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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at FIL for feeding my daughter meat?

443 replies

Fruitypebbles · 09/04/2016 13:40

Hi, just joined the site to ask this.

We're vegans, and my daughter has been raised and weaned vegan. She's 5 and happily eats anything put in front of her. She's very healthy, not lacking in any vitamins or nutrients at all and is beautiful, happy and refuses to eat meat usually because she knows in child friendly terms why we are vegans.

Despite her health being perfectly fine (she rarely ever gets ill, let alone any deficiencies in iron and protein - there's plenty of protein in plants!) my FIL thinks we're evil. We've given him all the information, shown him exactly how much she gets in a normal day and he can see how healthy she is. He fed her a meat casserole, she obviously couldn't recognise the meat in the stew because we use meat subs occasionally. She was very, very sick after this as her body can't digest meat after never eating it. Why can't he just respect our choices to not eat animal products? AIBU?

OP posts:
LentilAsAnything · 09/04/2016 21:47

Wow! Where have all you vegans come from! So many of us now! Woo hoo!
I've been on here a long time and attitudes have really changed - for the better. Still a few ignoramuses though!

OP, we are vegan, and have a 5yo too. I'd be beyond livid if someone did this to my child. I would never ever trust that person ever again. Really sorry you experienced this. Your poor baby.

P.S. www.facebook.com/groups/270959229775655/?fref=nf - Vegan Parents group on Fb if you are on there, join!

Mermaid36 · 09/04/2016 22:00

elfy there is vegan cider and wine too Wine

I had no idea a couple of years ago that alcohol wouldn't be at least veggie...I was pretty shocked!

idontlikealdi · 09/04/2016 22:54

I haven't rtft but as a very confirmed omnivore I'd be livid on your behalf.

Bulletpr00f · 09/04/2016 23:04

He can ftfoatfosm.

I am a carnivore and would be fuming if I was you. Would he give a jew bacon?
He is so out of order.
I am embarrassed for our society that you needed to ask you were being unreasonable.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/04/2016 23:13

Yanbu.

what a really shitty thing to do. meat eater here but was vege for many years. I got sick of people thinking I was missing out somehow.

I bet your Dds dinners are far more nutritious than the default Macdonalds she's apparently going to wish she could have? Hmm

alot of meat eaters seem to think that the very presence of the meat cancels makes it a "proper meal" amd some how cancels out the processed crapness of a meal amd fail to believe a well thought out and nicely prepared/vegan meal can run rings nutritionally around some greasy burger.

whatever his opinion on being vegan, unless he had immediate concerns over her health he should have kept his nose out.

yku don't go feeding peope stuff they haven't eaten in hears if at all as that can cause some severe stomach upsets. amd for what? there's nothing wrong with what she's eating.

I'd be Angry

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/04/2016 23:27

There was a programme on a few years ago about the longest lived communities in the world. All bar 1 (an italian family who were big meat eaters, presumably it was something in the families DNA) were vegetarian or vegan.
It wasn't just that the people lived a long time it was the fact the very very elderly 100+ were still very healthy and were cleaning their houses and going to the gym.

LentilAsAnything · 09/04/2016 23:29

Recent programme on BBC1, still available to watch here: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0770cpf/episodes/player - results showed that to extend your life/feel young, you should follow a vegan diet. The information is out there - ignore at your peril.

cleaty · 09/04/2016 23:32

At least one of those communities has now shown to be fake. Old age is revered, so people pretend to be older than they really are. It was discovered when the same researchers went back and met the same people after a few years, and some were claiming to be for example 5 years older than they were last time.
We know that a lot of carnivores eat too much meat though.

Headofthehive55 · 09/04/2016 23:39

I didn't eat meat for many many years...didn't have any problem when I started eating it.

My DD was fed on a liquid diet for many years no problems when she finally ate solid food.

Headofthehive55 · 09/04/2016 23:41

I don't think he should go against your wishes though or more importantly, hers.

cleaty · 09/04/2016 23:42

It is not eating meat, the people who have had issues have been vegan all their life until they were adults.

honeyroar · 10/04/2016 00:06

If you introduce anything new into a diet you do it slowly and gradually to allow the stomach to produce the enzymes and "learn" to process it. That applies to grains as well as meat. You'd do exactly the same with a different feed for an animal too.

zippey · 10/04/2016 00:23

A few factors in play here. Firstly, it can be argued that the child being sick is the fault of the parents. Abstaining from meat has bad consequences on the child's body when they try meat. Let's face it, they will want to if they gave any normal friends at school.

I would also regard forcing a child to be vegan as child cruelty.

