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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a hand to hold

113 replies

Tootsiepops · 09/04/2016 20:13

...whilst my (legally dead) mum is in theatre donating her organs? I'm bereft. She went in for a somewhat routine operation on Wednesday, there were complications, and she's not coming home. She was declared brain dead last night. I am so lost. I didn't know the organ donation process was so lengthy. I really hope the recipients lead full and happy lives. I need something positive to cling to as right now I am struggling to get off the floor it hurts so completely.

Love you so much Mum x

OP posts:

loosechange · 09/04/2016 20:26

Have a hand from me too. And whatever else you need. Amazing as the gift you are giving is, I can't imagine how you feel.

LumelaMme · 09/04/2016 20:28

Oh OP!
You and yours are doing a marvellous thing in donating those organs: you will change a lot of people's lives for the better.

NCToProtectTheInnocent1 · 09/04/2016 20:28

What an amazing woman, giving such precious gifts to people she doesn't know. I'm so sorry you're losing your mum. I can't imagine how you must feel.

TotalConfucius · 09/04/2016 20:28

Oh god, I am so sad for you and your mum.
This world is a big place, whilst you are there dealing with probably the darkest moments of your life, try to take some solace in that due to your family someone somewhere is receiving a phone call that will change their life infinitely for the better. Thank you to your Mum and you.
I wish you peace and love in the coming days as you deal with your loss.

Jemimapuddleduk · 09/04/2016 20:29

So sorry for the loss of your mum, your love shines through in your post. What a wonderful thing she is doing in donating her organs and giving life to others. Thinking of you.

Haudyerwheesht · 09/04/2016 20:30

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. My dad died on Thursday and it's horrible BUT he had several extra years due to a transplanted kidney. We will be forever grateful - he got to see 3 more grandchildren in those years and see the ones he had already grow up a bit. Nothing can take that away and we will always be so thankful. You're doing a wonderful thing.

Sandbrook · 09/04/2016 20:30

Another hand here.
I'm so sorry OP. What a massive shock. Is there anyone with you?

ChampagneTastes · 09/04/2016 20:31

So sorry for your loss. What an amazing legacy to leave. I hope the process is over soon so that you can go home and grieve.

MissBeaHaving · 09/04/2016 20:31

This is one of those moments where a thank you just isn't enough.
I feel the same as a PP I just wish I could give you hug,I hope you have someone with you.

Oncandystripedlegs · 09/04/2016 20:33

I am so sorry for your loss. My mum had a kidney transplant when I was a kid ,after years of dialysis. It changed all our lives. What you are doing is so strong and I really hope you will find comfort in it in the future

ImNotThatGirl · 09/04/2016 20:35

Offering a hand and . You're being completely selfless at a time when you every right to be thinking of yourself and your pain.

I am so sorry for your loss. Your mum's legacy will live on in the lives that hers will go on to save.

Sunnybitch · 09/04/2016 20:36

I'm so sorry for your loss tootsie

Would you like to share some stories about your mum with us

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 09/04/2016 20:38

There's not much to say that hasn't been said, but you're a brave soul, and a wonderfully caring and thoughtful one too.

Sending you the most healing of thoughts right now.

londonrach · 09/04/2016 20:39

Yes agree with sunny maybe tell us about your mum. Am hoping you have someone with you. You are not alone everyone posting on here is thinking and holding your hand xxx

Shockingundercrackers · 09/04/2016 20:39

I'll hold your hand OP, and I am so sorry for your loss.

What you are doing is so important, so brave that I'm in tears for you and for the families who's lives will be changed forever by your Mum's donation.

My BIL had a transplant three years ago almost to the day. It saved his life, but also it transformed the world of partner, his parents and his devoted brothers. He has a life now, a full and rich one. Before his transplant he had no quality of life and was staring death in the face every day. He was in his 30s.

Organ donation is hard but the life it brings, the joy, is literally immeasurable.

I'm so so sorry you're going through this, but i hope you can take comfort to know that the brave and selfless thing your mum has done will be the most incredible gift that can ever be given - to more people than you will ever know.

for you and your mum xxx

coconutpie · 09/04/2016 20:40

I am so sorry for your loss.

You are so so brave. Organ donation is such a priceless gift to those who need it. Your mum will save many people.

Holding your hand

8FencingWire · 09/04/2016 20:42

Tootsie, I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to your mum.
The transplant team is there for you with any questions you might have, you know that. And we are here to hold your hand.

Tell us more about your mum if you want.

Nimble2014 · 09/04/2016 20:44

My condolences Tootsie. It must be so very hard for you, but you are doing a truly wonderful thing by allowing your mother's organs to be transplanted. I only hope I would have the presence of mind to do the same in similar circumstances.
A friend's son was diagnosed with liver disease about 3 years ago. He was fortunately given a liver transplant and is now a lovely strapping 19 year old, with another lease on life thanks to someone like you.

Grilledaubergines · 09/04/2016 20:45

So very sorry for the loss of your mum. Cannot imagine how you're feeling. I'm really quite rubbish at knowing what to say in such an awful situation, other than your mum's gift to a stranger is something incredible and I hope it gives you a teeny bit of comfort.

Have you got someone in real life to help you?

Notsure1234 · 09/04/2016 20:45

madcapcat · 09/04/2016 20:46

Nothing to add except another hand. We are thinking of you here. Now is the hardest part for you hopefully in the years to come you will be able to take some comfort in knowing that your bravery in going with it has helped others.

Dawndonnaagain · 09/04/2016 20:47

Original poster

Tootsiepops · 09/04/2016 20:48

Thank you so much. It helps more than you know to hear about those who have benefitted from transplants. They have matched her kidneys, liver, pancreas and heart valves. I feel so bad that I am not at the hospital while she is in theatre but she is not there - it's just her body being kept alive by machines.

I have my husband and my daughter with me. My mum became a Gran in November and she was so thrilled. After a few shit years (I've already lost my dad and my brother), things were supposed to be better in future. We had so much planned. I'm sitting in her living room cuddling her dressing gown.

OP posts:

FinnMcCool · 09/04/2016 20:48

I'll hold your hand too. You are doing a wonderful thing by allowing the organs to be used. Other families lives will be completely transformed by your actions.

whattheseithakasmean · 09/04/2016 20:49

Please let me add my condolences and say that you and your mum are doing a wonderful wonderful thing and I greatly admire and respect you for thinking of others at this dreadful time. Be kind to yourself, take care xxx

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