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AIBU?

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Original poster

to report this to FB/primary school child protection officer

169 replies

MrsBlimey · 14/04/2016 14:01

So I'm on FB and one of the suggested friends for me is an (only just) 9 yr old girl who is the same class as my kids at school. Was so surprised I clicked on it as I was shocked that a 9 yr old would have a profile and I wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything massively dodgy.

Turns out on the profile she says her date of birth is 10 yrs earlier than it really is (presumably so that she can create an account). Can't immediately see that there is anything massively dodgy (apart from that) on the profile but then again I'm not friends with her so there may be other bits restricted to just people she's friends with.

So, with my judgy pants well and truly up to my chest and almost keeping my neck warm, should I report this to FB?

Should this also (judgy pants working as a hat now) be reported to school, which is very hot at the moment on esafety issues with that class in particular?

Sadly I am reluctant to raise the issue with the child's mother personally as I (and many others) have been on the receiving end of unnecessary nastiness and unwarranted vitriol a bit like local vigilantism in the past, which lead to my own kids being bullied by her daughter and her friends in school.

Have no desire to seek revenge for the bullying by reporting the profile, btw, although I can see how that might be misinterpreted.

I am a teacher too (different school) and I have dealt with parents with similar concerns which were taken seriously by both FB and the school.

WWYD??

OP posts:
PollyPurple · 15/04/2016 15:05

We had an esafety talk recently at school by a detective who stated that there really is nothing wrong with younger kids having FB, as long as it's done under total supervision of their parents.

I still wouldn't let Ds have an account.

teacherwith2kids · 15/04/2016 15:18

as long as it's done under total supervision of their parents.

I think this is the key point, and it is the point that I make to my pupils - that an 'openly known about' FB profile, with parents having given permission and retaining full oversight and access is one thing, whereas anything less than that level of supervision is something different.

As a parent, it is that 'total' word that worries me - do I really know everything that my children do online? Have they learned enough from me / school to keep themselves safe in the shorter and longer (job application etc) term?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/04/2016 15:20

I set up my 10 year olds account, it lists her as being my age with my birthday so not lying, she just thinks children need their parents information

Genuinely interested in how listing one person's name with another person's ago/DoB, in order to access something the site says they shouldn't have, isn't lying?

teacherwith2kids · 15/04/2016 15:25

[As an aside, I can totally sympathise with the OP for going to the school / Facebook rather than approaching the parent, given some of the responses from those parents on this thread whose children have FB accounts at a young age!]

dizzytomato · 15/04/2016 15:29

You asked if I am condoning my child lying about his/her age online. My child didn't lie about her age online, so I am not condoning it or teaching her to do it. I have had to lie to facebook and yahoo so she can communicate with her friends in the UK who she wanted to keep in touch with. The other option was let her use my email/facebook account and run the risk of her reading some of the adult content my friends send me. Believe me, this is better.

CrowyMcCrowFace · 15/04/2016 15:31

I think practically the first thing I taught my kids about the internet was: if in doubt, lie about your personal details!

Name/DOB/location - make it all up.

Unless there's a reason it's in your interests to give a site your accurate details (eg they need your address to deliver something) - don't. They'll only sell them on.

So no conflict in making up a DOB for Facebook.

parissont · 15/04/2016 15:32

Stay out of it! It's really none of your business. I can't imagine what harm is going to come of it tbh.

CaptainCrunch · 15/04/2016 15:34

The OP's already done it parissont.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/04/2016 15:35

You and me both, Teacher Hmm

parissont · 15/04/2016 15:38

Oh ok. Blimey. Well is suppose that's one good reason not to let a 10 year old have fb. It incurs the wrath of judgey parents!

The only reason recommended age is 13 is so that fb can market directly to you. It is nothing NOTHING to do with them protecting kids.

CaptainCrunch · 15/04/2016 15:41

I'm fairly sure she only did it because she has history with the girl. It's difficult to believe she's the only under 13 year old she knows with an active FB account Grin

Original poster
MrsBlimey · 15/04/2016 15:49

Captain - I've been there and explained that one. Do try and keep up. There's a love.

OP posts:
teacherwith2kids · 15/04/2016 15:54

Captain,

I suspect many of my class of 9-10 year olds have Facebook accounts.

I don't search for them, so don't report them.

however, if one popped up in 'Suggested friends' or one of them tried to friend me, or if online trouble was reported within my class, I would HAVE to report it, both to the school and to FB, because I know they are under 13 and it is my professional duty to do so - a duty that is enshrined in law, if I have any cause to believe that there is any possibility at all that it has any influence on safeguarding that child. As many have said on here, having a social media account at a young age is ONLY safe if fully overseen by a parent, and I cannot vouch for parental oversight (many nasty things happen behind the naicest of front doors), there are very few circumstances in which, as a teacher, i would be allowed NOT to report it.

