to report this to FB/primary school child protection officer

[MrsBlimey]

So I'm on FB and one of the suggested friends for me is an (only just) 9 yr old girl who is the same class as my kids at school. Was so surprised I clicked on it as I was shocked that a 9 yr old would have a profile and I wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything massively dodgy.

Turns out on the profile she says her date of birth is 10 yrs earlier than it really is (presumably so that she can create an account). Can't immediately see that there is anything massively dodgy (apart from that) on the profile but then again I'm not friends with her so there may be other bits restricted to just people she's friends with.

So, with my judgy pants well and truly up to my chest and almost keeping my neck warm, should I report this to FB?

Should this also (judgy pants working as a hat now) be reported to school, which is very hot at the moment on esafety issues with that class in particular?

Sadly I am reluctant to raise the issue with the child's mother personally as I (and many others) have been on the receiving end of unnecessary nastiness and unwarranted vitriol a bit like local vigilantism in the past, which lead to my own kids being bullied by her daughter and her friends in school.

Have no desire to seek revenge for the bullying by reporting the profile, btw, although I can see how that might be misinterpreted.

I am a teacher too (different school) and I have dealt with parents with similar concerns which were taken seriously by both FB and the school.

WWYD??

I do wonder whether the loud minority will ever realise that it's not a parent bashing but a CHILD PROTECTION issue

Well said

I don't get Baileys and love honey ads either.

If someone used the pc to search for baileys and love honey I expect we'd all get them

Oh for frigs sake, it isn't about the kid and what they're up to on Facebook. It's about the people out there who will contact them! And they will do if they get the chance.

OP I wouldn't report it to the mother either if she's anything like some of the irresponsible parents on this thread.

Maybe you can know too much about what really goes on when you work in a CP role. I don't know. I just know I spent most of Wednesday building a case against a bloke who was in contact with a child not much older than this one. She was so innocent and he has gone and destroyed that :( not very nice at all. So yeah, maybe working in CP makes us a little harsh I don't know. I just know if online predators didn't exist then my job would be part time :( (and I would do that if it meant a safer world for children)

I just know if online predators didn't exist then my job would be part time sad (and I would do that if it meant a safer world for children)

So the predators only exist because of the internet, if you remove the internet as a tool then you remove the predators. If only it were that simple!

The world has never been safe for children, it wasn't in 1970 or even 1870 and it isn't now.

Dizzy, I can't quite decide whats going on with you - do you actually have a problem understanding what you are reading or are you deliberately going against what folk are saying? It's not just me you've responded to in this manner.

I quite clearly say that if online predators didn't exist then a lot of MY WORK wouldn't exist. Thus saying that most of my job involves dealing with online predators. I know damn well that paedophiles exist in real life because the other half of my workload involves them.

And that's why parents need to monitor their dc accounts extremely closely.

If parents have concerns they need to report to the police. We were told of one incident where a mother did just that, police took over her dd account, pretended to want to meet etc man was caught and locked up. There had been messages from a 'girl' which just didn't sit right with the mother.

If the mother hadn't have been so on the ball who knows what could have happened. Also she went about it the right way, if she'd messaged this man herself he would have closed accounts and vanished from the police radar.

Sorry, diverting the thread.

dizzy. What planet are you living on?

The pre Internet age was an extremely safe time for children if you look at actual statistics on sexual predators outside the family.

Look at the current statistics for online bullying, depression among children and the shocking number of online predators looking for children to groom. These are not even particularly vulnerable children because any child can be prey.

You are ridiculous if you think parents know everything about their child's life and online activity. Most adolescents can get around parental controls.

The OP has done the right and responsible thing.

While of some passing interest, does it really matter which age was most/least dangerous for youngsters? Isn't the important thing to ensure their safety in the here and now? Call me naive, but if a CP professional tells me about a level/area of risk, and that the area is of serious concern, I'm inclined to believe them

Hear hear Puzzled.

Boomingmarvellous sexual crimes on children were less likely to be reported. Why do you think there are so many historical cases? The statistics are not always an accurate portrayal.

Only 30% of crime is reported. Stranger abuse is more likely to be reported than family/friend abuse.

I worked for years with children with PTSD. Of the children that had PTSD as a result of sexual abuse, I never come across a child who has PTSD as a result of online abuse. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm sure it does. Online cases are more likely to end up in court, that's probably very true because a lot of the children I worked with did not always disclose their abuser. But online abuse is not the biggest threat and saying removing it would make the world safe for children is just . I was abused once by my friends dad, my friend was raped and abused by him for years but never told anyone, I know at least 3 other people who were sexually abused as children and none of their abusers are behind bars.

As parents we have a duty to protect our children and teach them about dangers. We cannot protect our children from the much more real danger of people they know by never letting them talk to anyone or spend time with them! That would be silly. It is possible instead to educate your child, take care of them, let them explore the world both in real life and online within the safety of our watch. Some parents don't do this either in life or online, but that does not mean that ALL parents who let their children online are irresponsible and stupid!

