To be mad at FIL for feeding my daughter meat?

[Fruitypebbles]

Hi, just joined the site to ask this.

We're vegans, and my daughter has been raised and weaned vegan. She's 5 and happily eats anything put in front of her. She's very healthy, not lacking in any vitamins or nutrients at all and is beautiful, happy and refuses to eat meat usually because she knows in child friendly terms why we are vegans.

Despite her health being perfectly fine (she rarely ever gets ill, let alone any deficiencies in iron and protein - there's plenty of protein in plants!) my FIL thinks we're evil. We've given him all the information, shown him exactly how much she gets in a normal day and he can see how healthy she is. He fed her a meat casserole, she obviously couldn't recognise the meat in the stew because we use meat subs occasionally. She was very, very sick after this as her body can't digest meat after never eating it. Why can't he just respect our choices to not eat animal products? AIBU?

[watchingthedetectives]

madamdeathstare highly unlikely and at the risk of outing myself I do know a lot about this

[misscockerspaniel]

YANBU - I would be absolutely livid. I have been vegetarian for 30+ years and would be unable to digest meat, even if I wanted to eat it.

[Fruitypebbles]

I have no idea how to tag people on here sorry :D

I made meals and froze them in bulk and gave them a few to give to her if they don't feel like cooking a vegan meal. They also have vegetarian sausages and stuff in which can just be done with chips and veg, so it's not really difficult if they're doing a meal of...chips or potatoes and veg to just throw in the vegan stuff instead of the non vegan stuff. We provided all of this, we don't expect them to learn to cook vegan (even though it's much easier than people think!)

MIL wasn't in on it, it was just him in the house. She works strange hours and he's retired, it was a great arrangement for all of us and now I really need to rethink it if he won't respect our choices.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

Lakiey no 5 year old should ever be underfed, no 5 year old should should be beaten, no 5 year old should ever be emotionally abused.

A vegan 5 year old who is clearly loved, who has parents who care about her nutrition and wellbeing is really, really not up there on the list of parenting failures ffs.

Yanbu at all op, your FIL made his parenting decisions with his own dc, he doesn't get to do it again with yours.

[SeraOfeliaFalfurrias]

WatchingTheDetectives I've been vegetarian for over 20 years and on the few occasions when I've accidentally eaten meat that was well-disguised the first clue was that I was violently sick.

[Bogeyface]

Your best bet is to focus on how ill it made her. He doesnt, and wont, agree with your food choices so there is no point in going over that again. Focussing on how ill it made her and how upset she was is the best angle because if he is a decent human being, he will feel terrible that he caused that in an attempt to prove a point to you.

[EweAreHere]

Your FIL was completely out of line. Of course she was terribly ill; she can't easily digest meat if she doesn't eat it. He shouldn't be trusted with her again unless he apologizes and promises he understands and won't do it again. No snide comments will be acceptable either.

That being said, I think you are being unreasonable as well. You have taken away free choice from a child about how she wants to live her life. She can't digest meat. She may have chosen otherwise as an adult, but you've made it incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to make the choice to eat meat as an adult. It's easier to go vegan/vegetarian than go the other way.

I feel the same way about religion; children should be free to choose when they are older. You've taken this choice from her.

[Bogeyface]

My friend started having the odd bit of meat after being vege for 30 odd years. She was as sick as a dog each time, despite eating it out of choice and enjoying it. Her body simply couldnt deal with it.

[Fruitypebbles]

I fail to see how feeding her vegan is a bad thing. Meat isn't necessary at all for anything and has recently been found to be a carcinogen. She passes health checks with flying colours and we fed her vegan until she started asking about meat, at which point we explained to her why we don't eat meat and said why some people do in a way that was fairly neutral because the last thing we want to do is turn her against her friends who eat meat. If she's healthy, happy and loved, why is there a problem?

[BagpussOhSagpuss]

Lakiey, your views on the rights and wrongs of a vegan diet are irrelevant. The issue is the FIL feeding the child something her parents do not agree with.
Some parents forbid sweets, the FIL would be equally out of order if he had fed her these against her parents wishes.
OP, YADNBU and you need a firm word with the GP's.

[kittybiscuits]

Please don't make this about the rights and wrongs of veganism people. I would sever contact over this act of utter disrespect.

[Fruitypebbles]

Thank you guys. I'll definitely have a word.

[EweAreHere]

I actually know a woman who cried -cried!- as a grown up at University because she wanted to enjoy hamburgers with her friends, they smelled really good to her, but she couldn't because her parents were like you. She wasn't allowed to eat meat growing up. And her system couldn't tolerate the attempts as a young adult. I'm not sure she forgave them. She was very unhappy about it.

You've taken a major lifestyle choice from her. She may not thank you in future. She might, but you've taken the decision from her.

[SeraOfeliaFalfurrias]

Oh for goodness sake, EweAreHere, and what if the OP had fed her child meat, just to "give her a choice", while at the same time teaching her moral code of not eating meat? "We don't eat meat because xyz but you have to eat it just in case you want to later". WTF? The poor child would grow up very confused, and also likely very hurt and angry that she was fed meat and raised to believe it wrong at the same time.

Of course the child would be able to eat meat in the future, she would just need to start with small portions, and something less "reactive" like chicken. She wouldn't be unable to ever eat any meat ever, should she choose, it doesn't work like that.

[EweAreHere]

Oh, but again, I will repeat that Ido agree that your FIL was completely and utterly out of line. It's not his decision to make, either.

[GabiSolis]

EweAreHere that is silly. If the OP's DD wants to eat meat when she's older she can introduce it slowly to her diet. The OP hasn't taken any choice away from her DD, what a daft thing to say!

[EweAreHere]

sera, I have seen it work like that, actually. Something about missing enzymes in the digestive system... I don't know. Some can go back; some can't. Red meat seems to be the trickiest. My sister went back to include fish in her diet. She became a vegetarian as a young adult, but added fish back in a few years ago. So I guess she's a pectotarian now?

I have various friends who are vegetarians but their children are allowed to eat meat. The children know why their parents don't, and will make their own decisions in due time no doubt.

[Fruitypebbles]

Feeding her meat would be directly supporting an industry I and my boyfriend despise and find abhorrent and would make us a very hypocritical pair of vegans. She wasn't a planned child and I had no idea I was pregnant for a long time, we'd been using birth control so it's not a case of 'well don't have a child' either :/

[Tubbyinthehottub]

Ugh, I hate him for you.

A choice hasn't been taken away . If she decides she wants to eat meat when she's older she still can. It's not like she can never eat meat, she'd just have to do it gradually I imagine. And perhaps not start off with a beefy stew. Whatever diet you decide to feed your kids, it's still a choice. If you feed them meat you are choosing to feed them something they may later wish they'd never digested.

[watchingthedetectives]

Ewe you are right so you don't know about' missing enzymes in the digestive system' so best to keep your misinformation to yourself
The OP is definitely NBU but there is a lot of dietary nonsense being talked on this thread - time to go

[glintwithpersperation]

Lakiey - your thought are incredibly ignorant.

[glintwithpersperation]

Thoughts

[StormyBlue]

Hasn't red meat recently been put into the same category of carcinogen warning as smoking by the WHO? Giving people the choice to eat it or not when they're old enough to decide for themselves actually seems much more ethical to me.

[pointythings]

I think that's terrible, and I am neither vegan nor vegetarian. I have lots of vegan and vegetarian friends - if they are coming to dinner, that is what we all eat. And it is true that it is very easy to cook nutritious vegan meals.

Your FIL needs pulling up on this and really, I would not trust him again.