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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore my mothers calls and texts

46 replies

Wineandcheases · 27/03/2016 08:59

She is demanding . Came round last night and asked if we were bringing dd round for eggs in the morning why she could bring them then beyond me said yes at some point prob late morning text when we sorted . It's our only lay in day . She dd done her egg hunt we back in bed mothers texting at 8.30 which is 7.30 if clocks hadn't changed asking when we are going - Iv turned phone off

OP posts:
AnotherTimeMaybe · 27/03/2016 09:01

Why do you ignore her? Why don't you just tell her? She's your DM not your MIL Grin

TheDuchessOfArbroathsHat · 27/03/2016 09:12

One day she'll be dead and you'll probably find yourself wishing you hadn't placed more value on lying about in bed than facilitating your Mum enjoying her grandchild.

julfin · 27/03/2016 09:23

Mothers can be demanding but it's only because they love you. I'd just text her and say "We're still in bed as today's our only day for a lie-in but we're really looking forward to seeing you later - probably late morning - will text when we're heading off." That way you've put her out of her misery and been straight with her, and you can relax and enjoy your morning.

PalcumTowder · 27/03/2016 09:26

I agree with julfin - why make it into a big deal when you could just send one text?

CherryBlossom321 · 27/03/2016 09:28

I'm guessing the above situation is the tip of the iceberg - does she expect you to dance to her tune during every holiday/ weekend? When you do see her, start by telling her that 7:30am is an unreasonably early time to disturb people on a Sunday morning.

WannabeHippyAndCrazyCatLady · 27/03/2016 09:39

Just text her back saying 'we are still in bed, we will be over at x time'....

YABU- it takes a second to text someone.

TimeToMuskUp · 27/03/2016 09:44

Yep, text back a no-nonsense no-arguing declaration of "we'll be there at x time, happy easter, love you" and be done with it.

My Mum is quite independent and we get on really well but don't spend a huge amount of time together, MIL is lovely too, but needs us much more. It's been hard at times having her present much more than my parents, but it's how some people are. No point being upset; direct and straight to the point is the best way to handle them.

Joolsy · 27/03/2016 09:46

The Duchess - so nobody is ever allowed to moan about anyone, ever, because one day they'll be dead! My mum is dead but I don't mind it when someone else moans about theirs

SaucyJack · 27/03/2016 09:52

Why didn't you just say you'll be round at 11am? (Or whatever time you'd decided on)

My mum is a demanding PITA too so I do sympathise, but two wrongs don't make a right and you were U not to have simply messaged her back with a time like a grown-up.

Original poster
Wineandcheases · 27/03/2016 10:23

Well it's all turned into a lovely row - she has come and let herself in. Unlocked the door and walked upstairs .
Didn't tell her exact time as wasn't wanting to rush everyone on the one morning we all have off together
I prefair my mil another time

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineandcheases · 27/03/2016 10:25

I told her Yeasterday I would text when we were up prob between 9-10 view the view of been with her late morning . I had thought that would be enough info .

OP posts:
Discopanda · 27/03/2016 10:27

Take her key away!

SmallBee · 27/03/2016 10:30

I find it really frustrating when someone does this to me and won't give me a time. I have other things I'd do/need to plan and it depends on knowing when people are meeting me. I think it's hugely inconsiderate to just expect people to wait around and put their day on hold so you can just rock up wherever it suits without telling anyone.

But she is massively BU for just walking into your house. That's very creepy.

Original poster
Wineandcheases · 27/03/2016 10:30

Hence the row disco. She had it for emergencies not to use when ever .

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Mishaps · 27/03/2016 10:31

Oh yes - no key!

I am a gran and take great care to respect my family's privacy. I would not expect to have a key to the house unless they were away - and certainly would not let myself in when I knew they were there!

I am sorry that you have this difficulty, but have no suggestions as to how to solve it. If she does not have the sensitivity to realise that you have a life of your own, then you cannot insert this surgically! Good luck!

Original poster
Wineandcheases · 27/03/2016 10:32

I agree small but I had told her last night we couldn't give exact time - only day we aren't up before 7 all week - it was fine last night

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JellyBabiesSaveLives · 27/03/2016 10:33

Time to take that key back.

You don't text someone (that you saw yesterday) at 7:30 in the morning (of the day you know is the only one they get a lie-in), "because you love them". You do it because you're selfish.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty and do make it clear that your mum has overstepped the mark.

Tbh, the best way to "facilitate your mum enjoying her grandchild" is to set some boundaries and try to get your mum to consider other people - because otherwise you're just going to end up resenting her and trying to avoid her.

SmallBee · 27/03/2016 10:34

Oh I missed that sorry! if she was fine with it last night YANBU definitely. In which case take the key away!

YouTheCat · 27/03/2016 10:36

What emergencies?

miraclebabyplease · 27/03/2016 10:37

Wtaf! She let herself in?!

GooseberryRoolz · 27/03/2016 10:37

Something tells me that there's a lot of history to this.

GooseberryRoolz · 27/03/2016 10:45

The Duchess - so nobody is ever allowed to moan about anyone, ever, because one day they'll be dead! My mum is dead but I don't mind it when someone else moans about theirs

And this ^.

I've usually found that if someone finds a parent hard work, it is because they ARE hardwork. We're programmed to be tolerant towards and overlook a lot of minor irritation from close relatives. It takes unusually stress-inducing behaviour before we get stressed by parents/siblings/children.

Original poster
Wineandcheases · 27/03/2016 11:01

There is a fair bit of history - if I stand up to her she is ill .no doubt this aft will bring story's of migrains so bad in a&e
Emergencies - not sure something we ahve always done . I have one for hers but never use it apart from when she was on holiday and asked me to check something . Love her Dearly but im just tired of it

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Original poster
Wineandcheases · 27/03/2016 11:02

Miracle yes - it's not the first time - prob my fault Iv never reacted to it before - kind of got sick of it now tho !

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miraclebabyplease · 27/03/2016 11:08

Hugs to you. That would drive me crazy. If she has form for feigning illness then tell her to take paracetamol, have a lie down and switch your phone off. Oh, and put yhe chain on!