In fact if anything it can help them learn how to keep themselves safe when they are adults or older teens. In fact children are far more likely to listen and learn from their parents than teens. Teens often think they know everything and can "look after themselves", I personally think teaching a child about online safety is a good thing if you are a responsible adult.

If the OP was as rude and patronising to the mother of this child as she was to CaptainCrunch I'm not suprised the mother is hostile towards her and she may not be able to accurately judge the mothers ability to keep her child safe.

I think the dangers of Facebook for kids is vastly overplayed.

The parents probably let her have the account. If not then the school probably will find out one way or another, she's bound to say something within earshot of a teacher at some point.
DD (11) is asking for Instagram and FB at the moment but is having to wait until she's 13, I'm not popular!

paris - Facebook employ an awful lot of people monitoring reports about the accounts of teenagers, so I think they'd disagree with you.

Mrs Hathaway - bollocks.most account- monitoring is yo look out for defamatory stuff fb could be sued for

This - thanks puzzled
While of some passing interest, does it really matter which age was most/least dangerous for youngsters? Isn't the important thing to ensure their safety in the here and now? Call me naive, but if a CP professional tells me about a level/area of risk, and that the area is of serious concern, I'm inclined to believe them

Not this, dizzy
If the OP was as rude and patronising to the mother of this child as she was to CaptainCrunch I'm not suprised the mother is hostile towards her and she may not be able to accurately judge the mothers ability to keep her child safe.

It's not about judging the mother dizzy. It's about the overall safety of the child. As I've said a number of times before but you seem unwilling to accept/take it in, I don't have a problem with educating kids about the benefits of the internet and the need to be safe.

Funnily enough, a central tenet to 'being safe online' for so many reasons, is being aware of age appropriate stuff. I also find it tricky to reconcile your stance on 'safety' and 'awareness' with your position that outright lying and playing the system is an acceptable model for your kids.

For everyone's information, in the schools weekly newsletter sent out yesterday, there was a para about a number of reports of pupils across the school who had FB accounts. The tone was not one of judging parents whatsoever or saying that the Internet was evil, but reminding them that profiles online can be seen by more people than you think, even if you as a parent think you are doing the right thing and monitoring them, i.e. the exposure is the risk.
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People who say that they aren't afraid to let their children use the social media because they montor them are like parents saying that they have no problem letting their children play on the other side of a very busy motorway because they see them from the window.
Stupidly naive or ignorant?

cate and even then they don't give a monkeys about the most vile stuff. Somebody (not a friend) sent me some spam which was truly vile, stuff the police would be interested in. I reported it to Facebook and it wasn't removed because 'they found that it didn't contravene their community standards' - I wasn't aware that facebook had any standards! I then showed it to a member of the police and he took details to pass on to work, obviously I don't know what happened after that.

MrsBlimey you could say it 1000 times I'm just not going to believe you.

I also find it tricky to reconcile your stance on 'safety' and 'awareness' with your position that outright lying and playing the system is an acceptable model for your kids. I outright lied and played the system yes, you're obviously, in your opinion, a far better parent than me.

MartinaJ that starement is just so and .

No one on this thread has said they aren't afraid or that the monitoring is going to be 100 affective. I've said that it might reduce their risks of becoming internet junkies and teach them that the interenet is a useful resource but not a place to spend your social time. My 13 has lost interest in social media, he goes online for less than 10 minutes a day and that's usually only his class whatsapp group to check the homework. I don't need to monitor him because that ship sailed. I look at his facebook more than he does. There are 22 people in his school year, they all have phones, most of them have had Facebook for a long time (negligent parenting is clearly common here) and none of them are plugged into their phones 24/7, I know because I see them everyday. Facebook posts from the whole group averages 1 a month and that's usually just a picture of all of them at an event. My 9 year old is now losing interest as well. If I'd said no to facebook she'd be desperate to get her hands on this big "No" thing that is so special and only for big girls. I'm not about to make any online platform that appealing. My 13 year old is the only one with his own screen. We have one tablet for the three other children. The tablet is limited to 1 hour a day each but some days they don't even pick it up. It has kids place installed with facebook access on my daughter's account but not on my two younger children. I know the health risks of screen time and it's something we educate them about too. As a result they have not developed a habit of being plugged into a screen. If a child is already glued to a screen for hours a day playing games then they are getting into a pattern for life and one day tablet games will be replaced by the internet. The more time they spend online the higher the risk. The internet is just as dangerous for a 14 year old who spends hours a week online, but monitoring is much harder to do at that age.

Oh fgs - ignorant!! Wait until they are 15 or 16 and online without monitoring. That is when problems can really start. A 9 year old with Instagram which is also on her mums phone is in the best possible position as far as social media goes (as her primary school agreed - she won an award for her attitude to E safety and she's had Instagram since she was 8)