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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my weekends as relaxation time not babysitting other people's kids time

128 replies

I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:28

Myself and DH work 5 days per week and weekends are precious. We have two ds 12 and 10. DH's younger brother and SIL have a child 18 months old. BIL can't hold down a job - gets bored and relies on FIL for most things. He recently started a new job full time and she works full time. Toddler in nursery 5 days per week.

MIL and FIL look after the baby on Saturdays - they either go their house or BIL/SIL go to MIL/FIL' house. This is every Saturday and even when the child is ill - they will go to MIL/FIL house - mid week whatever. Fine whatever they want to do. However MIL/FIL have now said they will only go to BIL/SIL house to look after child because when they go to MIL/FIL house they either go to bed and go shopping - no interaction with toddler at all.

MIL/FIL are away on a cruise at the moment. We get a call - can we come over this weekend? FFS AIBU to not want to go entertain this? We had them a couple of weeks ago - they came on a Sunday when my parents were there - were fed Sunday lunch and I ended up looking after the toddler. I don't want it to be a regular occurrence and I feel they need to look after their own kid occasionally - maybe take them out somewhere. Prepared to be told I'm unreasonable.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 13/04/2016 20:50

You think they would want to use your bed? Shock

That would really be taking liberties. If they do come over then strip it. Make sure it is a bed change weekend. Put up a tent in the back garden and tell them they can sleep there.

Pipbin · 13/04/2016 20:56

Why do you in laws have the baby on a Saturday?
Do they both work on a Saturday or they simply can't be arsed.

I'm with you. As a one off, to help them out of a difficult situation or if they are really struggling, yes.
Simply because they can't be bothered, no.

Original poster
I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:57

They visit PIL in the day on a Saturday and goto bed. Its not evening babysitting.

OP posts:
scandichick · 13/04/2016 20:57

Tell DH they're welcome, as it's his brother and all - but unfortunately you won't be around to babysit, and see if he sees things more like you do after the visit.

Original poster
I8toys · 13/04/2016 20:59

They don't work on a Saturday and basically can't be arsed. I just say to my dh that you are allowing this behaviour to continue by doing this.

OP posts:
Pipbin · 13/04/2016 21:00

Let me get this straight -

They go to the in-laws; mum, dad and baby, then they hand baby over to the in-laws and go to bed? What the actual fuck?

Original poster
I8toys · 13/04/2016 21:00

I said I'm going shopping. But feel for kid and may take her to a soft play - never been to one. And fuck the rest of em.

OP posts:
Original poster
I8toys · 13/04/2016 21:01

Yep go this bed. No food for kid nothing

OP posts:
Pipbin · 13/04/2016 21:02

I'm with you.
If DH insists then say that you are going out, take the DC with you and leave him at home, I expect he'll soon change his mind.

flannelwash · 13/04/2016 21:04

I would go out for the day, don't take their child with you because then you are allowing this behaviour to continue. I'm sure a day babysitting will change DH thoughts on the matter..

Pipbin · 13/04/2016 21:10

Oh I meant to take your DC and leave their at home with DH.

StealthPolarBear · 13/04/2016 21:11

Do you really think they'll ask to use your bed?
I do realise there are cheeky people in the world but can't get my head round it sometimes!

TimeOfGlass · 13/04/2016 21:14

YANBU.

Babysitting as a one off, because they have to go into work, or have some sort of appointment, or are ill or so on, then yes, it'd be reasonable to help them out if you could.

But because they don't want to have to bother caring for their child on their day off? No. Especially not when they're getting grandparents in to babysit while they relax most weekends.
You and your DH have just as much right to relax and do whatever you want on your days off as they do.

KatharinaRosalie · 13/04/2016 21:15

'But it's my brother' - yes and that's his kid. that he apparently does not want to spend any time with.

Sparklycat · 13/04/2016 21:17

Sounds like they don't want their toddler. When I worked full time I used to hate having plans that took me away from my precious 2 days with mine.

SquidgeyMidgey · 13/04/2016 21:18

Flipping heck, can they seriously not be bothered to look after their own child for one weekend? If your DH is so keen let him do it, while you go off out somewhere. Or does your DH expect you to look after the cuckoo?

0dfod · 13/04/2016 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
I8toys · 13/04/2016 21:21

May have to have some wine and tell them what I really think.

OP posts:
MeMySonAndl · 13/04/2016 21:21

No, no, no. Just say no. If they are not working on the day and just want for someone to take over on the care of the child for them to take a rest, the best thing you can do for that child is to stay out.

Simply put, how are they going to learn about the realities (warts and all) of parenting and learn to deal with issues if there is some one bailing them out all the time?

blankmind · 13/04/2016 21:21

I agree with take your own two dc out for the day and leave your DH with the couple and their child.

That might open his eyes a bit. What will he do, babysit their toddler while they either go out or sleep in your bed? Be interesting to see how he handles that.

TheDowagerCuntess · 13/04/2016 21:26

Your DH is agreeing to this, as he knows them coming around to yours is an 'easier' option for him (see: is being a parent ever the same for a man as a woman? thread).

Very much agree that if this is what ends up happening, then you and the DC opt out, and leave him to it - if he's so keen to be helpful to his brother.

grapejuicerocks · 13/04/2016 21:27

They sound awful. Poor kid. TBH it's good she's got such caring gp's. I dread to think what her life would be like on her own with parents like that. Never been to soft play? Shock

Thisismyfirsttime · 13/04/2016 21:27

I'd let them come but make it clear to DH that WE'RE going out. All of us. You, DH, your kids and them with theirs. If you were going to go to soft play anyway make them all go. Do your kids like fussing over the little one? If so even better. Or a park, anywhere really but when the arrive you and DH should make it clear that you're going out and they're expected to come. I don't think that would be unreasonable considering most people wouldn't stay indoors all day on a Saturday anyway. If they start suggesting you take their kid and they'll stay at yours you can pretend you think they're joking because that would be odd!

TendonQueen · 13/04/2016 21:28

Yes, tell DH you and the kids will be out but he can host by himself.

grapejuicerocks · 13/04/2016 21:30

let them come but if they show signs of wanting to leave you to it, just remind them you've been working all week too and whilst you would love a break "IT"S NOT FAIR ON THE KIDS".