To be mad at FIL for feeding my daughter meat?

[Fruitypebbles]

Hi, just joined the site to ask this.

We're vegans, and my daughter has been raised and weaned vegan. She's 5 and happily eats anything put in front of her. She's very healthy, not lacking in any vitamins or nutrients at all and is beautiful, happy and refuses to eat meat usually because she knows in child friendly terms why we are vegans.

Despite her health being perfectly fine (she rarely ever gets ill, let alone any deficiencies in iron and protein - there's plenty of protein in plants!) my FIL thinks we're evil. We've given him all the information, shown him exactly how much she gets in a normal day and he can see how healthy she is. He fed her a meat casserole, she obviously couldn't recognise the meat in the stew because we use meat subs occasionally. She was very, very sick after this as her body can't digest meat after never eating it. Why can't he just respect our choices to not eat animal products? AIBU?

He was a twat! Disrespectful, thoughtless and cruel. As are anyone who agrees with him.

I was raised on a very red meat heavy diet. I have eczema,asthma, allergies and long term stomach issues. When I gave up meat at 16 these all improved vastly within a year! Whenever I have unwittingly had red meat since I've been very ill with d&v. I have a teen daughter, ex was omnivore so to compromise she had veggie at home and meat if at his parents or eating out or on the rare occasions when he cooked. She doesn't like red meat and very rarely has it. My only concern is she doesn't really like iron rich vegetables so I make sure she has other iron rich foods and gets plenty of vit c to absorb it.

Another mum who was very critical of my daughter's diet, her daughter ended up with anaemia because she wasn't eating enough iron and very little vitamin c (they lived on processed foods mainly chicken and chips and no vegetables and very little fruit and cola to drink) - but according to her I was depriving MY child of a healthy diet

My gastroenterologist doesn't eat red meat and hasn't since the first studies showing how bad it is for you which was apparently back in the 80's. He thinks everyone should eat red meat no more than once a week! And thinks I should have been allowed to be veggie younger as I wished as I don't produce the enzymes for digesting it. He says he's seen this a lot over the years and was not surprised when it came to be known that red meat in particular is not good for you.

For those saying it wasn't the meat that made ops daughter sick DESPITE several of us on this thread having similar experiences!

www.divinecaroline.com/self/wellness/digestion-question-can-eating-meat-make-vegetarians-ill

Your FIL is an asshat. He knew your wishes and willfully disregarded them. I hope you can find a way to make your childcare arrangement with your MIL work but I don't know how that will be possible if you must depend also on a man you don't trust...( also wonder if he is a shithead to your MIL) People who behave like this don't do it in a vacuum.

My dad has pulled stunts like this with my vegetarian children. He is a nasty, controlling bully in other ways too

Your poor daughter, hippie she's feeling better now. What your FIL did was enormously stupid, but I think it could perhaps be a generational thing. My DH turned veggie in the new year and my mum just can't get her head round it. Keeps asking if he's taking supplements and every sniffle bout of deadly man-flu is taken as proof that his body is shutting down due to lack of bacon.

Also, at risk of derailing thread, how do you get enough calcium into DD? My DS(3) isn't vegan but refuses all dairy and I worry about his calcium intake.

YANBU !

As an aside (and apologies if I'm hijacking your thread OP) - I wonder if the vegan parents on this thread would consider starting a thread in the cooking section to share kid-friendly recipes...?

I am mostly vegie, but eat fish and so do my very young DCs. I'd love to broaden their horizons and rely less on fish, cheese etc for protein and would value the support of vegan parents.

I think I'd start by introducing one vegan day a week and take it from there. I know DH would be up for it too.

I genuinely believe, OP, that you're giving your daughter a gift of long term health by being vegan. And so much easier for her to grow up vegan (so it feels normal and un-weird) than to try make a swap later in life in our culture which is dominated by meat.

He's an arsehole. If your child had allergies, you'd have to restrict/control their diet on risk/short term health grounds rather than moral/long term health grounds. Presumably vegan parents have a good idea about how to eat an interesting/sociable vegan diet.

Yes to the suggestion of a thread of delicious family/child friendly recipes.

I just started a thread.

Vegan recipes - family and kid friendly
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/foodandd_recipes/2611054-vegan-recipes-family-and-kid-friendly

Please swing by! (Sorry OP for the brief sidetrack!)

I hope your DD is feeling better OP. Your FIL was wrong, whatever his motivation.

I was vegetarian for ~20yrs and my dad constantly offered me things like bacon sandwiches then pulled them away with a laugh because he'd 'forgotten'

I'd also be interested in the vegan mums' recipes if a thread was started, or links to decent websites, to help me cut down the meat etc in our diet.

