To be gutted we can't accept the house

[Ange246]

Not sure if it's really an Aibu but anyway I'd just like somebody else's opinions on the matter. I'm married with three kids, the youngest we suspect has additional needs and is currently undergoing assessment. We currently live in a private rented house but have stayed on the council list and have been bidding for properties for the last couple of years in the hope of getting somewhere in the area we live now. The main reason for wanting to get a house with the council is that our youngest is continually causing damage to our house and we are worried that if the landlord sees it he will want us out. We repair things as and when we can afford it but i constantly feel on edge with it not being our own home. Our landlord also won't agree to us having door locks fitted which we do need as our son escapes and runs off so I'm on pins.

So we continued to bid but unfortunately the area we live now is very popular so we've not been offered anywhere. Talking to my dh we decided that maybe we should try bidding in other areas close by just to see if we get anywhere more than anything, as we no that if we are offered somewhere and then change our minds it won't go against us. So we thought we'd try and well we've been offered somewhere. It's a three bed house around three miles from were we live now and it's seems a nice house and the area is ok.

I got rather excited until I remembered one little detail. We apply for secondary school for our daughter thisbSeptember and as it stands she has got two good choices of schools were she could get into either. You see her older brother is at a secondary school a two minute walk away from here but my dd wants to go to the high school her primary feeds into and I'm afraid if we move to the house we've been offered she won't stand a chance of getting into her first choice high school or her brother's school which will be her second choice.

Sorry if I'm being confusing. Basically my older two kids went to our local primary school a two minute walk away from our house. Due to my Dd being bullied I decided to pull her out a couple of years ago and she started at another school around a five minute drive away, her brother was in year 6 and leaving for high school himself that year so it worked out great. The other local schools (within a couple of minutes walk) didn't have a place for my dd so we got her into another school in the next town were she's settled lovely and is happy.

Now the school she goes to is the unofficial feeder school to a brilliant Catholic secondary school and she wants to go there if possible. 90% of her classmates should move to the school and despite living further away than some of her friends she still stands a good chance as she's baptised and we live within one of the four named parishes. Well the problem is if we move we'll no longer live within one of the parishes and my dd will then stand no chance of getting a place.

Another issue is that if we move my dd will also be less of a priority for her brother's secondary school (our 2nd choice). You see my son's school prioritise children who attend the three names feeder primary schools (one of which I pulled my daughter out of) first, then siblings and then all other children. So as she doesn't go to one of the feeder schools anymore she'll only get a place as her brother already attends and from what I heard last year some brothers and sisters didn't get a place as they lived too far away.

So I'm in a pickle really. If we stay were we are my dd will have more a less an equal chance for both schools but if we move she'll stand zero chance of getting a place at the first school and it'll be touch and go for the second school. It's such as shame as if we had have been offered this house further on in the year say after I'd applied for school in October then I wouldn't think twice of accepting the house but now as it stands there's no way we can accept. AIBU for moaning? As i'm genuinely disappointed. But my dd comes first and I can't jeopardise her chances of getting into a local good school can I.

Yeah that's what worries me. Knowing me I wouldn't be able to make it work, I have no luck lol. If we move I only want to move once really. My Ds hates change and if we moved house and then moved again in am short succession then he'd be all over the place.

have you looked up admissions criteria for SEN? As I said, it makes a HUGE difference, and if your child is registered as having SEN, then catchment area is irrelevent if its the most appropriate school for them.

Hi yeah it's my five year old Ds who has additional needs and he's already got his school place. It's my Dd who's starting secondary next year and she's got no Sen.

Take the house.

I was on the council list for 9 years. Bidding regularly and was number 2 or 3 on several properties. Then the council changed the criteria and because I was adequately housed (ie in private rented) I would no longer qualify. The new rules came in January. I bid for a property 8 miles away when DD was a couple of months off her sats in year 6. We were offered and I accepted.

Although your dds education is important so is the security for the rest of you. At any point your ll could issue 2 months notice and you would have to leave and could end up anywhere.

Take the property and worry about school later.

If you've been offered the house, you must have worked your way quite high up the list, no? Does your bidding website (is yours called Homechoice? Ours is, and | know a lot of others are) tell you how many people are in front of you in the "queue" when you look at a property? Unless you've had a stroke of luck, I'd say that if you've "won" one property, your chances of "winning" another are quite high.