Original poster
MrsBlimey · 15/04/2016 15:54

Parissont - even if it's to do with marketing rather than anything else, FB has its own rules. CP also has its 'rules'. As a teacher I also am obliged to operate by certain rules.

Tbh I'm surprised at some of the responses on here, particularly those who are encouraging kids to lie about all sorts of things just to get an account. There are other more suitable child friendly apps for kids to communicate amongst each other, surely. If not then there's a huge gap in the market....

I do wonder whether the loud minority will ever realise that it's not a parent bashing but a CHILD PROTECTION issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsBlimey · 15/04/2016 15:58

I'm far from naive too, and have seen a fair amount in my time, so I fully accept that there will be hoardes of kids with FB accounts. She popped up on my feed, I didn't seek her out and I gave no intention of seeking anyone else out. If however other kids' profiles of a tender age appear as a suggested friend, then I'll do the same, whether there's 'history' with the kid or family or not.

OP posts:
UptownFunk00 · 15/04/2016 16:02

My DHs cousin has been on for 3 years and has just turned 14.

I had a friend request from him too.

I would leave it as 1) his Mum is a nutter 2) there isn't anything obviously bad there and 3) it's fairly common and 4) they could just add a new account anyway.

PollyPurple · 15/04/2016 16:19

Thing is, I'm sure it's the same kind of stipulations to have a YouTube account and yet there are lots of successful 'you tubers' who are under 13 and who have quite successful channels.

The esafety talk we had at school really opened my eyes to the world our dc live in now. When the Detective mentioned kids under 13 having accounts I was ready for him to come down hard on the parents of these children but his attitude was, the Internet is fantastic, it's a great tool, it can be wonderful but at this age it has to be completely supervised by the parents.

He told us a few horror stories too, thankfully all ended well.

Even after the talk though I still wouldn't want Ds to have a FB account. I have begun disliking FB myself, don't want another account which I have to monitor daily.

focusedmum · 15/04/2016 16:30

My DD has had an account since she was 9. It was so that she could play various games that needed to ask friends for extra lives. Her profile is set to private and she only has close family as friends that she has bothered with life requests etc.

I didn't let her use my account for this as I didn't want her to annoy my friends.

I think you are missing the reason there is "13 year old" registration. It is not for child safety at all. It is to do with data collection and the fact that it causes a major headache for the likes of facebook as they are not allowed to collect data on children. The cut off for children in the US is 13.

That is why facebook delete accounts reported to them. For data protection regulations.

Additionally there is evidence from sociologist that removing the age of consent may be beneficial as currently it is pushing underage social media usage underground.

So IMO it is not really a safeguarding issue. Yes there are recommendations but how can you possibly be in a better position that a childs parent to comment on their ability to understand this.

FWIW my 10 year old handles social media better than my 14 year old. Currently I have insisted my 14 year old delete her account and allowed by 10 year old to keep hers.

CaptainCrunch · 15/04/2016 16:34

No need to be snotty and patronising OP. I simply don't believe you dear Halo

focusedmum · 15/04/2016 16:37

Out of interest I am just wondering how many of mumsnet posters schools have adopted apps like class dojo?

Maybe if the schools/teachers want to take a serious stand against social media, they shouldn't be encouraging the children with very similar apps via school!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 15/04/2016 16:40

I'm having discussions with my 8 year old ds as to why he cant be on social media yet - so many of his class are... a few of those aren't allowed facebook, but have Instagram and movie star or whatever that is and similar platforms I am far too old to understand. I don't get why facebook is bad for children but all these other platforms are deemed suitable (none are suitable IMO!)

I was imagining these arguments when he started secondary school, not in year 3. I have reported friends dc who have annoyed me with friend requests after I spoken to their parents to tell them my facebook is very much an adult space and I have no wish to either share with a dc or have to restrict what I post because of them. They didn't do anything to stop them trying to add me, so I reported them. Don't know what happened though.

UptownFunk00 · 15/04/2016 16:57

Oh and yes have a few dogs and cats on my Facebook and they are writing soppy stuff to their owner now that is too much!

teacherwith2kids · 15/04/2016 17:04

Intstagram also has a lower age limit of 13, so exactly the same would apply if it was pushed to my attention that a child in my class had Instagram.

the graphic on here is a fairly clear one that I use in lessons.

teacherwith2kids · 15/04/2016 17:10

There are some like PopJam, which requires parents to approve an U13 singing up, and has a clear 'report' function, and moviestarplanet, which has e.g. pre-moderation of pictures, and actually bans adults over 18, which are targeted at younger children because they have safety features that are suitable for that age group.

Even so, I have known children get into the most awful tangles in the messaging service (or 'currency / life' collection) of the most innocuous-sounding sites.

MrsHathaway · 15/04/2016 18:21

No it isn't! Nothing is filtered in my 13 year olds account. I still have to monitor it in the same way as I do for my 10 year old.

Different adverts. Bet you anything you like an underage account won't get Suggested Posts about Baileys or Love Honey.

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