To go to this girls house..

[Worriedgirl888]

(Please please no really nasty comments I feel awful about this). And tell her or her mum that her boyfriend is cheating on her with me? It would most likely be her mum as she always round his house if she isn't at work. Before I get hugely judged he was with me first for 3 years and had an affair behind my back with her, I forgave him but he eventually left me for her. But I am still hugely pathetically in love with him, and have continued to see him for the last six months most weeks. I did text her and tell her but she blocked my number and he admitted he had told her I was lying. It is killing me inside I want to stop seeing him but I can't as I love him too much. And tbh no I can't bear to see them happy when they both cheated behind my back. So I want her to know the truth once and for all, and prove it by showing her the texts etc. Is this really a hugely crazy thing to do? I know everyone will say just stop seeing him but honestly I have tried, this seems the only way to end it forever as even if she forgives him (which I think she will probably) he will never dare see me again. I'm 31 btw not a teenager and I know this sounds pathetic and awful. I do also feel sorry for her as I think she is as naive and silly about him as me...

Not one person is going to say 'go ahead, sounds like a plan'

You say you 'can't' let him go, but he's already gone hasn't he? For god sake, do yourself a favour and let him stay gone!

So this guy cheated on you with her, then cheated on her with you? I bet she thinks she is the winner, the chosen one, the cat with the cream, because she ended up with him, poor cow.

Ok so you got your own back, you shagged him behind her back and she has to deal with his shit full time. Now slink away, don't say anything, stop seeing him and find yourself a decent man op, you cant carry on like this.

You at least have some satisfaction that he screwed you both other, not just you.

She knows already. She doesn't care. He's got her hooked, just like you are. Both of you have no respect for each other or yourself. You'd both be better without him.

Wake up, smell the coffee. Of course you can leave him. Why on earth do you think you want a man who doesn't love, respect, or like you? Come on! While you're waiting for this cheating rat you'll never meet anyone decent. There is so much better out there.

You don't love him.

You love the drama.

Focus on other more fulfilling aspects of your life, work on your self respect, find things that give you true satisfaction, not the illicit thrill of this overly dramatic unhealthy relationship.

I think it's a decent enough plan for OP - who is clearly going demented with misery - IF Op is prepared never to see ex-bf again. She gets "revenge" on current girlfriend, if there is text proof, and bf is hopefully left with neither gf.

Where the plan falls down is if OP is hoping that bf is going to run back to her if current gf dumps him.

Forget this other woman, her mother and any thoughts of going round to see them.

Now take a step outside the situation and consider for a moment what you would advise a friend to do if they were in your shoes. It's obvious isn't it? So now you have an objective, rational perspective you need to follow through on it and walk away from him. Please.

Because what does a future with him really hold? More cheating and lying? More being second best? Hardly marriage, babies and happy ever after is it?

Is that what you really want? Take a good long look at him and consider what kind of a man he is. Is that what you really deserve?!

Stop wasting your time and delaying the inevitable. Rip that plaster off, walk away, block and delete and make today day one of the rest of your life.

Iappreciate this probably is massively unreasonable and im not thinking straight in my desperation to get out of the situation. Thank you for your replies i truly wish I could be this rational about it I know hes a nasty lying cheat, but I am clearly extremely hopeless and cant give him up. I suppose this just seemed a way of knowing I wont have to give him up, as he would stop seeing me, and yes I suppose meanly upset her the way she upset me. Which I do know is wrong. I have previously been married and have a daughter and a good job and I know chasing him is insanity.

Get some self respect and grow up

He's been a bastard to you both. You are both victims. But what is the point of having anything to do with her? You can only worry about yourself.

You can't change the situation. You can only change your reaction to it. That is the only control you have or need right now.

As maid said,
"I love him too much" -But you don't love yourself enough.

You are worthy of the love of a good man. He does not deserve you. If you don't believe this then why should he? Please value yourself enough to get rid of this cheating scumbag. You are too good for him. Not the other way round.

I don't know what the law is where you live but don't do anything which could be construed as stalking her, unless you think being in a court or cell would improve your life.

I dont like the fact shes with him Im not going to deny that, the problem is more my obviously pathetic addiction to still seeing him. if he refused to see me then it would still be painful and i would hate them both, but it would be eaiser to get over. And yes, it is my choice, and I feel stupid at 31 to be this way really I do. I am taking the comments on board just not thinking too straight at the minute thats all.

I live in england and Ive not stalked her at all honestly, she lives just round the corner from me so Im in no way hunting her down or anything, nor have I ever been abusive or anything, not that that makes it ok I know.....

Why, oh why would you want such a man?

Could always go on Jeremy Kyle?

ArfanArf -
I know it is my choice, obviously I keep making the same terrible choice, I have blocked him many times only to unblock him. I suppose this seemed an easy way out but I can see its beyond crazy that is why I asked, my mind is full of him hating him yet missing him so obviously Im not thinking straight. And yes, i know at 31 I shouldnt be this way I really dont need telling that as I agree its pathetic.

Oh good lord.

Block his number.
Delete both of their numbers.
Find some self respect. Reconnect with your friends and get some support from them.
Get to a clinic and ffs get checked out.

What would telling her mummy achieve?
Do you think she would dump his ass and he would come running to you?
He would still be a cheating lying manipulative bastard.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
You'd never be able to trust him.

Sadly. How ever you feel about him, he doesn't love you.

You say that you used to be so happy etc., well maybe you were. You can't be that happy with him again though. Doesn't matter how long you manage to keep shagging him, you'll never be a happy couple again.

You're chasing the impossible.

OP, you aren't worthless or pathetic or any of those things- he is. You just cant see it because your opinion of yourself is in the gutter. I know first hand how hard it is to kick the habit of a man who is just a loser, but you have to keep telling yourself you don't want him until it becomes true, and it will. Don't put your daughter through this.

Everyday you hang on to your obsession with him is another day where you won't find a person who truly loves you and will put you first in their life and relationships. Everyday you are chipping away at your dignity and self esteem until you are happy to settle for scraps.

You make me think of a friend of my parents who wasted years on an "unavailable / not fully available" man. One day she woke up and realised she was too old to have the family she wanted and that he didn't really give a stuff about her and her needs.

He doesn't love you. Don't compete with the current girlfriend to show you can win him back; he really really isn't a prize worth winning.

You know about her and are continuing the relationship as you are so in love with him; what makes you think she isn't doing exactly the same thing? I don't really understand why you think it'll change anything if you 'prove' it to her. Anyway, that's not really the point, you must know you have to end it with him?

consensus is Im totally crazy to do this then, which I probably did need to hear. I was genuinely I thought a normal person until I met him, like I say decent job, previous normal relationship, child, house etc, Ive not always been this way and I do utterly hate it.