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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not sell a potentially £million plus property for £200,000?

507 replies

InheritanceDilema · 10/04/2016 20:34

Got a really sticky situation and need some advice.

FIL has died and Dh and BIL have inherited his house and small holding. We are not local and do not wish to live there. It's BILs dream to live there and he wants to buy us out and will happily pay us half of the £400,000 valuation of the small holding inc the house.

There are eight acres of land and I genuinely believe that planning permission could be got. The fields are in the middle of a village, so surrounded by built up areas/houses on all sides. Obviously if planning permission was gained the value of the land would be a lot more.

Bil has no interest in planning permission or making any money. He wants to live in his childhood home surrounded by goats, chickens and gooseberry bushes living a River Cottage dream. Dh doesn't want to rock the boat and doesn't know what to do.

I know if we did sell it we could put a thing on the sale saying if BIL did in the future get planning permission we would be entitled to more money. But I know BIL wouldn't ever seek planning permission. He won't even consider only having some of the land and planning permission for the rest of it. He wants a couple of ponies and says he needs all the land. I don't want to kiss goodbye to a considerable amount of money just to keep the peace.....we're not that well off. BIL owns 4 houses and already has a fantastic pension as well as rental income and his current house is worth half a million. We're in a terrace with no other houses and while £200,000 is a lot of money i don't think it's fair that BIL expects us to let him have his own way.

OP posts:
SoThatHappened · 10/04/2016 21:57

We're in a terrace with no other houses

How many houses do you need?

MiniCooperLover · 10/04/2016 21:58

It's not about 'how much money the OP needs', it's about her DH getting a fair share and not allowing BIL to bully him into a cheap sale.

StuffEverywhere · 10/04/2016 21:59

I don't think that the backstory indicates that BIL is sneaky. If you couldn't buy it out, and he couldn't buy it out, then what is there to do? He might have just been more of a risk taker, so decided firmly that it's a good opportunity and decided he'll get the money somewhere. Which he did.

Your DH is probably softer / less of a risk taker, which is nice in a different way. Money doesn't buy everything.

I would be grateful for 200K and wouldn't ask for trouble in the sense of potential tension, conflict and drama. You are not desperate exactly, and 200K is a life changing sum already. Be careful what you wish for.

What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness (TED talk)

NoMoreGrimble · 10/04/2016 21:59

I can see why your previous experience has left a bad taste and I too would be suspicious of BIL motives. But I do think your FIL was partly to blame for that original transaction being unfair.

I would try to encourage a proper red book valuation and I don't see why you can't express your opinions. I don't understand why you can't be vocal about looking out for your DH (and your family). Your BIL has already shown his greed.

Good luck.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 10/04/2016 21:59

I think OP might mean they're currently not well off. If a sale hasn't been agreed they don't have the £200,000 so might be skint at present.

StuffEverywhere · 10/04/2016 22:00

The TED talk above is about how money and happiness are not the same things.

Heidi42 · 10/04/2016 22:00

I am sorry to tell you this op but your hubbs sounds as if he is your bil narc supply .he wont be able to go against him if this is the case and you need to be strong and deal with him on your dh behalf. be prepared for being miss nasty good luck

Valentine2 · 10/04/2016 22:01

Don't sell it to him yet. He can still live in it and you can apply for planning permission. It's very selfish of him to think of his dreams only.

StuffEverywhere · 10/04/2016 22:02

Well... If owning a property doesn't mean you're well off, then what does??

peggyundercrackers · 10/04/2016 22:02

Stuffeverywhere 200k isn't life changing - it wouldn't buy a 1 bedroom flat in some areas of the county.

SoThatHappened · 10/04/2016 22:02

I am sorry to tell you this op but your hubbs sounds as if he is your bil narc supply

Oh ffs

EddieStobbart · 10/04/2016 22:02

I lost my DF but DB and I still had a proper conversation about the farm we'd inherited and I sought DH's option as it affected him too. If I thought that DB had put into place something that I'd agreed to when upset but later disadvantaged my DCs I'd be pretty disappointed with him. And If we'd fallen out over a property that was my DF's pride and joy, my DF would have been devastated.

I think it's really important to talk through all the issues before any decisions are made. I don't think anything should be done if the passing of the DF was recent, everyone needs space and time to go through the grieving process.

