Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To ask for a hand to hold

113 replies

Tootsiepops · 09/04/2016 20:13

...whilst my (legally dead) mum is in theatre donating her organs? I'm bereft. She went in for a somewhat routine operation on Wednesday, there were complications, and she's not coming home. She was declared brain dead last night. I am so lost. I didn't know the organ donation process was so lengthy. I really hope the recipients lead full and happy lives. I need something positive to cling to as right now I am struggling to get off the floor it hurts so completely.

Love you so much Mum x

OP posts:

TheEagle · 09/04/2016 20:50

Sending you condolences and a big hug as well. Your Mum has done a wonderful thing which will touch the lives of so many.

Wishing you strength in the days and weeks ahead

winewolfhowls · 09/04/2016 20:52

So sorry for your loss it must be such a shock.

CantChoose · 09/04/2016 20:52

So, so sorry for your loss.
And completely in awe of your bravery.
I've been there from the healthcare side and if it's any comfort your mum will be treated with the absolute highest level of respect and having met lots of patients pre- and post- donation there really is no greater gift.
Sending you all my thoughts and hugs xxx

glasgowlass · 09/04/2016 20:53

Oh Tootsie I am so sorry.
What a strong woman you are, I do hope you will take care of yourself & have some RL support.
What an amazing lady your DM is. Such a wonderful gift she is giving so many people who will be lost for words at her kindness. She is truly wonderful. I hope that it gives you some comfort that in this act, she is changing so many lives forever. What a brave family you are.

Footle · 09/04/2016 20:56

Another one here whose family has reason to be grateful to someone like your mother.

MrsK · 09/04/2016 20:57

I've never posted before, despite being a member for years. I just wanted to say I will hold your hand too. Your post about your Mums dressing gown made me cry, I kept my Mums dressing gown although her smell has gone now. Sending you a big hug & very sincere condolences x

ohtheholidays · 09/04/2016 20:58

I am so sorry my love,what you and your Mother are doing is such an amazing gift that your giving and I'm so sorry about your poor Mum.

My Mum became seriously ill really quickly and we lost her within a few days the shock and sense of loss were immense.It's coming upto 2 years for us now.

There's a hand to hold here when ever you need it .

TheGirlWhoWasntThere · 09/04/2016 20:58

Tootsie i am so so sorry for your loss.

inlectorecumbit · 09/04/2016 20:59

oH honey what a horrid time for you but what a remarkable thing your DM and you have done.
Have another hand to hold and be comforted that her passing will bring the gift of a better life to many.

PansOnFire · 09/04/2016 20:59

Tootsie I'm so so sorry for your loss, have a huge cuddle and know that so many people are thinking of you and your lovely mum right now.

Your mum is doing the most wonderful thing for so many people right now, she's giving others a chance of life and tonight they'll be told that their lives are not over - she's amazing. You're being so brave, being at the hospital doesn't matter right now, you're where you feel your mum is and she'll always be with you. Xxx

Creampastry · 09/04/2016 20:59

Hugs xx

Original poster

Tootsiepops · 09/04/2016 20:59

I don't feel very brave. I feel alone and scared and I don't know how I'm going to carry on without her. I thought we had decades left together. The baby had given her a new lease of life. I was already feeling guilty that the little one wouldn't know her grandad or her uncle, but I can't believe my daughter is going to grow up not knowing her lovely, amazing grandmother too. It's too much for me to bear.

OP posts:

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 09/04/2016 21:01

So sorry to hear this, a little bit of your mum will live on in others now. Big cuddle and hand squeeze

ScoutsMam · 09/04/2016 21:05

Brave is doing something when you're scared and it's hard and you do it anyway. You ARE so brave.

Lunar1 · 09/04/2016 21:06

I am so sorry for your loss, I know it won't feel it now but hopefully the donation will give you comfort in the future.

I lost my first husband in out mid 20's. A transplant gave us almost two extra precious years.

Ninjagogo · 09/04/2016 21:10

so sorry for your loss. What a selfless act. She will be remembered. We are here for you. Hopefully you will get RL hugs too.

GabiSolis · 09/04/2016 21:12

I am so very sorry for your loss. Will be thinking of you tonight.

chiefpastachef · 09/04/2016 21:13

So sorry to hear about your Mum. You are both doing something amazing, and I truly hope that this will bring you some comfort over the next few weeks. Your daughter can grow up with the knowledge that her grandmother was a very special person who gave a precious gift to others xxxx

SpinachJelly · 09/04/2016 21:13

You and your mum have done such a generous thing. Holding your hand and sending a massive hug x

StayAChild · 09/04/2016 21:22

Your lovely Mum will live on in others. How amazing is that? I can't begin to imagine how proud you must be of her.

tinyterrors · 09/04/2016 21:22

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there and know how hard it is. Your dd will know your mum through you, keep your mum's memory alive, along with those of your dad and brother, by telling your dd about them.

You'll be grieving for both the mum you've lost and the life she still should have had. Take each day one minute at a time and don't try to hold anything in.

You and your mum have done an amazing thing and saved four lives. Thank-you for having the courage to allow the donation to go ahead, it's an incredible gift.

Be kind to yourself and accept all help that's offered

HicDraconis · 09/04/2016 21:23

Handhold here too and huge thanks for considering organ donation at such a difficult time. You are giving a miracle change to so many other lives in the midst of the grief and turmoil of your own.

I have looked after donor patients and recipients and the difference made to so many lives from one person's decision is unbelievable. You should be allowed to know very roughly a bit about the people who have been matched - for example, in the last case I was involved with, we were told the liver was split and saved the lives of two children born with a rare but fatal liver disease, the kidneys helped a young mum and an older man - nothing more than age and gender but it allows you to see the sorts of lives which will be turned around. On a more personal note, DH is likely to need a kidney later in life so people like you and your mum help people like him.

My sons have grown up not knowing my mother too (she died before I met DH) but we still talk about her, show pictures, tell stories of what she was like as a mother and grandma to their cousins - and I have picked up on far more of her parenting than I thought I had, I hear her words and inflections coming out of my sons' mouths so often! She is a part of their lives through me and your mum will be a part of your DD's life through you.

getyourfingeroutyournose · 09/04/2016 21:26

My first bunch in honour of your Mum, Tootsiepops.

I hope you find your feet. Your mum is doing something amazing for other people right now and you can get through this knowing she has saved so many lives.
I'm here to hold your hand.

pictish · 09/04/2016 21:30

Oh OP I am so sorry. What a dreadful turn of events. You must felt so bereft.

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/04/2016 21:33

Another hand here. Your Mum's donations will affect so many: the recipients and circles and circles of friends and loved ones surrounding them.

As your daughter grows you will see your Mum's features emerge in her in many different ways, some subtle and ephemeral and some an absolute reflection of how she looked and who she was.

Her loving parenting will live on through you, and your daughter, and beyond. Love works like that.

So sorry for your loss

Flip

1 2 3 4 5