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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

feeling left out

49 replies

feelingmiffed · 27/03/2016 15:11

I already know I'm being unreasonable but it's upset me

Our family is friends with 2 other families. Our youngest children are all in the same year at school.

One of the children has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. His Mum has always felt annoyed if she ever feels he gets missed out on anything. Will always claim its linked to his behaviour when often it isn't. She's very vocal about her anger.

Our youngest is currently having chemotherapy and recently there's been more and more things where we aren't invited.

For instance today I've found out that the other 2 families are having easter lunch together ( at the house of the boy with aspergers), no invite for us and all done secretively . I'll be honest, I'm really sad and abit cross how expectant the other mum is that everyone fits in around her son but mine is never considered.

I'm going to sulk into my Easter egg now.

Blah.

OP posts:

ConfuciousSayWhat · 27/03/2016 15:13

I believe this is known as being wendied

mummymeister · 27/03/2016 15:15

poor you. have a damned good sulk. your child is having chemo and you would think your "friends" would be rallying around you not sneaking behind your back.

I think its time to find some new friends. this pair sound a bit childish and not in the least considerate to your feelings.

tbh I would be telling them this. some people are so thick that you have to actually spell it out to them. enjoy your egg.

OneLove10 · 27/03/2016 15:15

Sorry about your dc
Could it be that they think your family might not be up to it right now and organized this quietly as to not offend you?

Twitterqueen · 27/03/2016 15:16

What has this got to do with Asperger's? I don't really understand your point tbh. Are you cross because your youngest has cancer, or because he's not being invited to things, or because the mum of the Aspie boy is calling the shots..?

What do you want to change?

miraclebabyplease · 27/03/2016 15:19

I think you should send a group whatsapp to both explaining how you feel and give them a chance to explain. They may be considering your feelings but have cocked up. Or they are twunts and you should dump them fast. Either way, you need to know.

I don't know how to do the flowers but flowers to you and your family.

Piemernator · 27/03/2016 15:20

I think what she is upset over is that the Mum with the child who has aspergers wants inclusivity which is fair enough but she herself is now being excluded.

Lots of people are scared of cancer and speak about it in hushed tones and what the op really needs now is for people to rally round her and not exclude her.

whois · 27/03/2016 15:21

What has this got to do with Asperger's? I don't really understand your point tbh

The Op is perfectly clear, check your reading comprehension.

One family are terribly vocal about their child with aspergers shouldn't ever be left out of anything. Then the same family are organising things and leaving out the Op and her child who is having chemo. Massively hypocritical.

PhoenixReisling · 27/03/2016 15:46

Sorry to hear that your son is having chemo, tough for you all

IMHO, when we go through difficult times, you begin to realise who your true friends are.

These women are not friends.

Just faze these two out....you are well rid!

Twitterqueen · 27/03/2016 15:47

Whois
What an unpleasant - and completely unnecessary aggressive response. No need for that at all.

Check your manners

llhj · 27/03/2016 15:52

No Twitter your response was unnecessarily goady and unsympathetic. This woman has a seriously sick child and is not being supported by friends. She clearly explained the context, you ignored all that and tried to score some points on a totally different topic. Shame on you.

teeththief · 27/03/2016 15:55

Check your manners You might like to do the same twitterqueen. How offensive is 'Aspie boy'

OP. Sorry about your DS. YANBU if the other parent has already pulled you all up on not inviting them places. What a hypocrite!

scarlets · 27/03/2016 15:59

Given the the mum with the child with Aspergers has been vocal about inclusivity, it seems hypocritical. However, maybe they assumed that your DC would be feeling too sick to enjoy it. I'd talk to her, she of all people will probably understand your concerns.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2016 16:03

They don't sound like good friends at all, they should be supporting you, not leaving you out. I agree with op, it's ok for the mum with ds who has ASD to ensure they are included, but are very hypocritical in the way she is treating you. I would be upfront. For example when you speak to each mum next time, oh I heard that you all had Easter Lunch together, I was very hurt we were not included! Why was that! Their response will tell you exactly where you stand. The worse thing is to keep it inside!

candykane25 · 27/03/2016 16:08

Do they think they might post an infection risk to your child who is having chemo?
Personally I think they should still invite and just inform if someone has a cold or bug do you can avoid risk.
I'm sorry you feel sad about this.
No advice except to do things with other friends instead.

Original poster

feelingmiffed · 27/03/2016 16:26

Thanks everyone, I'm not normally this precious, just feeling abit fed up with everything.

OP posts:

Original poster

feelingmiffed · 27/03/2016 16:27

candy, you've hit the nail on the head there, I'd appreciate the opportunity to say that something isn't suitable, but I don't get that. Instead it's kept quiet then waved around on FB about what an amazing time they all had together.

Meh

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2016 16:34

That is rude and insensitive, also knowing you are going to see those pictures, it's like rubbing your face in it. They should have invited you and let you make that decision. They don't sound like very good friends, knowing what your going through, would it not occur to them that you would not like to be included. I woukd have to say something, I really couldent keep it in.

miraclebabyplease · 27/03/2016 16:37

Wow Twitter, just wow.

passmethewineplease · 27/03/2016 16:44

YANBU OP. They are supposed to be your friends, I totally see why you're upset!

ProjectPerfect · 27/03/2016 16:47

twitter don't be so disingenuous you were trying to point score.

OP don't blame you feeling fed up and I'd probably challenge the mum who's hosting lunch (after the event). You have enough on your plate without friends being less than supportive.

I hope your DC is doing well

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2016 16:48

It's times like this you know who your friends really are, they sound very flaky.

BolshierAryaStark · 27/03/2016 16:51

YANBU OP, these people are not your friends unfortunately-friends would support you not take opportunities to exclude you.

Theimpossiblegirl · 27/03/2016 16:57

I've tried to think of possible excuses but am struggling. I'm sorry your friends are being crap, OP. I'd be feeling miffed too.

Enjoy your chocolate and start planning some lovely treats for your family for now and when your son is well enough to enjoy them. Then choose whether to include them or not.

MrsDeVere · 27/03/2016 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2016 17:32

Time to be vocal like the other mum.

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