However, the gp should not have fed her meat without telling you.

At the end of the day it's not the end of the world though. She has eaten some meat, relax.

My advice would be to start feeding her meat. Start with chicken, you can get free range food which is both ethical and tasty.

bbpp · 10/04/2016 00:39

For what reason should she feed her child meat?

cleaty · 10/04/2016 00:42

Honeyroar - That may be the case for a vegan who has never eaten meat. It is not the same for any other food. I went from omnivore to vegan without any gradual change. I have also went on holiday in the past and had a very dramatic change of diet with no problems at all.

TaraCarter · 10/04/2016 00:46

Abstaining from meat has bad consequences on the child's body when they try meat. Let's face it, they will want to if they gave any normal friends at school.

Oh for pete's sake. It's 2016. There are loads of adults who grew up vegetarian or vegan and didn't want to try meat. Get some modern material. I had normal friends, veggie and non-veggie, my veggie friends had normal friends, and my kids have normal friends.

P.S. Do Hindus and Buddhists have to start feeding their kids chicken too?

bbpp · 10/04/2016 00:53

And child cruelty?

"I brought you up eating the flesh of dead animals before you could understand the ramifications of that, animal agriculture is rife with abuse, often even free-range, and is one of (if not the) biggest cause of global warming, as well as being directly linked through multiple studies to heart disease, cancer and diabetes. You're welcome."

"I fed you on a plant based diet, you might get belly ache if you eat meat in the future"

Neither is child cruelty (Hmm), but one is better.

cleaty · 10/04/2016 01:10

Vegetarians do not seem to have any physical issue with eating meat if they decide to. This is only about veganism. I have chosen to be a vegan, but it can be very restrictive when socialising. Less so perhaps if you live in London. But where I live I usually end up having to eat something extremely boring. Being a vegetarian though is nowadays no big deal and it is easy to eat out.

cleaty · 10/04/2016 01:14

Eating to much meat is a problem. There is no research to show that eating any meat is linked to ill health. As I said upthread, traditional Chinese diets which are high in vegetables and very low in meat, are extremely healthy.

Oliversmumsarmy · 10/04/2016 01:21

Both my children have predominantly meat eating friends and neither has been swayed to try meat.

Why would someone who is vegetarian or vegan want to try meat just because their friends eat it.

It is very depressing that people think that it is normal for all children to go with what ever their friends do and have no personality of their own.

bbpp · 10/04/2016 01:28

The reason it's healthy is that it's 'very low' in meat, it's not the presence of meat that makes it healthy, no?

A low meat diet is obviously a good choice, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to cut it out completely when you factor in the environmental and ethical issues and the fact that even while eating a 'very low' amount, you're getting an unnecessary amount of dietary cholesterol, saturated fats and animal protein, which in itself is bad for you.

I think claiming that is child cruelty is ridiculous.

It's definitely restrictive when it comes to eating out, I think vegan recipes for the home are great. The interest in veganism is rising though, so much so that Google put in an offer to purchase a meat-replacement company, so I imagine vegan options will become more commonplace and widely available in the next 10 years.

Original poster
Fruitypebbles · 10/04/2016 02:47

It isn't child cruelty. Red meat and processed meat are carcinogenic. I'm not introducing flesh into my child's diet. I'm not supporting that industry.

OP posts:
blankmind · 10/04/2016 03:09

Your FIL did it because in his stupid male egocentric brain he is convinced you're just being faddy and He Knows Best.
Stupid Old Twat.

Just the same as any amount of people you'll encounter at social events who will have the same opinion and 'don't believe' in vegan living being suitable for a child. Watch out for kids' parties especially if you're not staying with her, even if she takes her own food, there's always some smartarse who has the mindset of your FIL and will say 'But it's only ' or even worse 'I didn't know' whilst giving her things she shouldn't have.

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 10/04/2016 03:13

Your FIL is an ass, so disrespectful, and I'm sorry your dd was sick.

To anyone unsure about the health aspect of a vegan diet, I read The China Study a couple of weeks ago and the correlation between cancer, heart disease, diabetes and the consumption of animal protein is mind boggling. The attempts of the USA government to hush up the links are just as astounding. Everyone should read this book. I have spent the last week on a vegan diet to see how easy it was (I live in Texas, meat capital of Earth) and its been surprisingly easy. I feel great and will be carrying on with this lifestyle.

In the next few decades, people will put 2 and 2 together and realize the health benefits of a vegan diet.

Italiangreyhound · 10/04/2016 03:40

Don't trust grandpa to feed your dd again YANBU.