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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Biological fathers - Archbishop Welby

162 replies

mrsmuddlepies · 09/04/2016 06:07

Very brave of Justin Welby to go public with this story. I have always admired his compassion and humanity. However, it makes me wonder how common it is for fathers to unknowingly not be the biological parent of their child? There was a recent thread which suggested a surprisingly high percentage. I wonder how many other high profile and ordinary families have this kind of secret?

OP posts:
mudandmayhem01 · 09/04/2016 21:44

David Cameron's financial affairs are in the public interest because he speaks about austerity and us all being into together, whilst living of the profits of tax avoidance, MPs who promote "family values" but have a mistress, again public interest. The injunction couple less so, they haven't lectured the public on morality and fidelity. Welbys parentage I would say not in the public interest, unless he wants it to be.

OrlandaFuriosa · 09/04/2016 21:51

Lanaor, yes, may pm you,

I admire her, anyone, who gets herself off addiction, a s she has .

Though I don't go for the I found myself in Christ not genetics bit, I understand what he was saying about genes. And I admired the rest.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 09/04/2016 22:29

Oh Joffrey, next you'll be suggesting that it might be important to have mothers names on the marriage certificate.

fillingmakesmevom · 09/04/2016 22:54

I wonder what the stance would be if it were women who could have doubts about whether the child was there's.

squoosh · 09/04/2016 23:02

Well they don't* so it's a bit pointless to wonder isn't it?

*unless it's a case where babies are mixed up in the hospital.

HarlotBronte · 09/04/2016 23:02

Well for a start, DNA testing would still be pointless without a database containing samples from all of whichever sex wasn't giving birth. Which would only be possible with widespread coercion. I presume the compulsory testing advocates would still be ducking that issue regardless, though. And I doubt it would make them suddenly be willing to tell us what they'd cut to pay for it.

fillingmakesmevom · 09/04/2016 23:05

But Squoosh according to some posters DNA doesn't make someone a father and it's unimportant if the child you bring up thinking is yours isn't, so it shouldn't be the biggest deal if you take someone else's baby home as long as both are in happy living homes

squoosh · 09/04/2016 23:09

So you think all children should be automatically DNA tested at birth? How much do you thing this system would cost? What are your thoughts on the other scenarios put forward, children who are the product of abuse etc?

squoosh · 09/04/2016 23:10

And of course the assumption that the mother is lying until the test proves otherwise. Or are you going to quote Goebbels too?

RufusTheReindeer · 09/04/2016 23:13

Compulsary dna testing is a shit idea

Just thought i would put my tuppence worth in

RufusTheReindeer · 09/04/2016 23:15

Oh and should say i have nothing to hide but anyone coming towards me with a needle in their hands for this purpose will have a bit of a problem on their hands

fillingmakesmevom · 09/04/2016 23:24

I think it should be an option, perhaps with a nominal fee for those that want it, and it doesn't have to be in your face as soon as the baby is born whisked off to do a DNA test before anything else. And what about those that are products of abuse? Say it was a product of anonymous rape, there would be no people opting for it presumably but I'm not sure but it possibly could help the rapist get caught depending on the framework of the tests and the restrictions put on the collection and storage or the data,

Physical and emotional abuse rightly or wrongly (and IMO wrongly ) the people Are still the parents and have rights , that can be fought, this obviously doesn't include those in hiding but then contact doesn't necessarily have to be made.

I'm just saying you pointed out about a mix up at the hospital and as that's pretty much at the moment the closest you can get to an equivalency if you wouldn't be happy taking the wrong child home then it's very similar to a father not knowing paternity

squoosh · 09/04/2016 23:34

But I certainly wouldn't expect a DNA test to be carried out in order to ensure I'm not being sent home with someones else's baby.

fillingmakesmevom · 09/04/2016 23:38

But would you be happy raising someone else's baby, finding out it wasn't yours, knowing, someone hid the fact, or that there was a very real chance that it wasn't your baby, when the whole ordeal could have been stopped with a simple test?

squoosh · 09/04/2016 23:40

I would not support the introduction of your 'simple test' as for the reasons I've already outlined.

fillingmakesmevom · 09/04/2016 23:45

So you would be happy and it would be something you would just brush off ?

squoosh · 09/04/2016 23:47

Grow up and answer the questions I put to you.

Otherwise toddle off.

cleaty · 09/04/2016 23:48

I suspect this is far less common than it used to be. Both abortions and better birth control make it easier to control your own fertility.

squoosh · 09/04/2016 23:48

'How much do you thing this system would cost? What are your thoughts on the other scenarios put forward, children who are the product of abuse etc?'

Just to refresh your memory.

cleaty · 09/04/2016 23:50

Also, in the past when being an unmarried mother was a big deal, some fathers did know they were not the biological father, but it was kept secret.

fillingmakesmevom · 09/04/2016 23:57

Squoosh I did answer your questions , the only one I didn't answer is the cost purely because it's impossible to know but you couldn't base it on current prices as the price would be lower due to the scale it would very likely be able to be done on a very reduced price. you are the one evading, so in your own words perhaps off you should toddle...

cleaty · 09/04/2016 23:59

But you can already get a DNA test done if you are concerned.

squoosh · 10/04/2016 00:02

Say it was a product of anonymous rape, there would be no people opting for it presumably but I'm not sure but it possibly could help the rapist get caught depending on the framework of the tests and the restrictions put on the collection and storage or the data

When I said 'abuse' I thought it was pretty clear I meant abuse in the family.
Sorry you didn't pick up on this. What are your thoughts on the mandatory testing in that scenario?

squoosh · 10/04/2016 00:04

you are the one evading

What am I evading? I said I'd be anti mandatory testing in the scenario you put to me.

fillingmakesmevom · 10/04/2016 00:05

Physical and emotional abuse rightly or wrongly (and IMO wrongly ) the people Are still the parents and have rights , that can be fought, this obviously doesn't include those in hiding but then contact doesn't necessarily have to be made.

As stated just below

And just to add when I say contact doesn't necessarily have to be made I meant their are precautions that can be taken to protect the abused