CinderellaRockefeller · 10/04/2016 22:03

I know you're saying that BIL "won't entertain" you keeping it as joint ownership but...how is he actually going to stop you? He can't make you sell it to him at a price he deems to be acceptable because his mate the estate agent told him that was what it was worth. He can't make you do anything with your half and still retain his.

He can force a sale of the whole thing, but then he will also want to maximise the value. So I suspect the planning permission will become more pertinent then.

Your DH has every right to retain his half and to get an appropriate valuation for it. He also has the right to sell it to his brother cheap so his brother can live out his dream, but I would suggest he thinks about if your brother would do the same for him before he makes his choice.

totalrecall1 · 10/04/2016 22:03

I think some of the posters are being a bit harsh OP. You are married and therefore this decision impacts you also, so you have a right to have a say in this. You are also right to want to make sure you get a fair share. Personally I would phone the council and enquire about the possibility of planning permission on the land, I would let him buy you out but have a clause in the contract regarding the building on the land, or split the land. Sell him the house priced without the land, he then gets half the land and you get half the land. He can keep his and you can build on yours.

peggyundercrackers · 10/04/2016 22:04

You NEED to speak up and speak to your DH.

Remember the MN mantra about money - all money is family money - YOU are part of the family so it's your money too.

44PumpLane · 10/04/2016 22:05

I'm sorry but I'm 100% in agreement with you OP. I think you are right to be at least CONSIDERING all options here.

To those posters saying its "none of your business", I don't understand that point of view at all. OPs husband has asked for her opinion. If they are an equal partnership I would think that each of them being able to have their own view on potentially huge sums of cash that will impact their family is just a given.

OP is not asking "how can I bully my husband into scamming his brother", she's asking for advice on a potentially high valuation discrepancy!!

There was a thread on here the other day appalled that someone had implied that the £117 a week/month that David Caneron had benefited from his offshore thing was neither here nor there, people were horrified that someone would be so blasé about that amount of money- now there's a load of people on here saying that taking £200k instead of investigating whether or not they should be entitled to £300k, £400k etc etc is grabby!!

If the BIL genuinely is only interested in the house and land for his personal use, then he should have no objection to getting a true assessment of its valuation and an understanding of whether planning would likely be granted and then paying on the basis of that valuation. At the point that BIL passes, his heirs may decide to sell up for development and realise the extra money in the land. Who knows......but a proper valuation would help settle these questions.

OP- I truly don't think you should bow out of this if you have been asked your opinion and you have an opinion. If BIL wants to live there it needs to be fair. Don't cheat yourself out of potentially hundreds of thousands "just to keep the peace". There is no reason BIL should have to fall out with you if he's actually being fair.

witsender · 10/04/2016 22:06

I would push for a valuation and a covenant if needs be. If the BIL has no plans then it won't bother him surely?

Arfarfanarf · 10/04/2016 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoThatHappened · 10/04/2016 22:09

£200k is a life changing sum no matter where you live.

I live in London and although £200k wouldnt buy a one bedroom flat, £200k would allow me to buy a flat at £300k in a decent area with only a £100k mortgage.

it would change my life and I could get out of paying rent.

StuffEverywhere · 10/04/2016 22:10

Stuffeverywhere 200k isn't life changing - it wouldn't buy a 1 bedroom flat in some areas of the county.

With that attitude no amount of money will ever be enough, will it?

Then again, if we're talking about people who feel the need to buy additional properties in the most expensive areas of the country to feel at peace, then what do I know?

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 10/04/2016 22:10

I don't get the "it's your Dh's money so butt out" reactions because the usual consensus of opinion on MN is that there is no such thing as seperate money in a marriage. It's all considered family money, so what affects the DH directly affects OP.

witsender · 10/04/2016 22:11

Suggest he puts it on the open market at sealed bids.

Ouriana · 10/04/2016 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Valentine2 · 10/04/2016 22:12

I am pretty amazed at all the posts here who are trying to blame the OP for being grabby and greedy and all. It's very annoying to see that after all the back story she has told here, it looks like the BIL is not being fair and is pushing them into something they want to at least not do for a while. It's downright unfair of a brother to do that. Specially when it's not like his life depends on it. Both sides can wait and have a potential plan to see what happens about planning permission and all. It's only fair. Why call someone greedy just because they have inherited something and want to check if it's fair or not.

SoThatHappened · 10/04/2016 22:13

With that attitude no amount of money will ever be enough, will it?

Exactly Stuffeverywhere.

If £200k isnt life changing.....I dont know what to say. We have food banks in this country fgs.

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