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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man is a shameless racist.

107 replies

Misssss · 13/04/2016 11:57

One of my very close friends has another close friend who I see fairly often as we all live in the same area. The friend of friend is lovely but a little too sweet. I don't think she has a bad bone in her body (she refuses to join in with bitching and always finds positives in everyone.)

Recently the friend of a friend has got a new boyfriend. At first he was ok but seemed very interested in the fact that I'm black. He was always asking for my opinion on the best Caribbean takeaway in the city or how to make jerk chicken. A few weeks ago we were in a bar and it was his round. I ordered a red wine. He came back with a can of Red Stripe for me because he thought I'd prefer it. I declined the drink as I hate lager and went and bought my own.

At the weekend he started to refer to me as "my n*gga" in reference to a popular hip hop song. He then had the audacity to play it on his phone in a pub.

By this point I'd had enough and called him on his fuckery. He got really defensive and said that his other black friends didn't mind and insinuated that I was being too sensitive. Friend of friend insists that he didn't mean it and he just thought i would find it funny.

Aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 13/04/2016 13:02

He is either a massive racist or a weirdo who wants a minority in his entourage - I say that as he reminds me strongly of a woman who was so desperate for a 'Gay Best Friend' that she almost threw herself at anyone gay regardless of their interests/personality. It was so weird - when she finally obtained a Gay BFF she delighted in referring to herself as a 'fag hag', used offensive terms but she was allowed too, cos she was his best mate and 'part of the scene'

Shudder.

5608Carrie · 13/04/2016 13:03

I am sorry this happened to you. He sounds very unpleasant. Thanks

Mummydearest85 · 13/04/2016 13:03

Omg! It's hard to believe these people still exist Shock what a shameless racist tw*t!
YANBU! What would anyone see in a person like that?

macbethoftheisle · 13/04/2016 13:04

his black friends:

  • don't exist
  • or they are people "within his social circle" in a David Brent style, or friends of friends. He sees them at social occasions and talks to (at) them but they tolerate him.

(you do realise he's the kind of oddball fantasist who is now telling other people about his "female black friend who gives me her Caribbean recipes" who is YOU Confused).

I'm Asian so I feel your pain btw! I was at a Buddhist retreat and some older white dude started by telling me about his female friend who had introduced him to meditation (he tried to make it clear had an Asian name Hmm)

as the conversation went on it became clearer he was an utter weird fantasist who wanted to latch onto me and ignore my "I am reading leave me alone" signals.

When younger I used to have a much higher tolerance level for this as I was wary about being carictured as "over-sensitive". But as I get older I think my 1st impulses are normally right.

Elle80 · 13/04/2016 13:06

He sounds like an absolute fucktard.

macbethoftheisle · 13/04/2016 13:07

Sorry, that should have been female "friend". As in he was talking about her as if she was a mate, but as the conversation continued, judging by his weird mannerisms I think she was just some woman he had latched onto for a short while a long time ago.

SuburbanCrofter · 13/04/2016 13:10

I'm trying to think of something constructive to say here but all I can come up with is 'what an utter cockbadger'.

MyFriendGoo52 · 13/04/2016 13:18

I know black people who refer to each other as ' nigga '. I wouldnt ever use it (( personally I find it offensive )) and even if I did use it within certain groups I wouldnt be thick enough to use it around everyone who was black because I know it's an offensive term. He's a racist fool on that basis alone.

The drink thing is a tricky one (( assuming you are Jamaican / have Jamaican heritage since all black people I know are British )) I wouldnt find that anymore presumptious than buying an Irish.person a pint of guinness or assuming they like it.

gobbynorthernbird · 13/04/2016 13:27

FFS MyFriend buying an Irish person a Guinness is just as racist. Especially if they've asked for a pina colada or whatever drink is completely different.

SoupDragon · 13/04/2016 13:29

I had a car full of 17 yr old boys (all white) the other night, singing along to rap songs. Without exception, they all paused whenever the rapper used the N word and missed it out.

gobbynorthernbird · 13/04/2016 13:30

But, yeah, this guy is a knob. Same sort of person who can't get over my mate preferring New Order over Bob Marley. Because they know soooo much about the homogeneous mass that is all black people.

