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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If I am being UR, then I give up

37 replies

Shannith · 03/04/2016 16:02

DP is chainsawing trees at the end of our lane. So it's dangerous and he can't hear anything. He left all the house doors and gates open. My DD, aged 4 made a run for it to find Daddy and ran down the road, which though quiet still has cars on it.

I sprinted after her and shouted at her to stop. Apparently I am in the wrong.

I just can't compute this and am seething.

I am no helicopter parent, but I don't put my child in danger. She is 4, not 14.

If she got hit by a car that would be worse than being told off.

OP posts:

Vintage45 · 03/04/2016 16:07

Whys he doing that then? This is bizarre. Is he in a temper about trees?

mummydarkling · 03/04/2016 16:07

YANBU you poss will never be thanked for preventing a potential disaster that the other party does not appreciate........yes much better to be told off than the alternative.

Original poster

Shannith · 03/04/2016 16:16

To be fair, we do own the trees. And I did buy him the chainsaw for Christmas.

Lesson learned.

What I am annoyed about is that he left all the doors and gates open so she could get out and then told me off for shouting "stop" as she headed towards him.

I always shut the doors and gates. It's not a private drive, it's a road.

He can chainsaw away to his hearts content, but you make sure the house and garden are secure.

He does this all the time. She is 4 FFS and can't roam free. Even as I typed this 3 cars went past. If I had not stopped her she could be anywhere.

Can you tell I am a bit annoyed?

OP posts:

BeaufortBelle · 03/04/2016 16:16

You were in the house? If all the doors and gates connected to mine were open I'd notice, especially if I was supervising a four year old.

You were both in the wrong, you were doing the childcare and should have been supervising.

LivingInMidnight · 03/04/2016 16:20

yes Belle being omnipresent and everything.

YANBU

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/04/2016 16:23

I'm with Belle. He was off chainsawing, therefore although yes he should have shut the door and garden gate, your job was child supervising surely.

Original poster

Shannith · 03/04/2016 16:24

Yes, you are probably right, except I was upstairs cleaning and they were in the garden playing.

First I realised is when I heard the chainsaw and looked out the window. They were planting seeds before that.

We just have a different level of risk assessment I suppose.

I am having a rant here so I can have a calm discussion later, rather than getting angry. And that we can agree that if you are going off to chop down trees, you let me know that I am in charge of DD.

OP posts:

Throwingshadeagain · 03/04/2016 16:26

I do kind of think it was up to you to keep an eye on her as the parent with her in the house, but I agree it would be easier if he would shut the door and gate and infuriating that he doesn't as a matter of course. Did you not check he'd shut them both since he had form for this?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/04/2016 16:26

That's different then, if he was supervising/playing with her then just left her without telling you. He shouldn't have.

Vintage45 · 03/04/2016 16:27

Ok, so they're your tress. Not such a bizarre post then Of course he should have closed the door and gate. Supervising a child at home doesn't mean you have to watch their every move. Bet you're heart was in your mouth OP and like you, I'd be livid. Stupid man.

Throwingshadeagain · 03/04/2016 16:27

Oh I see well obviously he should have made sure you knew he was going to chainsaw the trees and that she was still in the garden! Then you could have made sure she was with you or the gate shut. He's in the wrong then.

Vintage45 · 03/04/2016 16:27

trees even!

AugustaFinkNottle · 03/04/2016 16:29

Why does he think it was wrong to shout at her to stop? Could he guarantee that there was no possibility of a car coming along?

Original poster

Shannith · 03/04/2016 16:33

Yes, we tag team and if one of us is going to not be supervising, we tell each other. Or at least I do.

All it would have taken was, "I am off to chainsaw things, can you keep an eye on her."

What made my blood run cold was seeing my DD running down a road to someone wearing ear defenders chain sawing trees.

Anyway, I have calmed down now.

Thanks, I guess I am a mixture of reasonable and a bit unreasonable.

And this is why I love mumsnet :)

OP posts:

BennyTheBall · 03/04/2016 16:33

Of course he is in the wrong.

He's deflecting because he feels guilty?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 03/04/2016 16:34

If we're risk assessing the situation, is your dh capable with a chainsaw? Is he wearing any protective gear?
This sounds like an opening scene from Casualty

Chchchchange · 03/04/2016 16:36

Yes, he's in the wrong and I would be fuming. Chainsaws are hideously dangerous, never mind the road, so I wouldn't have wanted her anywhere near him. At least he could have asked you to keep an eye on her.

I'm glad she's ok. Better she got yelled at and is safe than the alternative.

chillycurtains · 03/04/2016 16:38

YANBU. I very nearly got a chainsaw in the head - yep, the head - by a man who was happily chainsawing away with ear deafeners on and could not hear me at all. I thought he had seen me but could not touch him or stop him as he was up a ladder with a running chainsaw and I didn't want him to fall. I had to go behind him and he saw me at the last second and nearly dropped his running chainsaw on me. He was as unable to hear me and I was unable to indicate my presence to him. And that was as an adult, a child would not even approach safely. Both your DD and your DP could have been badly hurt if she had startled him. You were doing the right thing end of. Just ignore your DP.

EBearhug · 03/04/2016 16:39

I don't think you're unreasonable. Why did he think it was wrong to shout stop? Accidents happen very quickly, and 4yos are rubbish at risk assessment. It's why adults have to do things to prevent them from doing something dangerous - like shutting gates.

SummerHouse · 03/04/2016 16:40

I think you frightened him. And his chimp came out. If someone shouted stop and I was chainsawing I would be frightened. But YANBU. He is just reacting on instinct. I recommend a bottle of wine and a nice meal for tonight.

Bogeyface · 03/04/2016 16:41

So....

He leaves without letting you know and leaves DD unsupervised
He doesnt make sure that the area she is in is secure
He is using loud equipment and wearing ear defenders so he wouldnt be able to hear her
You live on a through road with traffic

And he is pissed off with you?! YANBU in anyway.

Ime when someone kicks off like that, its because they know that they are in the wrong and are using offence as a form of defence.

WellErrr · 03/04/2016 16:42

YANBU in the slightest.

Original poster

Shannith · 03/04/2016 16:46

I had thought we had agreed that we would never use it around anyone, let alone our DD.

They are dangerous. He has all the right protective gear. My 4Yold does not.

He thinks I am a wuss because I won't let her stand on the ladder while he trims hedges with the strimmer and that I don't think it's funny when she is sitting on the edge of the loft entrance.

Blimey, I was a bit of a fearless child. Maybe have just got more cautious with age.

And, you know, because I prefer my DD alive,

OP posts:

DoreenLethal · 03/04/2016 16:47

You are not in the slightest unreasonable.

What did he expect you to do, just leave her? Whisper 'stop'? Shout 'Run into the road darling and get killed'?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 03/04/2016 16:48

Chillycurtains Most sensible chainsaws have a safety cut out cord attatched to a belt so they cut out if dropped .
Would still hurt if it fell on your head.

I agree with Summer My DH reacts all defensively if I pull him up on something he has done wrong but will later admit I'm right. It's like his initial knee jerk reaction.

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