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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cosleep with 6wk old? Scared to discuss in RL

115 replies

YesterdayTomorrowToday · 14/04/2016 10:26

Last night our 6 week old baby refused to go to sleep no matter what we did. In the end I fed him laying down in bed and we both fell asleep, the next thing I knew it was 5:30am this morning, by far the longest he has slept since being born!

I loved it and I fed him again at 5:30 and the cuddled him back to sleep until 7:45am, which is unheard of.

AIBU to continue cosleeping with 6 week old? Is he too young? I followed all advice, no covers, no pillows near, no walls to get wedged in, DH knew he was there and we hadn't drank and we don't smoke.

I am too scared of being judged in RL as MIL has already made her feelings known despite the fact we hadn't even done it then, and the HV also mentioned she doesn't agree with it.

Would love the benefit of all your wisdom and experience MNers.

OP posts:
HeteronormativeHaybales · 14/04/2016 11:35

Another vote for a bedside cot. We have a Fabimax which is reasonably priced (about half the price of the Babybay which has cornered the market here in Germany) and has been good, though the way it fits with out bed has meant we had to raise my mattress a bit. Dd ends up snuggled next to me anyway (couple of feeds a night), but we have very firm flat mattresses and it's fine.

marcopront · 14/04/2016 11:38

There is a book called "Three in a bed" which is about co sleeping which is worth a read.

Drbint · 14/04/2016 12:14

The NCT has a leaflet about safe co-sleeping with 7 steps you need to think about - BFing, only in the bed, not drinking, not smoking...can't remember the rest, but I co-slept for three months and he still comes in when he wakes at 5am so all three of us can get a bit more kip.

I had some right smacked-arse faces from some of the HVs so stopped admitting it, but my midwife and the consultant were in favour. I think it was falling asleep on the sofa that was meant to be the really dodgy one.

Mrscog · 14/04/2016 12:28

I coslept with both of mine - followed the safety guidelines and read tons and tons of research and data. No one has EVER published research which studies the level of risk if all safety guidelines are followed, and whenever I've read a report of a tragedy there has always been a guideline not followed - alcohol, sleeping next to the Dad, a duvet etc.

FfionFlorist · 14/04/2016 14:36

I often co slept with all of my children but didn't tell anyone. I slept in the spare room, pushed double bed against the wall, no pillows, duvet no higher than my waist and lay baby slightly higher up the bed covered in own blanket. Fed on demand all night. Saved my life, especially with dc1. All turned into good sleepers at around 9 months.

VikingLady · 14/04/2016 20:16

If you are low risk in all categories and you do it safely (no chance of smothering under covers or pillows etc) it's the safest sleeping method with the lowest risk of SIDS. It's not recommended because too many people consider themselves low risk when they aren't (drinking, smoking etc)

Purplebluebird · 14/04/2016 20:29

We co-slept from 2w old, and we love it! So much more sleep :)

Sparklingbrook · 14/04/2016 20:42

I did it for about 2 weeks with both mine. I didn't sleep a wink but they did. Sad

So into the cot in our room they went. It's whatever works for you I think.

SuiGeneris · 14/04/2016 20:54

If done safely, why not? We co-slept with our second every night until he was around 2.5 (yrs) and even now at nearly 4 we co-sleep half the night 99% of the time...

CutYourHairAndGetAJob · 14/04/2016 20:56

Ds has slept in our bed since the third night the first two he slept in our arms . The first time the hv came around she told us she advised against cosleeping, which was handy as we knew not to mention it to her.

Stinkerbelle37 · 14/04/2016 21:01

I co-slept. DS was born in NZ and on first night wouldn't settle. Nurse put him straight into bed with me. Rolled up a towel and put it under the sheet on the edge of the bed. And we slept with our heads in line, so he was much higher up the bed. And obviously didn't share covers.

And we just went from there. Did it with both mine. Only downside is they both still like to sleep with us given the opportunity... Even now they sleep much longer if in with is (6&4).

