To call up maternity unit and let them hear the meltdown they've just caused my wife.

[MissusWrex]

Ok well I wouldn't really do that but am feeling very angry right now.

This is my other half's account. She has autism spectrum disorder and dyspraxia.

We had a cesarean section booked for this Thursday. This morning we recieved a call asking us if we could move it up to tomorrow.

We had a discussion about it, checked whether we could change childcare etc. and my wife agreed after she'd worked it through in her head.

We got everything packed and ready. Sat down five minutes ago and received another phone call.

Our appointment had to get changed to Friday. We were given no choice about this, couldn't change back to our original date. Just a sorry, it's got to be Friday now.

We can't get childcare for Friday though I appreciate this isn't the hospitals problem.

What I am very angry about though is that now my heavily pregnant wife is having the mother of all meltdowns upstairs. She is screaming, banging around and I'm just praying she isn't hurting herself. I can't restrain her obviously and she is immensely strong during these episodes which are actually exceptionally rare these days.

It has been a difficult and complicated pregnancy.

AIBU in thinking that maybe they should have just given a little extra consideration given her disability and not changed dates twice in the space of a few hours?

Should I call PALS, I just want to let someone know what this has caused.

I know somebody who was gowned and prepped and in theatre for a section and then it was cancelled - because somebody needed that team more right at that point. It happens. Two cancellations is regrettable but hardly unprecedented and this is an elective procedure. An emergency procedure would be handled very differently.

I am rather puzzled though OP as to why you felt you should use your wife's account to post this and I would suggest having it deleted immediately (using the report function) as I suspect she is not going to cope well if she reads it.

Thank you RedTooth, yes it more the fact they moved her from Thursday, to Wednesday, to Friday in a short amount of time on the same day than that they had to change dates around.

It would have been better if possible to wait until the end of the 'shuffle' (if that's even how it works) and then notified my wife of the change.

Northern we share this account. My wife is fully aware I use it, mainly for lurking around the sn board (very helpful for both understanding and helping my daughter and wife). I tend to 'watch' threads rather than post.

I'm not being sarcastic here, it is ok to share an account isn't it? I'm genuinely sorry if I've broken some terms of use.

C sections can and do change due to emergencies and more urgent cases. They are not doing it to be mean.
I was 15 hours nil by mouth and then was cancelled.
It is your wife's medical condition that makes change hard to cope with. So I wouldn't blame the hospital. They are juggling all sorts of things that you and your wife have no visibility of. Focus on supporting her not complaining to the hospital.
She could still get changed or cancelled even cancelled on the day. These things happen. Some people aren't bothered others will find it very tough. Clearly your wife is one of the latter group. But she managed to get married and have kids so no doubt she will get through a change of c section date too.

It causes confusion if two people post using the same account as you get two 'voices'. I'm sure there are lots of posters whose spouse also 'lurks' as you describe. My concern (and if you've lurked not posted) is that this thread will appear on 'Threads i'm on' for however long your wife has it set for. AIBU is not the SN board and you have no control over what people will post later today. There can be some pretty difficult to read stuff posted and your wife does NOT need that today.

Not RTFT but if it's been a difficult and complicated pregnancy that means it's been risky for your wife and the baby, and in those circumstances they should be reassuring you and explaining the reason for any changes, particularly around the delivery date.

I'm not autistic but if the hospital had delayed my admission date for induction I'd have had a meltdown. As it was once I was in they couldn't put me on a drip for 2 days so I was convinced my baby would die. If I was autistic and that had happened god knows what I'd have done.

I think you need to speak to PALs. They cannot deal with high risk pregnancies and mothers like this, it's just not on.

Sorry this is going to sound harsh but if your wife has a meltdown over a change of date for her CS, how is she going to cope with the unpredictability of bringing up a child?
If the date has had to be changed its because there is a good reason (ie somebody else has a more pressing medical need to come in on that day).

I totally sympathize with you and an apology for another change wouldn't have gone amiss. Obviously we don't know why they cancelled it on Thursday. I get why it may have been cancelled tomorrow, as they may well have emergencies - eg I had a scan with my DD in afternoon, a problem was confirmed, so I was allowed to go back home, get my things and then had to be admitted for a trial labour, but if problems occurred or it became imperative to get DD out then a C section would be performed. I still had to phone up before my return to ensure there was a bed for me! It may well have been I had taken someone's bed for the next day but hospital felt it was an emergency which took precedence.

