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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did I overreact calling police? A bit upset

119 replies

alilupset · 07/04/2016 11:37

Name changed as I have told two friends in rl and I know they use mn so don't want previous threads to be identifiable.

This may be long but just to set the scene/give an idea of time

I was at home this morning in the kitchen (back of house) and heard a child screaming, the sort of scream that makes you think "oh that doesn't sound right", if you get me, heard the scream maybe 3 times when I went upstairs to front of the house to look out and across the road I saw a little girl alone, aged about 3, she was bent down and screaming hysterically. I have a dd about the same age so I waited a minute because I couldn't quite see around the corner to see if there was someone with her and maybe she was having a long tantrum been there myself and someone was watching her. After a minute I went outside and actually walked around the corner to check and definitely she was alone and still screaming so I went over and bent down talking to her, was she ok, where was mammy/daddy, poor thing was so upset she came into my arms just sobbing. I lifted her up and went to take her to my house to get my phone when a car sped around the corner, a woman jumped out and grabbed the child off me, she was shouting at the child and it was like I didn't exist, she wasn't going to say anything to me and all I don't think until I said "Is this child yours" and she said "Yes she is I was coming back for her", she got into the car, in the front, with the child on her lap, no seat belt and sped off so fast they didn't even have the car door closed and all the while I can hear the child screaming. So I called the police.

I'm very upset by it. I'm not an overly dramatic person, but I just felt so bad for the child. Now I'm here and one second thinking was I ott ringing the police? I have kids have had my fair share of tantrums and threatened to walk away loads of times but never actually done it so then I think I'm not being ott because who actually leaves their 3 year old on a street corner? I may have been wrong but I think the woman looked more like a grandmother than a mother, not that that makes a difference just in case it is relevant.

OP posts:

Abraid2 · 07/04/2016 14:23

You did the right thing. Imagine how you would have felt if something had happened to her.

Naughty1205 · 07/04/2016 14:29

Wannabe she is a shit parent to even risk leaving the child on a corner like that. Who does that? My heart breaks for this child. The child is 3 ffs. A child who is having tantrums needs their adult nearby. This is just awful to read. OP well done. Please do keep us updated if police call you.

Original poster

alilupset · 07/04/2016 14:29

AugustaFinkNottle dd1 was in school and dd2 was in creche, I was working from home in the kitchen, not sure why you ask that but both of my children were safe.

Justmeagain you are right, I did only have that woman's word. It's been going around in my head all day. You wouldn't find a wallet on the street and hand it over without checking ID and I did it with a child, it just all happened so quickly once she arrived, before I knew it they were gone.

A few questions, sorry I can't remember who asked specifically. I am in Ireland, I'm not sure what way it works here but the police definitely knew the address once I gave the registration number because she said "they aren't far from you", I didn't call 999 I called our local station as I thought it would be quicker, we are in a village outside the city so the local station is closest. I am more hopeful for an update for this reason too because it the local police would be quite active in the community.

OP posts:

MartinaJ · 07/04/2016 14:31

WannaBe, I wouldn't leave my child outside her eye contact at 3 years old, especially on a street. That's just completely mental. A car accident can happen in a second, you can't save your child if you are over the corner, even if you see it. You don't know how the child will react to not seeing you. It could run around without looking. If that was the case, the woman is a first class idiot and deserves to be asked by police about WTF was that.

WannaBe · 07/04/2016 14:35

She may have had a shit parenting moment. Would I have done it? No absolutely not. Would I have called the police? Yes quite possibly.

But I bet that most of us wouldn't want to have our worst ever parenting fail played out in public.

She may be a shit parent in which case the authorities will hopefully have a word. Or she may have lost it as a one off in which case she's had a wake up call.

WannaBe · 07/04/2016 14:38

Yes of course she was an idiot and needs a bloody talking to, I'm not disputing that. But people are making those judgements based on the fact that the child is now with her again and nothing happened to her. If the child had been run over the MN consensus would be that she'd made a mistake and paid the highest possible price for it and how dare people judge her...

YoJesse · 07/04/2016 14:57

Oh the poor kid. I think you definitely did the right thing. I don't think you can be too careful when it's a child.

I do kind of get What wannabe is saying though. We've all had parenting fails And lucky enough not to live them out in public. I can't imagine any situation where I'd leave my ds alone in public though!

MrsDeVere · 07/04/2016 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeaLeander · 07/04/2016 15:03

Poor kid. She must have a godforsaken life. Good for you for calling the police and getting the number plate.