But then, as frouby has pointed out, rules can change.

By the way, regarding secondary schools: I went up to secondary school with a big chunk of girls from my primary school/ guides. On the first day they sat us all in the canteen and divvied us all up into 6 classes (big school!), based on the 2nd language we'd chosen. Me and everybody I knew had gone for German. I sat and watched as everybody else I knew got siphoned off into the German classes. Me, they sent to the Spanish class. With nobody else I knew . You never can tell...

Thinking g about this I would definitely take the house it's security for your family I wouldn't get into anything like claiming to be a single parent etc because if it all went wrong you would be in a big mess our private rented was in a bit of a state too we had to replace doors ,carpets unblock a sink the damage a small child with autism can do is unbelievable but it's so much better in council he seems less destructive now anyway but if he does do something the council are fully aware he's disabled and make allowances .

Btw are you claiming everything you might be entitled to DLA for your son carers allowance for you?

I wonder if the easiest problem to "solve" is the one about transporting your dd if she did switch back to her previous primary school this year?

Now that the boy who bullied her there is gone. And then she'd be in the feeder school and sorted to go to the same secondary as her brother if I understand correctly.

The logistics of the school runs don't sound easy but there would be possibilities of childminder/friends parents/school bus? etc? It just seems a damn shame if the school run is the stumbling block that prevents you from getting her into the school her brother is in AND having the house.

I really wouldn't risk losing the house whether or not she switches back to the feeder school though. Getting a secure tenancy would make such a difference to all of you. Getting the right school is important but not as important as doing everything possible to reduce the stress on your family atm and reduce the impact of the asd behaviour on all of you. Ultimately that has far-reaching consequences to the quality of life of all of you. More so, I think, than which school your daughter goes to at first.

The housing situation looks set to get far worse shortly with the threatened closure of lots of supported housing/hostels because of the LHA cap. This would mean many emergency claimants above your band on the list and the chances of securing a secure tenancy becoming less and less. I would also think about how the repair bill count mount further if more damage is done. And that if you did get evicted it would be horrific for all of you. In the nicest way possible, I think there are more urgent and even more important housing issues here than which school your daughter goes to.

I'm sorry, it shouldn't be so hard.

I'd take the house. Council houses are so hard to get. What would happen if your LL did find out about the damage and give you notice? You may be up shit creek anyway and have to take something further away/more unsuitable. This move will give you security and stability.

I'm gobsmacked that you have to be within a certain parish for the Catholic criteria. My DCs go to a Catholic school and you don't have to live anywhere near it or the church, same with the secondary Catholic schools, although there is only 1 boys and 1 girls so no choice at all for Catholics. Why don't you phone the secondary school and explain it to them and see what they say? Are they generally oversubscribed? And just because your DS's school had siblings that didn't get in last year, it doesn't mean it will be the same this year. Last year could have been a 'baby boom' for where you live. I know the year my DS was born there was a bit of a baby boom in my city so we will be fighting for the good secondary school places.

Take the house.

When is your next property inspection? I'm guessing landlord could/might give notice when they see the damage? How much notice? A month? And no reference? You could end up in a b&b while waiting for another council house.

Take the house. No question.

I would also take the house, it is secure if nothing else. If your son has special needs, that security of tenure will be invaluable. Also remember, there is nothing to stop your landlord ending your tenancy at any time. Nothing to do with the damage to the property, he might just want his house back. It happens a lot. Unless all of the schools in the new area are total crap, your daughter will be fine in another school.

Just to add (as you can't edit posts on here!), you say that your daughter comes first. I'm sure you didn't quite it mean it that way, but if you did I would have to say that you need to do what is best for the whole family in the long run, not what appears to work best for one child.

I'd take the house.

I managed to get a 2 bed house from Housing Assoc last year, I bid last May, was allocated the house in June and it was ready for us to move in in August... one of the rules the HA made clear was that I had to move in as soon as I got the keys.

Don't know if all councils/HA's have the same rules but I wanted to decorate DD's room before moving in (got the keys on a Mon, wanted to decorate all week and move in on Fri) I checked with a friend that works in Housing Benefit department at local council at the time and she said it's very unlikely someone would come out to check but at least put a kettle in kitchen etc so if anyone looked through window it'd look as thought I was living there. I'm not sure if you'd get away with keeping two addresses going for an extended period and like someone else said it wouldn't be worth the risk of losing one or both houses if caught.

