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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'Go private' AIBU

47 replies

Thebrowntrout · 12/04/2016 07:27

AIBU to be a bit fed up of the threads where someone or someone's child is in pain and they are told often with a or to 'go private'

Why is it acknowledged some people are really struggling but where health is concerned you can apparently pull money out of your bum.

Well guess what? You can't.

OP posts:

Mousefinkle · 12/04/2016 07:30

I see a lot of things on here like that. "Go private", "Get a cleaner."

It's so far removed from my life it's not even funny.

Ifailed · 12/04/2016 07:32

I fully understand where you are coming from, and can see how would be very annoying to be told that when your bum has run out of cash.

However, I've known situations where it just didn't occur to someone to go private, it was not something they or their family had ever done so it wasn't on their radar. No need for the sarccy smileys though.

Original poster

Thebrowntrout · 12/04/2016 07:37

So 'is going private an option?' would suffice wouldn't it?

OP posts:

curren · 12/04/2016 07:37

It depends.

I have seen 'have you thought about/can you go private'

Or 'is going private an option.

I don't see what's wrong with that. Unless someone is adamant that everyone can find the money to go private.

redskytonight · 12/04/2016 07:39

I genuinely can't think of a thread where it's clear that someone is struggling to find their next penny and is told to "go private".

I do think that plenty of people say "can't afford" when they mean "we choose to spend our money in other ways", and actually it's possible (and note I only say possible, of course this won't only be the case) that reprioritising their finances will make enough money available.

NNalreadyinuse · 12/04/2016 07:39

I would never say this to someone but to defend it a little, sometimes you can buy a one off service for an amount of money which is not unmanageable to find for many people and it stops you from worrying or speeds up the treatment process if a problem is diagnosed.

Obviously people on very low incomes don't have that option and it is grossly unfair that their health options are less than those who have money. But the poster giving the advice might not know the OPs financial situation when giving that advice.

Recentlty I bought a private test for one of my dc. The nhs dr was not investigating my child's condition thoroughly and it bought me answers and peace of mind. I hadn't realised it was possible to buy a one off service and I can honestly say it was the best £200 I've ever spent. I am grateful that I could afford that option.

PPie10 · 12/04/2016 07:40

I agree* completely with redsky.*

Original poster

Thebrowntrout · 12/04/2016 07:43

Neither can I redsky but that's the point.

People don't tend to say 'I am in shocking pain and by the way I'm skint.' The thread tends to be about one or the other.

OP posts:

MattDillonsPants · 12/04/2016 07:58

It's part of the attitude which some people have where they assume everyone has a safety net of money...savings...in the bank which are there for emergencies.

Some people can't imagine not having that.

BarbaraofSeville · 12/04/2016 08:05

I also agree with RedSky. Some people spend all sorts of money on all sorts of shit and then moan about being skint.

Also, going private often costs less than people think. Someone upthread mentions spending £200 on some tests. Yes, that is unaffordable to some. But it is within the reach of many. It is not like it is millionaire only territory.

You could easily spend more than that on a day out to a theme park and the crowds at places like Legoland this week would indicate that the country is not short of people with a couple of hundred pounds to spare.

ClopySow · 12/04/2016 08:06

I "went private" for a month because i couldn't get an nhs physio for 10 weeks and was crying with pain. I'm still "reprioritising my finances". It's shit. I can't even begin to imagine what i'd have done if i'd had less money. Cried a lot and took huge quantities of pain relief long term i imagine.

YANBU

Toffeelatteplease · 12/04/2016 08:29

I'm on benefits but I do get some maintenance. I've paid for private therapy assessments and on occasion private therapy. It has considerably improved the treatment DS has had within the nhs. As it isn't sustainable that DS gets good treatment on the nhs is essential. I often advise getting a private assessment if you can. Sometimes those whom can least afford it most need it long run. For me it was just about prioritising. I don't smoke rarely drink, have a pension or very much savings. However I had already scaled back my house, cheaper area and outgoings (after the divorce) so that helped

SpanielLedWeaning · 12/04/2016 09:05

It's not always the answer. I was suffering from a tooth infection and taking antibiotics screwed with my other health conditions.

I want the tooth removed but the next available nhs appointment was 2.5 weeks away. Decided to go private and out of the 5 dentists I called, the next available appointment was... 2.5 weeks away. Throwing money at something is not always the answer.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 12/04/2016 09:15

YANBU.

