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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset at daughters words

134 replies

SurroMummy13 · 07/04/2016 09:53

I have a hole load of shit going on atm, stressed about work, money and other things in my life.

Oh a daily basis my daughter is telling me she doesn't like me, I'm a horrible mummy. Yes she's 3 and I know I shouldn't let it get to me so if any of the nasty asses want to have a bitchy comment, piss off elsewhere. I'm upset at this.

She only stops when she knows she's 100% upset me. I'm the one who does a damn thing for her and I'm the only one who gets treated this way. Himself just says 'well she's at that age'

Sat in floods of tears because of the way she's been with me just in the last 2 hours.

OP posts:
totalrecall1 · 07/04/2016 16:45

Flowers op. My eldest as a 3 year old went through this stage too. Grew out of it very quickly though, but it is upsetting.

MunchieCrunchie · 07/04/2016 16:50

I haven't read the thread but I use a way of communicating when dc behaves in a negative way. I go to her and get down to her level. Look in her eyes (if she looks away, say look into my eyes) and tell her 'that was not a nice thing to do/say, that hurts mummy's/x's feelings when you do/say mean things. You wouldn't like if someone did that to you, so, you should not do that to others'. I keep a serious face, to show I'm hurt/sad. It may take a couple of goes, but at 3, they understand and are testing the boundaries and assert their independence.

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 07/04/2016 16:50

RudeElf, I'm not interested in your opinion.

If you think I speak to my daughter like that, you're mistaken, I don't even say bloody in front of her. Not that that's any of your business.

I needed support a that time, but you were just causing more grief. And still trying to now, 9 hours later. It's uncalled for really, but still, that's the way you wanna be, go for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 07/04/2016 16:53

Muddy walks are the best, though the amount of washing I have to do tomorrow had just gained 2 outfits each. ShockSmile.

Stresses? Aiming to loose weight before I start IVF, so probably at least 12months! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 07/04/2016 16:55

Munchie crunchie

That sounds good but atm we are watching hotel transalvania and your "look into my eyes" tickled me Grin X

OP posts:
RudeElf · 07/04/2016 17:14

I needed support a that time

Next time try asking without insulting and alienating the people you are asking for support and without the nasty name calling of children. People do that every day and they get the support. Your aggression and manner was nasty and uncalled for, especially when as you say you were looking for support.

NeedACleverNN · 07/04/2016 17:14

I once called my son a knob on here.

Would never call him it to his face and even if I did he has just turned 13 months so wouldn't have understood me anyway but the uproar I got from people, you would have thought I had stripped him baked and whipped him down the street

ghostyslovesheep · 07/04/2016 17:21

AIBU isn't here for people to cause a ruck to relieve their tension or make them feel better

People did try and help - you where not very nice in response - blaming RudeElf for it all is unfair

I'm glad you are feeling better OP but next time you need support maybe don't lay into the people you are asking?

Jw35 · 07/04/2016 17:28

I once called my son a knob on here.

Charming! Hmm

NeedACleverNN · 07/04/2016 17:31

See there you go!

Point proven

At the time was frustrated, at the end of my tether and trying to deal with a baby who wouldn't stop crying and was being clingy. I was venting on here in private. I think the exact phrase ds is behaving like a knob not ds IS a knob.

Parents can call their children rude things if they want. In private. As long as you are not screaming at your kid stop being a little shit, what's wrong with saying it on an adult forum?

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 07/04/2016 17:37

Look, my daughter has called me a 'poopy head stinky face' before now! And even though I cried laughing, I'm pretty sure in an adult translator it meant 'oi you shit head, sod off'. So yeah.

Read my last posts. I've apologised for most of my comments. I guess I'm the only one in the world who's lashed out whilst angry eh? *rolls eyes.

OP posts:
Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 07/04/2016 17:40

I know... Exactly.

No matter what you do or say, you'll get slated. A forum like this just gives everyone a hidden voice to slag people off while proclaiming they have it all together, have never lost their rag, or said a naughty word in front of their child.

OP posts:
RudeElf · 07/04/2016 17:40

No you arent the only one. Parents around the world do it every single day. I'm just not sure why i'm getting such a hard time for calling you on it when it was happening. Confused

Twinklestein · 07/04/2016 17:41

Honestly OP, I think she's getting her behaviour from you, you clearly have a short fuse. Rather than getting upset about her behaviour, I think you need to look at your own.

You've attacked a lot of people on here who weren't having a go at you - they were giving you supportive advice - are you this paranoid in real life? Are you taking things your daughter is saying in a similarly paranoid way?

At the very least I suspect she's picking up on your stress and unhappiness, and saying that she doesn't like you is her way of saying she finds it hard to cope with it.

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 07/04/2016 17:42

Because it was over 9 hours ago and you're still at it. Maybe back off a bit?

OP posts:
SatsukiKusakabe · 07/04/2016 17:43

When my dc says they don't like me I say that's a shame, I love you anyway and give them a hug, or go about my business as usual.

Sometimes what they are actually trying to get from you is entirely opposite to what they seem to be trying to provoke.

In much the same way as you have lashed out on here, calling her names and sounding aggressive, when what you really want is support and a better relationship with her, I would bet your dd is fixed in exactly the same predicament, only she's got no perspective to understand you won't respond how she wants you to.

Good luck Flowers

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 07/04/2016 17:43

my only just 7yo is being a little horror today.. i think we're at that stage in the holidays.

she took something out of the kitchen cupboard she'd been told she couldn't have, did it right in front of me, tried to hide it, then defied me when i told her to put it back by eating it. Then when i sent her to her room, trashed it, then told me it was my fault she trashed her room because i was being mean by telling her off... Hmm i was then even more mean and made her tidy up her bedroom.

and breathe!

Kikibanana86 · 07/04/2016 17:44

I've got 5 and they've all gone through a stage of saying stuff like that around that age.

Just ignore it, they stop doing it quicker.

You sound really stressed out.

RudeElf · 07/04/2016 17:53

Because it was over 9 hours ago and you're still at it. Maybe back off a bit

No, it was 16:27 when you posted accusing me of stirring and i have a right to respond and defend myself. I wasnt keeping anything going until you brought me back into it.

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 07/04/2016 18:31

I was really stressed out to be honest.

Been for a long walk and shattered her all out :) she's actually gone to bed now. She was falling asleep eating her tea HaloStar

OP posts:
nanetterose · 07/04/2016 18:35

You are quite oblivious aren't you op
Spitting out venom, then choosing to be a little charming. (LOL Confused)
Did you even need help this morning?

Original poster
SurroMummy13 · 07/04/2016 18:40

Oh my goodness. Really?

OP posts:
trulybadlydeeply · 07/04/2016 18:48

Glad you had a lovely, muddy day Smile

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief · 07/04/2016 18:56

I'm glad you had a good day too. I always think getting out somewhere green really helps.
The ahaparenting helped me out loads with how to deal with parenting challenges.
www.ahaparenting.com/

SuckingEggs · 07/04/2016 19:20

Wooden, I agree. Brilliant non judgy stuff on there. Love it.

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