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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sell a potentially £million plus property for £200,000?

507 replies

InheritanceDilema · 10/04/2016 20:34

Got a really sticky situation and need some advice.

FIL has died and Dh and BIL have inherited his house and small holding. We are not local and do not wish to live there. It's BILs dream to live there and he wants to buy us out and will happily pay us half of the £400,000 valuation of the small holding inc the house.

There are eight acres of land and I genuinely believe that planning permission could be got. The fields are in the middle of a village, so surrounded by built up areas/houses on all sides. Obviously if planning permission was gained the value of the land would be a lot more.

Bil has no interest in planning permission or making any money. He wants to live in his childhood home surrounded by goats, chickens and gooseberry bushes living a River Cottage dream. Dh doesn't want to rock the boat and doesn't know what to do.

I know if we did sell it we could put a thing on the sale saying if BIL did in the future get planning permission we would be entitled to more money. But I know BIL wouldn't ever seek planning permission. He won't even consider only having some of the land and planning permission for the rest of it. He wants a couple of ponies and says he needs all the land. I don't want to kiss goodbye to a considerable amount of money just to keep the peace.....we're not that well off. BIL owns 4 houses and already has a fantastic pension as well as rental income and his current house is worth half a million. We're in a terrace with no other houses and while £200,000 is a lot of money i don't think it's fair that BIL expects us to let him have his own way.

OP posts:
bakeoffcake · 10/04/2016 22:13

"BIL won't entertain the idea of him and DH having half each".

In that case put the whole lot up for sale on the open market, after enquiringly into planning permission.

SoThatHappened · 10/04/2016 22:15

I would just say it needs to be sold. BIL doesnt need it. I have a feeling after he pays DH £200k he will sell it at full market value.

bakeoffcake · 10/04/2016 22:15

£200,000 iS a lot of money but it isn't life changing for everyone. It would only buy a small flat around here.

Valentine2 · 10/04/2016 22:15

Oh and the money is NOT DH's money ONLY. It is her family's money and I am sure she can think of a dozen things she could do for her family with it along with her DH. So she must have a say in it specially considering the presbious history

witsender · 10/04/2016 22:15

Food banks are irrelevant tbh.

Valentine2 · 10/04/2016 22:15

"The history" bloody phone 😡

bettyberry · 10/04/2016 22:16

OP If its not been said. Advise your DH to

-get his own independent valuation from a couple of estate agents.

  • speak to a solicitor about the property and what can/will happen if he doesn't want to relinquish his half of the home.
  • get advice over potential planning permission.
  • Look at way's you could buy out his brother.

My suggestion - the land (fields only) should be split equally amongst the two of them. Your DH owns half, his brother owns half and either of them can do as they wish with that land. The house and its garden, If you BIL wishes to live there he buy out your DH or vice versa. He could do this with some of his land or with cash/whatever.

That way your BIL gets his wish - his family home, some land for that dream and your DH gets some land too that you can either sell, get planning permission for or rent out until you decide what to do with.

I would be concerned about a family member demanding it all. I'd be concerned he has chosen someone to value it. You need your own valuations and to go with your gut.

peggyundercrackers · 10/04/2016 22:17

Bakeoff exactly - it's a lot of money but not life changing.

Lunar1 · 10/04/2016 22:18

I love MN sometimes, every couple should have completely open, joint finances. Except of course where inheritance is concerned, the partner should fuck off, it's not their family, their business or their money.

zoemaguire · 10/04/2016 22:18

I am dumbfounded by the 'it's none of your business' chorus. This affects their family and children, possibly for several generations down the line. Of course it's op's business! Do none of you discuss life changing financial decisions with your partners? Mind boggling. I wish my dad had been more forceful about discouraging my DM from making frankly bonkers financial decisions about her inheritance from her parents. He kept quiet for an easy life, while she basically spent it on fripperies. They could have been set financially for life, and now they are having to count the pennies. Makes me really sad to think about it.

SoThatHappened · 10/04/2016 22:19

£200,000 iS a lot of money but it isn't life changing for everyone. It would only buy a small flat around here.