Read around, listen to the experts from across the world (our culture is seemingly quite opposed), and make an informed choice. I slept lightly, and was confident that I would never roll onto them. But DH was too worried, so we never had them next to him.

Gurraun · 14/04/2016 21:02

I haven't read the whole thread and sure lots of people have said this but my view is that if you do it safely it's a good option.

With Ds1 I was too scared to co-sleep and whilst he wasn't the worst sleeper, I got very little sleep in the early days.

With ds2 I thought 'I never squash the cat' so co-slept and slept 100 times better.

Kit2015 · 14/04/2016 21:04

DD just turned one sleeps with me. She wouldn't settle when she first came home from hospital but did once I took her into bed with me.
She now sleeps in her room till about 11 when I go to bed then comes into me on first waking. She still wakes regularly but settles in with me.
Personally I never thought I would like it let alone love it but I do. I get more sleep and it's lovely having cuddles. She woke me this morning by stroking my face and 'singing' to me. ;)

witsender · 14/04/2016 21:04

We co slept from birth with both, even in hospital. Done properly it is entirely safe, even lowers certain risks.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 14/04/2016 21:07

I co-slept from birth with all my children. My mum pursed her lips but you know what? I needed sleep, having the baby in the bed was the only way I could.

SallyDonovan · 14/04/2016 21:08

I co-slept with DD2 from birth. She wouldn't sleep otherwise. I did it safely and don't regret it. My HV knew and was supportive, actually. Far more people do it than talk about it.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 14/04/2016 21:09

When my son was born, a12 years ago, the advice we got was that co sleeping is good, it helps babies feel comforted and even regulates heartbeat etc.

We did it and loved it. Very special memories of waking up next to tiny little boy who had actually slept for hours! Agree of course all safety precautions need to happen, no memory foam etc.

Congratulations by the way!

Ilovetorrentialrain · 14/04/2016 21:11

Oh and co sleeping afternoon naps were pretty good too!

DrSausagedog · 14/04/2016 21:14

I did it with second baby, but DH moved to the spare room so that there was plenty of space and removed my fears.

lalalalyra · 14/04/2016 21:16

I co-slept with my youngest two, and fully intend to co-sleep with DC#6 when they arrive. I dont't drink or smoke, I don't take any prescription drugs (or illegal ones!), we have a bedguard to ensure baby can't fall out, I use a single duvet (DH and I would divorce v.v.quickly if we shared a duvet) tucked in and baby always stays between me and the bed guard, not between me and DH. It's easier to feed, especially once I got the hang of feeding lying down, and we all sleep better.

My Nana recommended it to me with DD2 when she was tiny, but my HV put the fear of god into me about it. She also made me feel really crap because I couldn't (I thought) safely cosleep with twins so I'd have to 'pick' one to co-sleep with. When DS started having the same sleep issues I researched and I think it was a sanity saver. Even now at 8yo he doesn't sleep very much - at least in bed he was happy just to be curled up next to me.

Do it safely and it's absolutely fine imo. The problems are when people don't do it safely, or are simply too exhausted.

soapboxqueen · 14/04/2016 21:25

I Co-slept with dd in hospital. Just asked for an extra sheet to wrap around her so she wouldn't fall out. Champion

neolara · 14/04/2016 21:29

My home recommended it with dc1 (11yo). Pretty much everyone I know co-slept with their dcs, especially by the time they were on number 3. It was the only way to survive.

Janecc · 14/04/2016 21:29

Midwife advised me it was fine to co sleep as long as taking precautions.

neolara · 14/04/2016 21:30

Health visitor not home.

isambardo · 14/04/2016 21:33

I co-slept with both of my DS's, sleep quality and quantity were both massively better than trying to put them in a Moses basket!! We also had a bednest type arrangement which was great.

If you are nervous the baby will roll, you can roll up a towel and put it UNDER the sheet to make a safe barrier (like the 'sleepyhead' you can buy, but it's free :))