dental clinic to have wisdom tooth removed. However dentist advised she could not remove and would refer to hospital.
So my appointment was very quick which meant I'd get home earlier than expected. My husband stayed home to look after DC and would leave to go work soon as I got home.
I came back and parked at home and just walked to local coffee shop for a nice relaxing drink. I did umm and ahh but thought I'd risk it as DH might spot my car parked outside.
AIBU that i haven't gone straight home?

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 15/04/2016 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sepa · 15/04/2016 10:04

Hell no. Set your phone to silent and enjoy

Arfarfanarf · 15/04/2016 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Baressentials · 15/04/2016 10:07

Fuck no. Enjoy the break and don't feel as though you even need to justify yourself. Treat yourself to a nice cake and watch the world go by for a bit. People watching is one of my only favourite hobbies Grin

PearSoup · 15/04/2016 10:07

YANBU
I have children the same age. Sometimes I have pretend I need the loo just to get some "me time!"

I would love to sit in a coffee shop on my own. I would hope that your DH would understand and encourage that too.

AdrenalineFudge · 15/04/2016 10:08

Yanbu. Hope you managed to squeeze in some breakfast too.

TheNaze73 · 15/04/2016 10:10

Seems odd that you couldn't just tell him???

Reading other threads, it's full of if he can lie about this what else could he be lying about.....

Not meaning to make a mountain out of a molehill, YANBU however, honesty is always the best policy

Baressentials · 15/04/2016 10:12

Oh yes I think you should definitely tell your dh. If he is a decent sort then he will surely understand?

Pinkheart5915 · 15/04/2016 10:14

Not unreasonable, everybody needs some me time
I agree with the pp your only mistake was parking at home

BastardGoDarkly · 15/04/2016 10:19

Yes, why did you park at home?

Yanbu at all, I went for a breakfast on my own after working early, it was absolute heaven not having to put sauce on any one else's plate, or constantly pulling wipes out, sometimes you have to carve yourself these treats, keeps you sane!

Kit30 · 15/04/2016 10:22

Don't tell DH. Why should you feel that you have to confess to some me time? He probably gets lots of mini breaks during working hours, plus the general interaction with other people who are not totally dependent on him for everything. You work hard, give yourself a guilt free break! In fact, I'll join you and we can put the world to rights Grin

Goingtobeawesome · 15/04/2016 10:24

Maybe better to have him look after the kids on a none work day? No time limitations for you and no work consequences for him.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/04/2016 10:26

Until I had children I didn't realise that however much you love them (and I love and adore my children so much) sometimes having an hour alone to drink coffee and read a paper is soooooo great!
I remember before I got pregnant reading a thread where a Mum was going to book into a Travelodge for a night for a rest and leave the kids with her DH, I tutted at the time but now wish I could do that too! (I wouldn't as hate being away from home but you get my point!)

Lindor · 15/04/2016 10:34

YANBU at all.
However, after having a wisdom tooth out you would probably be in no fit state to look after children. It can be quite painful x

ParadiseCity · 15/04/2016 10:39

DH and I are always putting ourselves out to fit around each other's work schedules. If he had an appointment I'd have to go in late and then work late. If I found out he wasn't at his appointment but was having a nice time in a coffee shop I'd be really pissed off.

BowChickaBowWow · 15/04/2016 10:52

YANBU! A few times I've left work early and stopped at a coffee shop/pub for an hour with my book, sheer bliss! Your only mistake was parking at home!

foragogo · 15/04/2016 10:55

YANBU I do this all the time

lottiegarbanzo · 15/04/2016 10:58

Well yes, depends on the consequences for DH. Can he un-book his leave and use it another time? For a wisdom tooth, presumably he's taken the whole day off and isn't expecting to get any work done while the DCs are around. Being able fill spare time with work is not the same as being able to claim the leave back.

BoopTheSnoot · 15/04/2016 11:04

YANBU. We all need a break sometimes. My DH also works very long hours, and it can be a bit isolating. Enjoy a little break, no harm done

Original poster
LetMeBe · 15/04/2016 11:24

Thanks for your replies not long home. I did consider parking elsewhere, We live in a parking permit area and can only park in our road otherwise would have to pay using play & display which isn't cheap. Any other areas near high street come into a different parking zone so would have the same problem.
Regarding the honesty I haven't actually 'told' him a lie and I'm such a chatterbox normally I always tell him every detail of what I'm up to.
What led me to not telling him, was that my husband often has to stay out after work to meet clients which involves dinner and drinks but he will often end up meeting friends straight so rather than coming straight home he ends up turning up at 12am. I'm totally fine with this if he's let me know. But often he will call at 6pm to say he's just going for a couple of beers with so and so and then by 10pm he's still not home, which I get really annoyed with as he just does not bother to atleast text to let me know. He will often just not let me know as I don't mind him being out late, I understand its part of his job and needs to see his mates it's just the not answering my calls and then when he finally does I'm pissed off. I always tell him if im running late etc all I ask for is to keep me updated. On nights I know he's home late I cook accordingly and plan my evening once kids gone sleep, but just annoying when I get called 6pm and have dinner in oven and explain to kids why daddy won't be here to bath or put them to bed.
So maybe I was doing it to be a rebel as I don't normally have the chance to just up & go so thought let me just take advantage of the situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
LetMeBe · 15/04/2016 11:26

Oh yes and I enjoyed a very large caramel latte and apricot croissant, diet starts soon! I love people watching too so relaxing :)

OP posts:
MattDillonsPants · 15/04/2016 11:28

Jesus. You need more freedom OP. If you're second guessing yourself about something this simple, then your lifestyle has become quite unhealthy and you need something to change.

You have as much right as your husband to freedom.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2016 11:29

I don't think lying to your partner is ever the right thing to do.

NoMilkNoSugar · 15/04/2016 11:30

I think you should do it more often! If he's working afternoons and evenings, then surely you are entitled to some time in the mornings Wink

Allyoucaneat · 15/04/2016 11:36

I do this quite often Blush sometimes I just can't face going home to the noise/mess/chores/huffy dp. I call it my self preservation time.

If I said I wanted time to myself dp would be fine with it but he never takes any time himself so I only end up feeling guilty, to I grab the odd hour in a coffee shop instead.