Sitting in coffee shop instead of going home

[LetMeBe]

I'm a SAHM with DD1 & DS 4 who is at preschool mon to weds. My husband is successful at work and often is home late so I'm with kids all time which i absolutely love but some days by 4pm I just want a break but don't have family or friends nearby they live 3 hours away.
So today was booked in for 9am appointment at dental clinic to have wisdom tooth removed. However dentist advised she could not remove and would refer to hospital.
So my appointment was very quick which meant I'd get home earlier than expected. My husband stayed home to look after DC and would leave to go work soon as I got home.
I came back and parked at home and just walked to local coffee shop for a nice relaxing drink. I did umm and ahh but thought I'd risk it as DH might spot my car parked outside.
AIBU that i haven't gone straight home?

Would you class what I've done as lying? When I came home I told him why wisdom tooth wasn't taken out and we just carried on. If he'd have rang me whilst i was having coffee or asked about my car I would have told him the truth. But he didn't.

LOL. YANBU. I would have gone to the pub.

Nomilknosugar good idea! I have just started physio so could start going weekly instead of fortnightly, would have to be evenings as he wouldn't be able to keep going in late that much.
I know some of you don't agree with my way of doing this.
With no family or friends near by I see this as my only free time. when I do say I need to pop out in the weekend I feel like in can't be long, hubby is great with kids it's just being their mum I have the feeling I can't let go and enjoy. This way I'm not going out for shopping etc totally just for 'me'.
I do find it surprising it's okay for a dad to go out and leave kids with mum not worrying about anything as it's assumed mum will do everything. But the minute mum wants to go out/have me time some dads act like they 'babysitting' the children.

Run away mum!

Enjoy your freedom....

When my Dc were that age I went to an Evening class. You need time for you

Physio twice a week sounds good. I think you need to learn to relax, when you leave the kids. A relaxed Mommy is a happy Mommy.

Mattdillionspants I think you are right I do end up letting it get to me

I like your idea Dingit I may just look into classes as I get to meet other people that are not mums and just know me for ' me'

Thank you for your support I thought I might get more of a grilling, I might just have to engineer something else one weekend. As not fair got hubby to take time off x

You need to learn to let go of that fear that the DC need you more than they need Dad....I used to be that way. I couldn't relax if DH took them out to give me a rest...I can now! Mine are older than yours though.

OP just keep practising. It's important for you to have a little bit of life to yourself.

AND it's important that they get quality time with their Dad.

You only get into the 'mum does 24 care, dad babysits' set up if you let it happen. Don't. You've got to trust him to look after them and recognise that 'me time' is essential to your health and happiness - so to being a good mum. He needs to recognise that you seeing your friends (or doing whatever you want with your relaxation time) is just as important and easy to accommodate as him seeing his. It is as easy, if he pulls his weight as a dad - essential to him building a good relationship with the DCs too.

I'm in the same position as you, OP. Only one DD but not yet at nursery and it's exhausting! My DH is around the country a lot for work and 3 hours away from all our family too.

However, he is very aware that I need a break from time to time, so sometimes when he gets in, I'll go out for a look around the shops on my own or get something to eat. I don't do it very often, but if I want to go and visit friends for a few days on my own or even have a pampering day, he's absolutely fine with that too. Being stuck indoors with no adult company all the time would have sent me loopy by now otherwise!

I did a 'phase back' approach to DS starting nursery, which meant I had a couple of afternoons when he was at nursery and I wasn't working. Rather than pull him out of his settling in sessions, I went for a coffee and noticed a parent from nursery (she'd said hi to me on the first morning and showed me where to put his shoes so I remembered her), sitting reading her book and having a glass of wine.

I said 'hi' and she said 'oh hi, welcome to my evening class'

Twice a week she finished work at 4 and took herself out for a drink and a read before picking her DC up from nursery. Just that half hour/45 minutes kept her sane for the rest of the week.

I'd never even thought of such a thing but immediately adopted her as my patron saint. So I hope you enjoyed your coffee OP and that you find other coffees in your life soon!

FFS.

The OP hasn't lied about anything! She finished at the dentist early, got a coffee and went hope. Good for her.

Hardly a massive ethical dilemma

Home, obviously, not hope.

I don't have children and I think.......

DO IT DO IT DO IT !

Everyone needs down time

(you thought I was going to go all mummy martyr there, didn't you )

Seriously though; in my last job it was a crappy crappy job but I had really good annual leave allotment so every so often i'd book a day off and not tell any one, 'cause if i did DP would ask me to drop off dry cleaning; pick up lug nuts; shine a rainbow..........

He might notice that you still have all your teeth though

Absolutely - enjoy yourself when you can! I am a SAHM of 3 and go stir-crazy when I can't get the odd hour to do something (anything!) else - I joked with the dental hygienist the other day that it was my "me-time" as I was enduring my scale and polish (sad but true; I meant it )

FWIW - no way can you look after your kids after a wisdom tooth removal. It's super sore afterwards and your face may swell up like a hamster (or was that just me) - it's quite invasive and you may feel totally crap. So try to put DH in place for that and look after yourself

I hope he's good that way and not like my DH - prince amongst men - if my leg fell off he'd ask why I couldn't just hop...

Lordy no. I was just only saying to a friend today that an hour on my own in a coffee shop is heaven. I've long since given up on any notion of Caribbean holidays or lengthy spa breaks but an hour alone in peace with a coffee is my equivalent now.

I agree it would be unhealthy, I do have a couple of mums i met through NCT I meet up with every other week they are really nice so I do try and keep myself & kids busy. I'm trying not to go shops as I end up being tempted to spend more :(
I suppose it's the feeling of being with them all day, it will defiantly be easier once DD1 starts preschool.
I've just started a career break in February with my workplace so should be going back to them in 5 yrs time, im still trying to get into a routine and adapt to my new way of living.
I'm def going to look Into evening classes maybe explore alternative career path.

Twentycupsoftea I told hubby tooth could not be removed. He's very laid back and doesn't ask too many questions so just said 'okay' when I told him I am being referred to hospital.
He does spend time with kids when he's not out late he will bath the kids while I wash dishes, help put kids to bed, take DS swimming on weekend.

Tbh I naively thought I'd be okay afterwards didn't realise it was as invasive. Probably a good thing I've been referred will def ask hubby to stay home that day. Thank you for the advise.
The appointment today I would have been awake during bye extraction but hospital I will be put to sleep so will probably get more information was appointment letter arrives

I don't want to horrify you but I had 2 weeks off sick after my wisdom tooth was extracted under GA.

I am a wuss though. And it was particularly badly wedged. And after a GA you need someone with you for 24 hours.

Yanbu, I often treat myself to little treats - going into work early and having breakfast on the way for example. My work meeting finished early today but I left ds at the cm until normal pick up time and came home and had a coffee and read a magazine for an hour.

I work ft and if I'm not at work I have ds. Because of our shifts I do every school run and cm pick so if I didn't grab the odd free hour here and there I think I'd go insane!