Thanks cakey!

Zippy while I don't agree with raising a child as anything, and by that I mean feed them everything, veg, meat etc and not raising them any specific religion, letting them make up their own minds when they are old enough, it is hardly child abuse. A vegan diet isn't going to kill her and if she does one day decide she wants to try it she can wean onto it slowly. Its the ops choice what to feed her and I would be hopping mad over this as it shows blatant disrespect.

Yes please to the pineapple rum cake recipe, I do vegan cooking once a week & my vegan would be very happy with that! :)

I can see both sides re the school issue, I can see that some parents would not want to feed a vegan child at a playdate whereas they would feed an omnivorous child every time. Partly not wanting to get it wrong, partly not wanting/can't afford to buy special food as a one off (I have vegan sausages in my freezer at the moment that my DC won't touch because they don't like them) & yes maybe partly because they think its a faff or unnecessary. With an omnivirous child IME its the fishfinger/chicken nugget variety that they get as its easy & guaranteed that most kids will eat it & it will be familiar to them.

I've not had a child bring their own food to a party before but I'd imagine its what children who don't eat meat/dairy or perhaps have allergies do & it shouldn't be a problem. RE the sharing of stuff at school, I have 2 at primary & they both bring home stuff to eat that they have made in class & yes classmates hand out gelatin Haribo on every single birthday. Maybe keep some gelatin free Percy Pigs in your bag to substitute for those & provide something else at home in lieu of the Easter chocolate cakes & the 'diversity' cakes that they make for religious or cultural topics, e.g. Barfi

I'd be interested in your FIL's motives, what was he trying to achieve?

Ah just found the recipe, apologies & thanks ghosty :)

I'm a meat eater as is my entire family (generations of beef farmers) however your FIL was way out of line.

You are the parents and you've made a decision to be vegan and he should blinking well respect that. I'd be furious, he's a silly fool and it will probably affect his relationship with his granddaughter. Personally I'd leave it up to your partner to deal with him, his father his problem to sort out.

Haven't read whole thread but just came here to say what an arse.

I would say it's up to your daughter.

If she wants to eat meat, she should be able to.

heron, if she wants to drown kittens for fun, should she also be able to?

Fb Thriving Vegan Children group: www.facebook.com/groups/WhatVeganChildrenEat.Private/?fref=ts

Vegan Children page: www.facebook.com/VeganChildren/?fref=ts

I made vegan chocolate brownies yesterday and they were wank. Does anyone have any good recipes? My daughter has a milk allergy so vegan cake is all she can have.

We have an ongoing issue with my aunt over parenting decisions. Potty training, bedtime, she's ignored it all. There's no point in saying anything as it starts a row. I don't want to stop DD going, so I just have to put up with an overtired DD for the first week of term.

I'm a meat eating granny. If my dgc were being raised vegan I would absolutely support that as long as I knew their parents made sure dietary needs were made. .as I'm sure OP does. Fil is wrong. Completely wrong. I would be furious if I were OP.

MidnightVelvetthe5th
I can see that some parents would not want to feed a vegan child at a playdate whereas they would feed an omnivorous child every time. Partly not wanting to get it wrong, partly not wanting/can't afford to buy special food as a one off (I have vegan sausages in my freezer at the moment that my DC won't touch because they don't like them) & yes maybe partly because they think its a faff or unnecessary.

It really isn't hard. Most people can produce something for a vegan to eat from stuff they have lieing around - baked beans on toast; pasta with tomato sauce; baked potato; oven chips; fruit, vegetables etc. Yes, there is a small chance that some of those items might contain milk or egg, but most versions don't and since dairy and egg are allergens, they will appear in bold in the ingredients list.

Totally agree fascicle but I'm used to cooking for vegans & know what it & isn't acceptable . I'd imagine a few school parents wouldn't be arsed, especially if you have the lazy/ignorant/bigoted/too busy to check type :)

"What your FIL did was enormously stupid, but I think it could perhaps be a generational thing. My DH turned veggie in the new year and my mum just can't get her head round it. "

Because vegetarianism is such a modern idea?

Let's face it, they will want to if they gave any normal friends at school

Rubbish. I was a vegetarian kid in the 80s (much rarer than now) and I never ever wanted to eat meat. Not once in my life. Nor did any of my brothers or my vegetarian friends who have also been vegetarian since birth or childhood.
When you don't get given meat as a food source it never becomes an option. Like I said up thread you might as well offer me car tyres or mud as a piece of meat - I just couldn't/wouldn't eat any of them. They aren't food to me.