I do think you should calmly let the hospital know what effect this has had on your wife, they should be cognisant of her MH it is so important that hospitals learn how to help people such as your wife. As someone with MH issues I to would have found this hard but in my case they knew and accommodated my needs in a sympathetic way. It all helped so much and made everything much easier. Depending on which trust you are under MH in pregnancy is dealt with differently, I am really lucky where I am but other trusts are catching up slowly. By users of the system flagging these issues up the services can learn and adapt. Also please don't worry that your wife's reaction will 'Flag you up in some sort of system' SS etc will not get involved because a very pregnant woman with Autism has had a meltdown, and shame on all those suggesting this. It is hard enough being a mother with health issues without this.

Northern I have posted before re: support regarding my wife and she is happy about this. Sometimes she reads it sometimes she doesn't want to.

Piesoclock yes it has been a difficult pregnancy. My wife has a uterine abnormality, a number of previous losses (two in the second trimester) and a lot of problems with IUGR and reduced movements in the last few weeks. She is convinced our son will die before he can come out and so had a lot of anxiety re: this anyway.

Slowly I did post earlier on in the thread re: having no concerns over wife coping with a second baby. We have a lot of support and social services have already been to see us and are happy with everything we have in place.

I absolutely understand emergencies come first, I just feel the actual changing around should have been handled differently if possible.

Sorry this is going to sound harsh but if your wife has a meltdown over a change of date for her CS, how is she going to cope with the unpredictability of bringing up a child?

Mental health issues do not make people 'bad parents'. Nor does it mean they can't cope. Women with mental health issues are particularly vulnerable whilst pregnant or immediately after due to hormones / emotions etc. The rest of the time they might have any problems at all, or their conditions are completely manageable.

If there is any cause for concern then social services will be involved to give support if needed.

You do realise that your comments are extremely poor and ignorant. If people do find things hard then prejudiced attitudes like yours don't exactly help.

HTH

quite possible the 2 consultants hadn't realised each other had called to rearrange cs?..they may only have allocated theatre time so it may be out of their hands...this does happen!

Where did I suggest that she would be a bad mother?! Read my post properly before you start accusing me of ignorance.

Is there some reason to think Slowinggettinghangofthing & I don't have mental illness?
Maybe we speak with experience.

That's EXACTLY what you said Slowly.

I did read your post properly. You said she couldn't cope with the demands of a child if she couldn't cope with the unpredictability of this.

It was totally unacceptable in this day and age. Yes people with certain special needs struggle in certain situations but this is why they need support by society not a kicking to say they are inadequate in any way.

Having worked in the NHS, I think Scotsgirls explanation is the most realistic. I would also say that being called personally by both consultants is a service most don't get and suggests to me they were trying. But do talk to PALS later on - the hospital can't do anything about its procedures without feedback.

The reasons may be beyond the hospital's control and we don't know the full reasons but I would hope someone with autism would have priority over other women due to have ECS especially after date has been changed once.

It amazes me how little some medical professionals know about autism.

Having to rearrange for a higher medical priority is completely understandable. Not being able to extend the conversation by a whole five seconds to say 'We're really sorry to make changes, but...' is not understandable and not acceptable. I get that medical staff have a very busy time of it but very basic communication principles like that should not be ignored. And the poster saying 'you don't deserve to have the NHS should be ashamed of themselves. It's a universal service, available even to murderers and child abusers, so it is way out of line to attempt to guilt trip the partner of a vulnerable patient for daring to criticise any aspect of the process, especially when they've been let down by it.

Awful to hear this is stressing your wife and I hope she is ok.

Hospitals need to change schedules in order of priority.

This isn't meant to sound rude but how does she deal with day to day parenting if this stressed her to this extreme?

"Mental health issues do not make people 'bad parents'. Nor does it mean they can't cope."

ASD is a permanent condition, not a mental health issue.

Sorry just saw your already answered the question

She is experiencing anxiety.

This isn't meant to sound rude but how does she deal with day to day parenting if this stressed her to this extreme?

With support?

"Not being able to extend the conversation by a whole five seconds to say 'We're really sorry to make changes, but...' is not understandable"

I don't think you understand ASD and why this rescheduling has caused OP's DW to be upset. Saying "We're sorry, but..." would not have changed anything for her.