Mia1415 · 07/04/2016 15:07

I think you did exactly the right thing. I hope you are OK OP (((hugs)))

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 07/04/2016 15:15

You know even if you're at the end of your tether with a child having a tantrum you may pull over and say "right we're not carrying on till you stop", you may threaten bed when you get home, etc. But to dump a kid by the side of the road is emotional abuse never mind the risk of her running her across the road and being run over. I wouldn't treat a dog like that never mind a kid.

cookiefiend · 07/04/2016 15:17

I do think people on MN are too fast to say "call the police" in response to various threads, but I tjjnk where a young child is involved you absolutely have to assume the worst. That child doesn't yet have to be In school etc so there may be no one seeing the child on a day tk day basis who can notice any problems. Not to mention they can't tell you properly what is wrong. You did absolutely they right thing. Yes we all lose the plot with our kids from time to time, but the parent is the adult and in this case has clearly taken this too far.

WannaBe · 07/04/2016 15:23

But nobody knows that she pulled over and dumped a child at the side of the road. Perhaps they were visiting and the child refused to get in the car prompting her to say "right, if you don't get in the car right now I'm going to go without you." and perhaps the child continued screaming at which point the mother got in the car and pretended to drive off out of sight. No-one is saying that it's the right thing to do, but it' simply not possible to claim that a child must have an awful life based on a 30 second snapshot.

Recently there was a case in the news where a child was left at a service station in France and the parents didn't even notice they didn't have her in the car for nearly three hours, and even then they only noticed when they heard a report on the radio. The MN consensus? "It could happen to any one of us, it's not for anyone to judge." .

Passmethecrisps · 07/04/2016 15:36

I absolutely hear what wannabe is saying. I also agree though that the op was right to call the police.

I woke in the middle of the night once hearing shouts and crying. Not that unusual where I lived at the time but there was something about it made me get up to take a look.

It was a man dragging a boy of about 10 down the street. The boy was screaming and crying and shouting for the man to get off him. The man was shouting lots of things which suggested they knew each other but then I heard him say "I'll fucking kill you"

There are all sorts of possibilities of what was actually happening but there was no way I wouldn't have called the police. In my case the police were in attendance which I was still on the phone as I could see them. No idea what the outcome was but I slept easier knowing that the police had attended.

Op I hope you get a wee bit of feedback later.

Penguinepenguins · 07/04/2016 15:53

I too hear what your saying wannabe but the question here was the OP being unreasonable for calling the police and the answer for me is No.

So people I think are saying what it could be and trying to let her know she 100% did the right thing as we don't know the circumstances.

I don't think you can take chances with small people and a 3 year old being on its own long enough for someone to hear it screaming, think about what to do, watch a while and the. attend to that child is a long time.

Passmethecrisps · 07/04/2016 15:55

You are right. I do 't think the two arguments are mutually exclusive.

Op wanted to know if she was being unreasonable in calling the police. Personally, I think she acted completely correctly.

Discussion about the fitness of the mother to parent is an aside really.

EveryoneElsie · 07/04/2016 15:55

Thank God you were there, she could have been run over or abducted.

redcaryellowcar · 07/04/2016 16:03

I think you were absolutely right to call the police.

99percentchocolate · 07/04/2016 16:34

Definitely did the right thing. Nobody in their right minds leaves a child on the side of the road, no matter how annoying they are being. If nothing else, the parents need help or guidance of some sort.

TyneTeas · 07/04/2016 16:42

Another vote for right thing based on what you saw.

A parent was taken to court a few years ago on Northumberland for driving off without kids

www.thejournal.co.uk/news/north-east-news/mother-left-children-4522467

PastaPrincess · 07/04/2016 16:44

You definitely did the right thing.

weaselwatcher · 07/04/2016 17:57

100% did the right thing. Poor little girl

MrsMainwaring · 07/04/2016 18:19

wannabe there is no point in speculating about what caused the situation . The OP acted on what she saw and did the right thing

eatyouwithaspoon · 07/04/2016 18:32

You did the absolute correct thing and the police will look into the mattrt and refer to social care if they feel its justified. I would have done the same.

Oooblimey · 07/04/2016 18:37

As a police officer myself I can absolutely assure you that in those circumstances you did the right thing contacting the police. Also in those circumstances you wouldn't have been fine dialling 999. Your actions will have at least put them on the system so that even if nothing serious happens today to the child, if someone else phones about something else another time relating to the child, alarm bells will start ringing as they will be already known. If all is well hopefully it was a one off, but you did the right thing.

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