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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cosleep with 6wk old? Scared to discuss in RL

115 replies

YesterdayTomorrowToday · 14/04/2016 10:26

Last night our 6 week old baby refused to go to sleep no matter what we did. In the end I fed him laying down in bed and we both fell asleep, the next thing I knew it was 5:30am this morning, by far the longest he has slept since being born!

I loved it and I fed him again at 5:30 and the cuddled him back to sleep until 7:45am, which is unheard of.

AIBU to continue cosleeping with 6 week old? Is he too young? I followed all advice, no covers, no pillows near, no walls to get wedged in, DH knew he was there and we hadn't drank and we don't smoke.

I am too scared of being judged in RL as MIL has already made her feelings known despite the fact we hadn't even done it then, and the HV also mentioned she doesn't agree with it.

Would love the benefit of all your wisdom and experience MNers.

OP posts:

Aspergallus · 14/04/2016 21:35

I know a paediatric pathologist who has been involved in post mortems for sudden infant deaths. He told me that the overwhelming majority of deaths were related to another risk factor e.g. alcohol, and where co-sleeping was unplanned.

I guess you are either the kind of person who can't tolerate any risk at all, or someone who can weigh that up and think you've controlled all risk factors and planned for doing it safely. I'm definitely the first kind of person but don't judge those who do differently. That said, my fear of the risk would stop me recommending to anyone else to go ahead.

tilliebob · 14/04/2016 21:43

I co-slept with DS1way before the Internet told me that I couldn't/shouldn't and before I knew that it even had a name. Even after I had discovered the joy of the net, I still co-slept with my other 2 dcs. They all slept longer, DH and I slept better, and I don't really get what all the hoo haa is around it. Of course, I now know due to the educational power of the net that I practice what is know as "attachment parenting". I kinda just called it instinct!

livvylongpants · 14/04/2016 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheABC · 14/04/2016 22:02

Co-sleeping saved my sanity - we had a side-along crib, so the baby could have his own safe space and I could feed and cuddle him without getting up.
Fast-forward two years and he still crawls into our bed in the early morning (and nicks the blankets).

It sounds like you are clued up on doing it safely and you are aware of the dangers with drink/smoking/drugs. I would just keep doing it and don't mention it to your MIL or HV. At the end of the day, how will they know any different? It's your bedroom.

CatsCantFlyFast · 14/04/2016 22:06

Can I point out that a bed against the wall is not safe - baby should be between you and a bedside cot/bed guard. Ensure there is no gap between your mattress and the bed guard/bedside cot - even small gaps are risks for small babies. Baby should not be between you and your partner or between you and a wall

Lweji · 14/04/2016 22:07

My only problem with co-sleeping was that I couldn't sleep. I'd keep waking up every time ds moved. But it worked well with the cot right by the side of the bed and often holding hands or with my hand on his back.

badg3r · 14/04/2016 22:12

Still co-sleeping with DS who's 16 months. I love it. He sleeps 12h a night and I have never had to get out of bed to feed him at night. And the cot is very useful for storing miscellaneous crap.

puglife15 · 14/04/2016 22:15

We use a sleepyhead in our bed as a kind of halfway house with DS 7 weeks. He sleeps really well in it but that could just be luck as he's been in it since day 1.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/04/2016 22:20

I co slept with DC2 - worked like a dream ! DP slept on sofa (and got sleep ) I had little one in the double bed with me and fed on demand . It's so scary when they are so tiny but he was on his side , I was in mine and after a few months he was too chunky and stopped worrying X go for it

Frazzled2207 · 14/04/2016 22:28

I co-slept with dc2 from day one, having done a bit here and there with dc1.
He's nearly 1 now and starts off in his own room but comes in sometime after midnight.
Cots are a recent, western invention.
Most of the rest of the world still co-sleeps.
I found it helped a lot that husband slept separately for first few months, that made me feel a lot safer, as I could move away from the baby once he had settled.
Yanbu, just don't tell your hv and be prepared for funny looks if you admit to anyone in real life that you do.

Lazyafternoon · 14/04/2016 22:30

Loads of people do it. Most are just too scared to say it. Out of my antenatal group, at the time (0 -12months) only 1 girl said they co-slept. Since they've come clean later I'd say 4 of 6 said they did a lot, not just occasionally when ill. A couple actually all the time. A lot more normal than you think. We're just led to think that we're not supposed to.
Just be sensible, not drinking, smoking, no pillows, duvets (why don't they do grobags for adults?!!) DP with sleep apnoea or rolls a lot etc (or banish them to sofa/spare room) then you're fine.

I wish I'd not been so scared of it. Sleep is a very valuable thing!!!!

Original poster

YesterdayTomorrowToday · 14/04/2016 22:33

Thank you so much everyone for replying.

I would have come back earlier but feel like DS has been attached to my boob all day.

I'm going to read around it some more to feel really comfortable, and go from there. DS is currently fast asleep attached to my nipple .

I unfortunately will likely continue the conspiracy of silence and not tell a soul other than DH if we do decide to keep cosleeping. I can't deal with all the advice and opinions that everyone seems to want to throw at me. looking at you random man on the bus

Thanks again MN. You have given me confidence to just do whatever I think is best. DH now wants to read the whole thread!