Only? I'd love to buy a small flat. I cant get out of private rent. It is all relative isnt it.

Marmitelover55 · 10/04/2016 22:19

I don't think you are being grabby either. If I inherit some money I will consider it to be "ours" not "mine". I agree you need to get some more independent valuations done.

PippaFawcett · 10/04/2016 22:19

I'm with you, OP. Seek proper legal advice and consider all the options properly and thoroughly and don't be pressured into anything that isn't in your family's best interests.

EddieStobbart · 10/04/2016 22:19

I think £200k is a life changing amount of money. It's for that reason I think it's important that the OP's DH properly discusses everything with his DB armed with all relevant information before they make any decisions.

Slarti · 10/04/2016 22:20

Why not let him live in it and pay you an agreed rent? Then it can be sold and the proceeds split at a later date

I think this is pretty reasonable. BIL gets to live in his dream house but at some point in the future both brothers can either profit from the sale or pass it on to their children.

lorelei9here · 10/04/2016 22:22

OP I don't think you are being grabby
I'm puzzled by your assumption that your BIL will never sort development though. You can't predict the future in that way. I'd say the fairest thing is to sell with conditions attached so your DH gets a share of any development occurs, or they both sort out permission, then get it valued, then BIL pays half that figure.

Heidi42 · 10/04/2016 22:22

It is going to be really hard for you to cope with your bil my dear. I wonder/hope you can stand up to him, be strong ,

SoThatHappened · 10/04/2016 22:23

I wish my dad had been more forceful about discouraging my DM from making frankly bonkers financial decisions about her inheritance from her parents. He kept quiet for an easy life, while she basically spent it on fripperies.

You know one of my exes was like this zoemaguire. He was pissed off that when his paternal grandmother died, his paretns decided to pay off their mortgage, buy a nice new car and semi retire and go on lots of holidays.

My ex was furious about it, that they didnt give him any of it and pay his way and give him a house deposit nd pay off his debts that he incurred on fripperies. I said to him what I'll say to you, it his mother that died, it is his money, he can spend it as he chooses and if they want a comfortable retirement, good on them. Go out and make your own money.

I speak from a poor family where I have had to financially support my mother from my early twenties and she has fuck all to leave me. I just dont get this, my mum and dad are spending their money when they should give it to me and keep it for us and next generations.

guerre · 10/04/2016 22:26

Sell it to him now, but with a covenant on the land, so that if the land value increases in the next 40 years (or whatever, I don't know how old you all are) then you get 50% of uplift (or 25%, 30%, whatever). A solicitor can draw it up for you.

bakeoffcake · 10/04/2016 22:28

Yes Only it is all relative, which is why it's a bit silly for people to be shouting at the op telling her she's grabby.
Nobody knows her circumstances.

And being able to buy a small flat woulnt be "life changing" if you'd got 3 children because they wouldn't all fit in itSmile

Radyward · 10/04/2016 22:31

You are just stirring and money hungry and have lost the rUn of yourself Cop on to yourself and keep out of it . Your poor husband. As for your brother in law -jealous much ( so unattractive ) .

amicissimma · 10/04/2016 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICJump · 10/04/2016 22:33

If my partner tried to insist in this sort of thing with my parents estate I think I'd be heading to a divorce court.

200 grand is a shit load of money.

MrsJorahMormont · 10/04/2016 22:34

Haven't read the whole thread but I have no idea why the OP is getting such a kicking. Her family are in a one off position to really improve their financial situation. I would absolutely explore the planning angle and a proper valuation, while leaving the final decision to DH on the basis that it's his family. I don't believe for a second all these people saying they would just be grateful to get anything at all. A lot of these posts just smack of envy.

BeautifulMaudOHara · 10/04/2016 22:34

I agree with betty berry

£200k isn't life changing IMO. I'd get other valuations and consider selling the house and land separately. I wouldn't trust BIL

Everyone who says none of OP's business ought to remember that if you're married all property and cash are joint marital assets, of course it's her business