Sometimes, no matter how much pain you are in its just not possible. I have a dental access at the moment but am suffering a 12-18 week wait to be seen by the dental hospital. My own dentist suggested that I just magically 'go private'. Umm no. I'm overdrawn from the three emergency appointments, 2 antibiotics, special mouthwash and shitload of painkillers I've had to have in the last five weeks. If it was possible to 'reprioritise'my finances I bloody would.

ridingabike · 12/04/2016 09:19

Sometimes people can afford it and it either doesn't occur to them, or they think they've paid their taxes so will use the NHS. I have some older friends (just retired, semi-retired) who are comfortably off. I was really surprised when I heard the husband say he was waiting for an MRI scan for a knee problem. I thought he could have just rocked up and had it like tomorrow if he paid for it.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 12/04/2016 09:22

*abscess. Dental abscess, not 'dental access'

NNalreadyinuse · 12/04/2016 09:27

My dad refuses to go private because he thinks it is morally wrong to skip the queue just because you have money. He has put up with significant pain because he thinks that wealthier people skipping the queue for possibly less urgent matters cause longer waiting times for those whose need is maybe greater but who don't have the money to pay.

FinallyFreeFromItAll · 12/04/2016 09:31

A single consultants appointment is in the reach of most (£180-270 sort of cost in the midlands). It can really help. In fact my brother owes his life to my mom paying for a consultants appointment privately after the local hospital wrote him off as terminal. Lots of people do the one private appointment, then back on nhs but for many others they don't even realise they can do that. I think its a good thing for it to be suggested. Oh and I'm a single mom on benefits before you jump on me.

soapboxqueen · 12/04/2016 09:31

Going private isn't an option for many but for many others it is. Also going private doesn't always mean thousands of pounds or a long term commitment to insurance etc. Sometimes it's useful for people to know that a service is available privately or that a one off appointment can be used or that it's going to cost £90 not £500.

Information is just information. You can choose to use it or not.

cheapandcheerful · 12/04/2016 09:36

I think it is always assumed on here that people have plenty of money.

Recently I suggested a handbag as a gift idea within a £30 budget. I was first told that you couldn't get a handbag for £30 and then that someone would be offended if they received such a handbag if they were usually accustomed to designer things.

Since when is 'designer' the norm???

I appreciate that nobody's saying that 'going private' is the norm, but I agree that there is often the assumption of ridiculous wealth on mnet.

Phineyj · 12/04/2016 09:40

NNalready I have heard people express your DDad's point of view and have sometimes countered that it seems morally wrong to me to take up a 'free' (subsidised) appointment service when I could easily afford to pay and therefore free resources up for someone who can't. It's simplistic to think there's a single 'queue' for everything.

Ime though the NHS is set up either on purpose or in effect to discourage 'mix and match' consumption of healthcare. It can be a bit of a revelation to find you can pay one off for some things and no-one can stop you, so I think it's worth making the suggestion especially for things like physio.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 12/04/2016 09:40

Red sky- hit the nail on the head.

Cancel sky, sell your iPhone. You do what you can.

I am sick of people saying in real life and on here " can't afford it". Yes you can, just prioritise. I am sick of how those who can't afford it seem to spend the most money on useless shit. Household income of 30k and 3 kids, oh yes your toddler needs 20 quid converse shoes and a new JoJo hat .

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 12/04/2016 09:41

someone said worse than that today..they berated someone for NOT going private and gave them a guilt trip

Pollyputhtekettleon · 12/04/2016 09:55

I suggested to a poster to go private yesterday but that was after she said she could afford initial consultations private but not necessarily follow ups do I sad do the initial consultations as at least then she would know hopefully if something was really wrong.

I think OP YABU as I gave seen many different and perfectly polite and sensitive responses regarding the potential option to go private for some people. Some have even shared the costs from their own experiences and it has often been much cheaper than I expected (not that everyone can afford regardless but it would make some people suddenly think it was an option).

Also this is an Internet forum full of anonymous humans with different lives and experiences. It's perfectly reasonable to respond to a post based on your individual experience and opinion. Of its not affordable the OP can say 'it's not affordable'. They came online to ask a broad base of people for advice. These people and not psychic.

Stop contributing to the mass movement towards over sensitivity and offence about everything on mumsnet.

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 12/04/2016 10:00

I think people say that with the expectation of it being read as "if it is an option for you, then perhaps try going private", knowing that it won't be affordable for everyone but might for many, with rearrangement of finances.

Some have no idea how much/little it costs, whether it can be mixed and matched with NHS care, or whether there is any difference in service.

In some areas, there won't be any difference but speed of being seen. In other areas, it's a world away. I have paid for private occupational (hand) therapy that was a million times better than what I would have had on the NHS (which was nothing); I have also had private orthotics and physio, with similar results. I was getting nothing worthwhile on the NHS for orthotics, and while the physio was fine, it was only 2 sessions, and I still couldn't do the exercises, but that was all they could offer, so end of story. I have seriously had to rejig finances and cut out all kinds of things, but it's been worth it in those specific instances.

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