OP posts:

ExpandingRoundTheMiddle · 14/04/2016 22:43

Enjoy your co sleeping. Did it from day 1 with my 3 on the advice of the hospital midwife and with the full blessing of the HV. But that was back in the 20th century so I expect advice has changed and changed back again several times since then.

Lifecanonlygetbetter · 14/04/2016 22:53

I find it so sad that co-sleeping has suddenly become bad parenting. I co-slept with my two, now aged 20 and 16. They started off in their cots, and when they woke for the first night sleep I latched them on and we both drifted off together. It was bliss. The only downside was the occasional leaky nappy if they guzzled too much.

OptimisticSix · 14/04/2016 22:59

I Co-slept with all four of mine - three from as soon as I got home from hospital, and even in the hospital with one. The eldest got moved in after his Angel Care monitor went off twice in one week and scared me half to death!. Loved it. So much easier for breast feeding and sanity. Didn't move any of them to their own bed until between 6 to 12 months. The baby always slept on the outside (ie not between me and DH) with something to make sure they didn't fall out. The did share the duvet in theory but hardly got any (this was pre two duvet days) and it was just lovely. Almost broody thinking about it :D I am, and have always been, quite open about cosleeping and most people are fine. I had the odd one saying "don't you worry you'll squash the baby" etc, I usually found a terse "no" worked.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/04/2016 23:01

Once with ds 1 - I went and fed him then we fell asleep on the double bed in his room - I woke an hour late in a panic - and he was under the Fucking duvet - alive - praise be

That's why with Ds 2 I did it properly and we had a double bed - shared between us with his space and mine

How on earth are we supposed to bf a newborn otherwise ?

TwentyCupsOfTea · 14/04/2016 23:05

I sleep walk and have sleep paralysis/night terrors. I could never consider it for this reason - I have hurt my dp whilst asleep before by hitting/shoving in a deep sleep. I've also woken up having walked downstairs. I would not be safe with any small child or baby in my bed when asleep.

pigsDOfly · 14/04/2016 23:08

My 3 were all fbf and I co-slept with all of them for varying lengths of time - middle one slept through the night pretty early on so was able to put her happily in her cot.

They're all adults now. Youngest is expecting her second child and no doubt she'll co-sleep with this one as she did the first.

If you've got a baby that's happy alone in its crib, than that's great but I think a lot of tiny babies need that closeness, at least in the early days, to be content.

Unless your MIL is the one getting up to your baby in the night it's none of her business.

arandomname · 14/04/2016 23:15

YesterdayTomorrowToday I co-slept, but with a side-cot that was recommended on mumsnet with DD.

I put DD to sleep in the side cot and then when she woke in the night I'd bring her in with me and feed her back to sleep, so she was in with me for most of the night, but facing out from the bed, so I felt safe that she wouldn't roll off the bed - she'd only roll onto the cot. Sometimes I'd slide her back into the cot - mostly I'd leave her in with me, but it was good to have that option.

FabiMax 3 sided cot

It's just over £90 for the cot, mattress, bumper and delivery.

Having one of these helped with the "where does your baby sleep" question too - I used to say "in a side-cot" if I thought they'd disapprove of co-sleeping!

It's not the biggest - it won't last beyond 6 months or so IIRC, but it's the best bit of kit we had by far, made co-sleeping possible for us, and less stressful!

Valentine2 · 14/04/2016 23:22

I am sane (I think ) because I co slept with my DCs. We still do it and I am planning to make a den bedroom when we get our first home. Just stop thinking of drink altogether and never ever smoke. Then you are perfectly fine I think. To take care of baby, you need sleep too. I was too para kid with m babies and used to keep waking up to check if they are breathing etc. Roll eyes. But once I discovered co sleeping, it was miracle . Don't tell anybody till you don't have to.

Valentine2 · 14/04/2016 23:24

Paranoid with my babies* urrghhh stupid phone

oldjacksscrote · 14/04/2016 23:27

I got an amazing co sleeping cot from eBay, Amazon sell them too it has a little extended bit so the mattress' meet so there's no gap, just like a mini bed extention, wish I'd had one with my first born, I co slept with him too. As long as you are confident you're doing it safely then go ahead and I hope you birh get some decent sleep.

Valentine2 · 14/04/2016 23:27

Sorry I should hav added: no pillows / duvets near baby and neither any peice of fabric/clothing/bibs etc near both of you. Also, kick DP out of the bed if that's doable so you have only one adult body to worry about around the baby.

grumpysquash3 · 14/04/2016 23:34

Like a lot of pp I think that co-sleeping is fine. I did it. But generally DH slept somewhere else (sofa, spare room if no one in it). He is a big guy and I worried he would just roll over onto the baby, as did he!

I also totally agree that BF lying down and both falling asleep is the way forward in the early weeks.
It will be fine :)

catsrus · 14/04/2016 23:35

Mine are now all in their 20s - Co-slept with all three of them from birth, never experienced that whole "sleep deprived" thing people assume is "normal" . I didn't drink at all during their childhood making up for it now and they slept on top of our duvet, under a single cotton blanket, to prevent overheating. We all slept really well.

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