To ask why you go to work

[IamthepermedowlofVeronica]

Try to be brief but thorough....
Due back from 1 years maternity at the beginning of June. Hate job, don't want to go back. Have had offer of temporary ad hoc work between June and start of summer hols.
Wondered how much job seekers is whilst I apply and interview over summer hols. Did the online calculator tangy: If I work current hours and pay childcare I would earn £6 less than if I signed on job seekers.
So why should I go to work (no career, just a money earning job) and how does signing on work? Has anyone found it detrimental to confidence etc?
Hopefully I'll get another cash earning job in September or,something when ds will be 15 months

Gosh this went sideways! So if I claim benefits im a leech, if I don't and stay in current job im unhappy, if I sah im skint and disrepected by partner, if I work more hours im frowned upon. Fucked either way! Good thing I have self respect, full belief in myself and happy kids. If dp leaves me (and we're not married) and I don't have a career to support me I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
One thing I have learnt is to not to ask for advice on here! :)
Now play nicely you lot, we are all doing our best.

You posted on AIBU.
People have different views

I didn't feel that I had to use the word some men as I assumed (albeit naively) that posters would know that I didn't mean that all men thought this

You SPECIFICALLY said "even the most wonderful men" which means ALL of them. There was no implication of SOME. Stop backtracking and apologise.

And men who lose respect for women who are at home raising their children are ass-hat twatty men who are beneath contempt. As are the women who excuse such an attitude.

Smarter- you have latched onto the use of the word some, I explained what I meant .
I have obviously touched a nerve.
What do you want me to apologise for?

To be fair to smarter you did imply all by saying 'even the nicest ones.'
That most certainly does imply 'all'.

Even the nicest mothers slap their children. Is quite far away from some mothers slap their children.

Didn't expect it to go into a sahm/wohm debate tho!

Mini - it is all about interpretation.
I have explained what I meant, but Smarter has chosen to ignore this.

OP, sorry that your thread was derailed.

If you can't see the huge difference between some men don't respect women who don't work, and ALL men don't respect women who work, you could start by apologising for being so wilfully obtuse

And for the implication that mothers of children with SN are not respected by their partners. OR mothers of children without special needs, for that matter.

Just because you and your friends have dickhead husbands, doesn't mean all men are such twats.

My dh respects me greatly for being a sahm and not happy to take a job.
It allows us a great sex life, freedom to come and go as we please, lunches out, afternoons in bed if we want, one another's company, after years of raising kids.
I get to pursue hobbies and interests that make me far less boring than if I'd been stuck at work all day.
So it provides the freedom for us, and we wouldn't want to change that.

Strongly enough, DH and I have a great sex life, I can pursue hobbies and interests, I work in a job I like and I am certainly not boring!

*Strangely

areyoubeingserviced - I did find your post at the very least exceptionally goady. You phrased it unbelievably badly and I can understand why Smarter kicked off about it. I'm glad you don't really believe all men are so disrespectful! As for divorce, I think you'll find that when a man has had an affair and gone off with the new woman, that he has almost always lost respect for his dw, whether she carried on working or not. It suits their narrative better that way, to tell themselves their ex is somehow not what she sold herself to be when they originally married, or somehow hasn't pulled her weight, whether financially, emotionally or sexually.

Round- you are entitled to your opinion.i
However,I don't believe that I was being goady.
I believe that SOME posters are projecting their own insecurities. Therefore, it is difficult to have a rational conversation.

Of course it's difficult. I know you didn't mean it, areyoubeing, but I drew in my breath when you wrote it in exactly the same way I do when posters write about, eg, how they don't understand why people have children if they are going to pay someone else to look after them. You just can't get away with making blanket statements about huge swathes of humanity!

Besides, going to work so that a disrespectful man will hopefully respect you more is a pretty crappy reason for doing it.

tbh Round, I have come to the conclusion that some people enjoy taking offence.
There are certain things that other posters have said that I don't agree with
However, I have always been willing to engage in rational discussion and have been willing to backtrack.
However, I honestly don't think that my post was goady. When I realised that it may have been perceived as goady, I attempted to explain .
However, there are some posters who refused to accept my explanation . In fact I have found some of posters to be goady, but i do not take offence, because I think it says more about them than me.
One cannot accuse someone of being goady and then become goady .

We outsource rather a lot of the DCs education and healthcare. I would happily outsource even more of DD's education if I could find local suppliers who met my standards. But I can't, so either DIY or just leave it.

Ironically, given your last comment, I initially interpreted your post as someone becoming goady because you had been goaded by others! There was so much tit for tatting going on, with equally silly remarks on both sides of the WOHM/SAHM debate, that when yours came in the middle of it all, that is exactly what it looked like! It was not the best of times for you to mistakenly think everyone would know that "even the most wonderful men lose a little respect for their dw" does not actually mean all men.

(Ps that was directed at aretoubeingserviced)

Sorry round- I don't get your last comment

I believe that SOME posters are projecting their own insecurities. Therefore, it is difficult to have a rational conversation

You, clearly. You muct be very insecure to think your own partner will only respect you for your job and your money. Do you not think you'd be worthy of respect if you didn't work?
That's sad for you. Hard to live with someone who thinks so little of you.Must be why you try to make it that everyone elses partners must be as disrespectful as yours. Sorry, it's your problem, not everyone elses.

I meant, areyoubeingserviced that your comment about "even the most wonderful men" losing respect for SAH wives came across as a post from someone being goady because they had been goaded, given that it came in the middle of exactly that sort of tit for tat goading.

As a matter of interest, what category of man falls outside of the "even the most wonderful" sort of man that would not respect their dw as much unless she was paid to work outside the home?

oranges

I was responding to comments that sahm dh don't respect them.
Not that we have some sort of lifestyle others don't, but that it's enough for me and I don't need a job. Personally, I would be boring if I had a job, as we both enjoy freedom to come and go as we please with hardly any restrictions on our time. Much like I think it would be like when retired.
It's each to their own though, life would be boring if we were all the same doing the same things like sheep.

I am really having to bite my tongue at the sheer inane bollocks that's Being written....

I don't think tongue biting has helped you, wannabestressfree. Have you tried CBT?