If the first choice school is Catholic, would it be worth speaking to your priest and asking his advice? I know you'd no longer live in one of the 3 catchment parishes but he may be able to help, particularly if you're a regular attendee at mass?

How long have you been bidding on the new area?

If not long could it just be an easier area to get into? Maybe another would come up after your daughter has started secondary?

I would take the house.

Grace the housing dept where I live comes for a "settling in" visit about two weeks after you get housed. It's supposed to be to check all's well for you but in reality it's to make sure you're living in it.

OP...I would be very tempted to move most of my stuff in and stay where you are for as long as possible.

While I don't normally like the idea of labelling children, if your ds gets any diagnosis or support due to having any disability or learning difficulties you will have more of a chance of getting kids into the schools you want. You will need to give a good reason/put up a good argument for why that particular school meets their needs. For example, looking after ds takes up a lot of time and places quite a lot of extra strain on the family, dd therefore needs the continued support of her friendship group from church....you can also say how difficult the logistics of the school run are going to be if you don't get the choices your children need, because of having to take care of your ds etc May be worth contacting a group like 'Supportive Parents', or whatever they are called in your area, who offer free, confidential and really helpful advice about education issues to families in your situation - they are just other parents who know the system and not official employees. They can tell you how oversubscribed any of your preferred schools are, how to manage the admissions criteria etc and it may help in your decision. XXX

Take the house. If you are feeling anxious about the security of your current tenancy your children will pick up on that too. When I was a teenager I didn't know from one week to the next if our home would still be our home. Even now, many years later, I can still remember how awful that felt.
Take the house and give everyone security. The children will benefit from that. What happens at school is less important and with supportive parents (supportive of education) you children will have what they need.
Choose the home. Good luck.

This was actually the first bid we'd made in that particular area and we won it so it does seem, especially after what the lady at the council said, we'd get another property in that area quite quickly. Me and my dh still haven't found the time to discuss it properly as our kids are on half term and he's on his afternoon shift and doesn't get home until 11pm. So we are going to make time at the weekend to discuss it properly.

Just a couple of points: When my friend's son needed an assessment the local council kept delaying it and in the end I found her a solicitor who pointed out to the Council that they had a duty to undertake and complete the assessment within six weeks. We had no idea about this. I don't know if it is the same for all councils but I would think it is. If they are dragging their feet, you could always phone and say, "I understand you have a statutory duty to undertake this assessment in six weeks," and see what they say.

When they had completed the assessment it was agreed - again prompted by the solicitor writing to the council - that the fourth floor council flat where they were living was not suitable for their son and she was offered a three bedroom house instead.

It was amazing how quickly the Council jumped when a solicitor became involved. If you can show that your son's needs mean you are a priority case you may find the Council helps you to find somewhere in your current area.

It's definitely worth a try. Like I said we already spoke to the council to have our banding reconsidered and they didn't seem to think we warranted it. They did say we could go into band B as none urgent medical priority but like I said they told us that would mean we'd no longer be able to bid for 3 bed houses and we'd have to bid for a 4 bed and there hardly any in our area.

Forgot to say in my earlier post that our housing officer said that after a years tenancy we can apply for a transfer if we want back to the village where we used to live. This is also something to think about (and possibly find out about before you make your decision) because then you would be in the system and that could be the first step for you. Getting a house to begin with is the hardest thing (I know the Council said that you might get offered one again but there is no guarantee - you could be waiting weeks or years - and there is no telling how long or short your wait might be). There is Homeswapper too (but I've heard it's rubbish and doesn't work half the time). Just another angle to consider. Good luck with your decision (and I would go to visit the house if I were you before you give your answer to the Council!).

Thanks. Yeah we are going to view it but it's currently having a new bathroom and kitchen fitted so we can't view it for a few weeks yet.

This is the info I got from my LA's admissions website. So the way I read it is that they go off the address used at the time of applying and so if I moved (after the closing date) it wouldn't make a difference, and they'd still use my old address. This obviously doesnt help now as I can't delay moving into the council property until October but it's useful to know if we decide not to take the house now and later go to bid for another.