SoupDragon · 13/04/2016 13:32

I wouldnt find that anymore presumptious than buying an Irish.person a pint of guinness or assuming they like it.

You don't see a problem with buying a person a different drink to what they asked for, based purely on a racial stereotype? it's horrendously rude quite apart from any racial stuff.

Budgetbust · 13/04/2016 14:05

MyFriendGoo52 speaking for myself; as an individual Irish person; if you brought me back a pint of Guinness when I'd asked for a glass of wine, it is entirely possible that you would find yourself wearing it, while getting a lecture.

Please note I say this as an individual and am not speaking for the entire Irish population as we are all individuals............Shamrock

Oh an OP I agree-he's racist.

123lekl · 13/04/2016 16:24

He's blatantly a racist idiot! Flowers that you've been subjected to this

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/04/2016 16:30

The drink thing is a tricky one (( assuming you are Jamaican / have Jamaican heritage since all black people I know are British )) I wouldnt find that anymore presumptious than buying an Irish.person a pint of guinness or assuming they like it. As long as you fully expect, every time you ask for a beer, to be given tea and crumpets. Hmm

emotionsecho · 13/04/2016 16:46

I am Shock at him bringing you a can of Red Stripe instead of the red wine you asked for, if you asked for a plum no doubt he'd have brought you a banana - you are spot on OP he is most definitely an unashamed racist twat and I'm sorry your friend can't see it.

Myfriend, I can't believe you cannot see the inherent racism in what he did, do you truly think it is acceptable to buy someone something other than what they asked for on the basis that due to their race/ethnicity they would prefer it?

UmbongoUnchained · 13/04/2016 16:47

The drink thing happened to me too! Asked for a gin and tonic and got given a bottle of Tsing Tao, you know, "being Chinese and all".

I'm Japanese.

OurBlanche · 13/04/2016 16:55

OK...

So the little woman orders wine and Heap Big Fucktard brings her something else as he knows she will prefer it = Misogynistic Twat

The black person orders a drink and Heap Big Fucktard brings them Red Strip, cos it will remind them of home, innit! = Racist Twat

So you can tell your friend that he was a complete Gobshite and needs to learn some better manners before some irritated Black Bitch Tears Him a New One!

Send pictures when you do Smile

HooseRice · 13/04/2016 17:05

umbongo Shock

Do you know OP's friend's boyf?

Can't believe there are two massive twunts that do this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/04/2016 17:12

Can't believe there are two massive twunts that do this. I can. Because I've been given halves instead of pints before. Wankers who think they know better than you come in many flavours; racist, sexist and lots of others.

UmbongoUnchained · 13/04/2016 17:15

Haha could've been the same bloke! Small world.

Ozwizard · 13/04/2016 17:24

Ma honkey what up? Would he like it if you referred to him by that? He's a massive loser.

YoJesse · 13/04/2016 17:26

He's a racist bell end. Seriously what a twat. I work in a very ethnically diverse workplace. A colleague who was very popular 'blacked up' a couple of Halloweens ago to the disgust of everyone. Her excuse 'oh it's alright cos I'm friends with loads of black people' Hmm.

macbethoftheisle · 13/04/2016 17:27

@Hooserice

my own experience - it is fairly day to day stuff unfortunately. And it is tiresome having to call people out on it EVERY single time.

an ex friend of mine (not a very nice person) would regularly send me links on "positive stories she read about immigrants to show she was for them" or "stories about people from your background because you want to discuss them". she doesn't have many friends, immigrant or otherwise.

Or the weedy unattractive guys who come up (unprompted) with something they've read from the Guardian about oppressed ethnic women (that's what I love talking about, you see - also bear in mind the "ethnic women" are generally just one generic lot Hmm) so I have to shag them as reward because they "get" me and i am desperate for a sensitive white dude who "gets" me.

YoJesse · 13/04/2016 17:28

To clarify, she put the pics on Fb. I wasn't out with her!

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