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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not share my weight with my friend every week

29 replies

HanHanHanHan · 15/04/2016 08:31

My friend used to do WW with me and we talk about our gains and losses.

She has since left but phones every week after the WW meeting to find out how I have done.

She no longer shares her weight gains/losses with me so I feel resentful she is putting me in a position where I feel I have to share mine. She is longer part of my support network in my weight loss (even though she might feel as if she is) and I feel she is just being nosey.

AIBU to not tell her anymore and how do I do this without offending her?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2016 08:32

Do you not think she's maybe trying to continue to support you?

LaContessaDiPlump · 15/04/2016 08:33

Laugh and say 'You first!'

If she shares then laugh and share your own, then immediately afterwards (again, laughing) say that this is all a bit silly isn't it, there's no need to regale each other with such details. Then swiftly move on before any rebuttal can be formed Grin

If she doesn't share then say 'Well if you won't , I'm not going to!'

Sounds like you don't see her as much of a friend anymore anyway, so no need to cosset her feelings too much.

TheSuspicionsOfMsWhicher · 15/04/2016 08:35

Perhaps she thinks she's being supportive?

I would just ignore these texts. She'll get the message, surely?

PageStillNotFound404 · 15/04/2016 08:35

YANBU

"I've stopped focusing on the numbers now and am concentrating on how my clothes feel and how I feel in myself. So, what's going on with you?"

curren · 15/04/2016 08:43

Yanbu to not want to tell her.

Yabu in how your attitude to her comes across. Why resentful? Why assume she isn't just trying to support you like she did before?

Are you annoyed her for stopping going?

PageStillNotFound404 · 15/04/2016 08:47

TBH OP there's loads of ways, from an upfront "oh, I thought we'd stopped doing that?" (and if she says no, then say "oh well, you first") to a non-committal "yeah, I'm pleased with how I did this week, how about you?" to outright deflection "oh that reminds me, I read somewhere that if anyone asks your weight you should add on at least 7lbs because they'll be so amazed and tell you how slim you look and they'd never believe it and it'll leave you feeling great and motivated, so now if anyone asks I'm going to add on about four stone, ha ha..."

lottiegarbanzo · 15/04/2016 08:57

You need to learn to be politely assertive. Your 'resentment' is really frustration with yourself for your inability to communicate your wishes clearly and pleasantly. This won't be the only example in your life.

Some good suggestions above.

Original poster
HanHanHanHan · 15/04/2016 09:05

I think she might be doing WW herself at home, I know she weighs at home.

So she asks me my weekly weight so she can compare my loss with hers.

OP posts:
Original poster
HanHanHanHan · 15/04/2016 09:07

Which is fine and would be ok if she told me her weight.

But the ones time I asked her she said she hadn't weighed herself for weeks. Which I don't believe as she is losing weight.

OP posts:
curren · 15/04/2016 09:08

Do you ask her?

Maybe she is waiting for you to ask and offer her some support?

Original poster
HanHanHanHan · 15/04/2016 09:08

So either we're in this together and thus sharing weight or we're not.

It's normal to ask your friend how much she weighs every weeks is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
HanHanHanHan · 15/04/2016 09:08

*not

OP posts:
Original poster
HanHanHanHan · 15/04/2016 09:10

I'm going to go with 'yeah I'm pleased with how I did'

Although I know she will ask me again, probably when I'm not expecting it.

OP posts:
Original poster
HanHanHanHan · 15/04/2016 09:11

I was supporting her. She left saying she didn't want to do it anymore.

How can I support someone who won't openly admit they are doing it by themselves at home?

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 15/04/2016 09:12

'Oh I've got plenty of support at the class thanks. How are you getting on?'

'You know how it works, mutual support, how are you getting on?'.

curren · 15/04/2016 09:14

I do SW, although my friends aren't aware. I am quite private.

But my mum asks me how I have done ever week. She sees it as supporting me. No under hand motives.

So you don't know she is comparing? Why do you think she is doing this as a negative thing rather than a supportive thing?

XiCi · 15/04/2016 09:14

I would either tell her you're stopping going to the meetings and concentrating on measurements not weight or simply stop answering her calls after meetings

lottiegarbanzo · 15/04/2016 09:14

Not doing it any more? No need to waste our time on that then, I've still got the class for support. So, how's x, y, z else going?

Original poster
HanHanHanHan · 15/04/2016 09:18

Because all she wants to know if I have lost or gained & by how much. She never mentions it any other time.

That's not support is it?

After I have told her that's the end of that conversation and we move on. She doesn't help me in any way.

OP posts:
XiCi · 15/04/2016 09:19

And no, it's not normal to ask your friends how much they weigh every week. I honestly have no idea how much my friends weigh and am not interested in the slightest. I hate that alot of womens conversation is about weight, diets, calories, sins. It's so fucking boring, there are some people at work who's entire conversation every day is food related and it drives me mad

readingrainbow · 15/04/2016 09:21

I would hate having a weekly conversation like that; boring and intrusive. Ugh.

lottiegarbanzo · 15/04/2016 09:21

Well, you'll find out if this is all she wants from you after you deflect her a few times. Either she'll stop calling, or talk about something else.

Original poster
HanHanHanHan · 15/04/2016 11:57

I do find it so intrusive.

OP posts:
Pixienott0005 · 18/04/2016 14:01

How irritating why is she calling weekly to discuss. She knows it's a working progress so why ask every time. Why not wait until a couple or few weeks and ask you then, why does she need to know weekly.

I'd say only half a pound and that's my aim for each week so it'll probably be half a pound every week going forward because I eat and do the same things every week!!, anyway how are you what's new etc. Be blunt, let her know your bored, give her an answer that will throw her and kill her enthusiasm for asking!!

MatildaTheCat · 18/04/2016 18:13

I did ww with a friend and we do still share our weight woes which are very minor but still annoying. The thing is, we are on the same page and a very similar bmi so there's no shaming. If you don't want to discuss it and don't want to be at all confrontational why not say your scales have broken and in future you are going to rely on how your clothes fit because you don't want to be obsessed with numbers?

Good luck and well done for losing.