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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for a hand to hold

113 replies

Tootsiepops · 09/04/2016 20:13

...whilst my (legally dead) mum is in theatre donating her organs? I'm bereft. She went in for a somewhat routine operation on Wednesday, there were complications, and she's not coming home. She was declared brain dead last night. I am so lost. I didn't know the organ donation process was so lengthy. I really hope the recipients lead full and happy lives. I need something positive to cling to as right now I am struggling to get off the floor it hurts so completely.

Love you so much Mum x

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 10/04/2016 01:13

I'm so sorry OP. Flowers for you and your wonderful mum.

bialystockandbloom · 10/04/2016 01:21

Oh I'm so sorry Flowers

You sound like a credit to your lovely mum, and it is a wonderful, wonderful thing that she has done. am so truly sorry for your loss.

Ohfourfoxache · 10/04/2016 01:28

There are no words darling Sad I'm so sorry Thanks

Try to rest now xx

Janecc · 10/04/2016 01:36

You and your mother sound like amazing people. Thank you for you love and bravery. I am so sorry for you loss. Xxx

carelesswhisper27 · 10/04/2016 01:41

I rarely post but I had to say how sorry I am. Sudden out of the blue losses are always tough. Another thinking of you, I hope you manage to rest somewhat Flowers

LatriceRoyale · 10/04/2016 07:40

I'm so sorry for your loss and in awe that you family was able to make that difficult decision to help others xx

Barmaid101 · 10/04/2016 07:48
Flowers
WavingFlag · 12/04/2016 05:52

I just wanted to add how amazing you sound.
A colleague lost his wife suddenly at the weekend during an op.
The poor lady was only in her 50's and has now donated some organs.
I can't begin to imagine what that must be like for him.
my heart breaks for him and you and anyone else going through this.
How are you doing op?
FlowersFlowers

smalllondon · 12/04/2016 09:11

I'm so sorry to hear this for you. Life is just so cruel and unfair sometimes and I'm just as a loss to why. I hope that the donation will bring a small light to a dark situation.

Just remember it is early days and a total shock so be kind to yourself and take the time you need.

memyselfandaye · 12/04/2016 09:37

I'm so very sorry for your loss Tootsie

Your Mum has changed/saved lives by donating, by now several families will have had that call they desperately wanted to say their lives are going to be saved or improved and its down to a wonderful person, your Mum.

Shes actually made a difference, changed lives for the better, how many people can say that?

Once again I am sorry for your loss Flowers

Tootsiepops · 23/04/2016 19:21

I hope people don't mind if I update this thread, but I think I need to just talk. Maybe I should ask to have this moved now.

My mum's funeral was last week. It was the hardest day of my life. I also lost my dad and my brother in the last few years (also prematurely and unexpectedly), so my grief is both new and refreshed. It barely felt like any time since we were at the cemetery burying my brother, and then I was back to bury my mum too. I'm not sure how I've had it in me to arrange three funerals in four years.

My five month old daughter is keeping me going. She still wakes up every day at 6am looking for milk regardless of anything else going on. So I've had to pick myself up and dust myself off pretty damn quickly. Up until last week, I was adamant that she would be an only child - we had two years of infertility and IVF to have her, then had a very grumpy colicky and refluxy baby who's only now really getting over the worst of it. But, without her uncle, grandad and now grandma, it feels more important that she have a sibling. Can I go through IVF again?

So, I'm packing up my Mum's house - the former family home - and it just hurts. Everything smells like her and everywhere I look there are memories...only now I have no one to say to 'remember that time when we...' because I'm the only one left. I'm 36 - how can I be the only one left?

I leave here in a few days to travel back down south where my husband, daughter and I live. My friend is moving in to my mum's house with her three year old daughter. I very much hope this will be a happy family home again.

My mum left us a little nest egg. I was shocked at the amount when we had to inform the bank of her death. I don't even want any of it. It can't bring my mum back. I'd swap all of it to have just five more minutes with her.

I know I'm going to be ok. Bitter experience has taught me that I will recover from this, but it's getting from here to that point that scares me.

OP posts:
DoodleCat · 23/04/2016 19:28

I don't know you and I don't post often but I wanted to say how wonderful you are. You are strong and will stay strong for your amazing child. She loves you, needs you and will be so proud of her Mum. Give her cuddles wherever you need to, whenever you're thinking of your family and just whenever the fancy takes you.
X

Glassofwineneeded · 23/04/2016 20:09

I've just cried through this whole thread which I missed the first time around. Thank you so much for up dating.
How lovely your friend is moving into your family home. She will have a happy life living there as I'm sure you did too.
I just wanted to wish you lots of luck and hugs for the future.
Give yourself time to grieve. Look after yourself.

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