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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

feeling left out

49 replies

feelingmiffed · 27/03/2016 15:11

I already know I'm being unreasonable but it's upset me

Our family is friends with 2 other families. Our youngest children are all in the same year at school.

One of the children has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. His Mum has always felt annoyed if she ever feels he gets missed out on anything. Will always claim its linked to his behaviour when often it isn't. She's very vocal about her anger.

Our youngest is currently having chemotherapy and recently there's been more and more things where we aren't invited.

For instance today I've found out that the other 2 families are having easter lunch together ( at the house of the boy with aspergers), no invite for us and all done secretively . I'll be honest, I'm really sad and abit cross how expectant the other mum is that everyone fits in around her son but mine is never considered.

I'm going to sulk into my Easter egg now.

Blah.

OP posts:

PeppermintPatty1 · 27/03/2016 17:32

I sometimes feel a bit sad that we are a little isolated where we live and have few friends. But then I see things like this miffed and remember that people sometimes let you down and can be very selfish with no insight to how their behaviour can be hurtful or if they do have insight, they are just unpleasant. They aren't the sort of people you need in your life. Have some more and for later. Sorry about your little one. Hope everything goes ok.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2016 17:41

Oh gosh, reading further into the op, you have been excluded from other things. Time to dump them, they are no friends.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2016 17:42

I woukd also talk to the host mum and tell her exactly how you feel, and dump them.

Italiangreyhound · 27/03/2016 18:01

feelingmiffed very sorry your child is ill and very sorry that you have been put in this position. In your shoes I would make sure your friends realise how hurtful and insensitive their behaviour is on this. I would tackle them separately, not together, and if they are truly understanding of your feelings then hopefully friendship can be salvaged.

If not, I would be tempted to move on, make new friends etc. I don't think everyone should have to do everything together but the mum whose son has Asperger's clearly does think she and her son need to be included in everything so there is clearly a precedent of doing stuff together.

Good luck.

Twitterqueen · 28/03/2016 17:47

Wow! Vipers galore on this thread. Since when is it 'goady' to say you're not clear about the point someone is making?

I'll leave you lot to it.

OP apologies if YOU found my post offensive. It wasn't meant to be. I really don't care what the vipers here think.

candykane25 · 28/03/2016 17:54

Hi Twitter. You misinterpreted the OP. You have your own agenda which may have coloured your understanding. I understood the OP.
Sometimes we misread or get the wrong end of the stick. I've no doubt done it myself. The trick is to say whoops sorry, I've reread and sorry I got it wrong.
You seem very defensive.

MrsDeVere · 28/03/2016 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

feelingmiffed · 08/04/2016 12:30

Well it's continued all holiday, constant days out, and when I tried to arrange a trip it was snubbed

It's the birthday of one of the mums next week and I'm expected to attend 3 events to celebrate?!!! Bah!

OP posts:

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 08/04/2016 12:37

Have you spoke to them about it?

Original poster

feelingmiffed · 08/04/2016 17:53

No, I probably should be I really don't like confrontation! I know that means nothing will change though!

OP posts:

Andylion · 08/04/2016 18:01

It's the birthday of one of the mums next week and I'm expected to attend 3 events to celebrate?!!! Bah! Three events for an adult's birthday? I wouldn't be going to three events if things were going with you all. Under the circumstances, I'd find myself to be otherwise engaged.

PerryHatter · 08/04/2016 18:53

3 events for her birthday? She isn't the fucking queen.
Leave them to it, OP. You and your son are probably best away from it all. If you did go, it's highly likely you won't have any idea how it is dealing with a child with a condition, you know...
I hope everything gets better for your family and you find better friends for you and your son

Itsmine · 08/04/2016 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WipsGlitter · 08/04/2016 19:39

Hi chums, I've been really disappointed not to see you more over Easter. It's also been hard to see you enjoying trips out without us to which we were not, for some reason, invited to. As you know it's difficult and upsetting when you are excluded - xx you've often mentioned hard hard it is when your ds is excluded. I'm going to bow out of the birthday celebrations.

What about just arguing then something like this.

Original poster

feelingmiffed · 08/04/2016 23:57

I sent a message, basically asking if I'd done anything wrong as felt we'd been excluded and even my suggestion of going out was snubbed.

The reply from the mum of the boy was that she thought I didn't like her son due to his behaviour so thought we wouldn't want to go out with them . If that is the case why would I suggest we do something?!

The excuse for snubbing my idea for meeting up was that as the other mum wasn't available she didn't think it was going ahead . So it's alright to do things without me, but not without the other friend.

OP posts:

looki · 09/04/2016 00:13

Leave them to it OP. They sound like they are adding very little other than stress to your life which is a shame as now is when you need your friends to cry and laugh with.

Do you have other friends? I'm asking as it is easier to let some friends go when you have others to fall back on. If they are your main group of friends, then you will feel their loss more so it become a choice of whether to try and hang on to the scraps of friendship they throw your way or to make the decision to let them go.

I'm awfully sorry to read about your child and I hope he makes a full recovery.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 09/04/2016 00:16

Did you message both of them? What was the response from the other mum?

Original poster

feelingmiffed · 09/04/2016 08:24

I haven't spoken to the other friend, I struggle to approach people but the one I did say something too asked if I was ok, so I took it as a good opportunity to say something.

OP posts:

Original poster

feelingmiffed · 09/04/2016 08:25

I haven't spoken to the other friend, I struggle to approach people but the one I did say something too asked if I was ok, so I took it as a good opportunity to say something.

OP posts:

scarednoob · 09/04/2016 08:31

They sound at best thoughtless and self-centred. I know it's painful but it is them, not you. I would excuse myself from the birthday activities and not make any further suggestions. If they get in touch and want to see what is wrong and sort it out, you can tell them. If they don't, they were never real friends in the first place.

Really sorry your son and family are going through chemo and keeping everything tightly crossed for him

Original poster

feelingmiffed · 09/04/2016 09:54

Thanks for all the comments about my son, he'll be fine ( it's very treatable) but it's a long haul! We'll get there!

OP posts:

DoJo · 09/04/2016 11:12

Making assumptions instead of talking to you is a really crappy way of dealing with the situation, and makes me wonder whether that's just a convenient excuse (in as much as she's sort of 'blaming' her child's behaviour, but still excluding you). It doesn't sound like they are good friends - they should appreciate that you need support now and rally round, not close ranks and leave you out. I'm sorry that this has happened to you and hope you have some nice friends to distract you from these rude ones.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/04/2016 13:05

Op they are not your friends, I would make excuses for not attending the birthday celebrations of queen bee. Just sounds like an excuse to leave you out and treat you in a rubbish way. They are no friends, sorry, I would ditch the lot of them.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/04/2016 13:28

I agree itsme, the mum of the boy with ASD sounds like a blooming attention seeker, now your ds is ill, the attention might be somewhat shifted, and she does not like that. Disclaimer, I have a dd with ASD and learning difficulties, but that does not make us perfect, or maryters, there can still be bitch parents of children with sn, and she sounds like one of them. Instead of helping and supporting you, they are treating you like that, ditch the lot of them.

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