Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To ignore my mothers calls and texts

46 replies

Wineandcheases · 27/03/2016 08:59

She is demanding . Came round last night and asked if we were bringing dd round for eggs in the morning why she could bring them then beyond me said yes at some point prob late morning text when we sorted . It's our only lay in day . She dd done her egg hunt we back in bed mothers texting at 8.30 which is 7.30 if clocks hadn't changed asking when we are going - Iv turned phone off

OP posts:

PestilentialCat · 27/03/2016 11:18

Take the key back & give it to a friend or neighbour for proper emergencies. She sounds horribly manipulative.

Original poster

Wineandcheases · 27/03/2016 12:36

Iv stood up to her she isn't happy - but despite feeling anxious - I feel oddly relieved

OP posts:

GooseberryRoolz · 27/03/2016 12:42

if I stand up to her she is ill .no doubt this aft will bring story's of migrains so bad in a&e

Do you realise quite how manipulative that is? ( I know you're used to it.)

Glad to hear you feel relieved. You did the right thing. It'll probably get easier every time.

GlitteryFluff · 27/03/2016 13:45

I think you should have text her what julfin said then she wouldn't have had reason to come round (I know she didn't need to anyway).
She's being unreasonable now though for letting herself in etc

WorraLiberty · 27/03/2016 13:55

You made a mountain out of a molehill by not simply answering the phone.

It's just unnecessary drama.

calamityjam · 27/03/2016 14:00

Why should anyone feel they should answer the phone when they have stated they're having a lie in. I don't always answer the phone. Nobody stomps round my house.

WorraLiberty · 27/03/2016 14:15

Because the OP was wide awake, having already been up for the Easter egg hunt.

Simply answering and saying "Yeah, remember I'm having a lie-in? I'll ring you later", would have been better than all this unnecessary angst.

OnlyLovers · 27/03/2016 14:17

Take the key off her.

And why should the OP rush to answer the phone in the morning at the crack of butt?

Hissy · 27/03/2016 14:22

Please tell me you took your key back?

Wtaf, your mother is insane.

WorraLiberty · 27/03/2016 14:34

Rush to answer the phone?

I keep my phone next to my bed, like I assumed most people do (perhaps wrongly).

And the OP was already up and awake 'at the crack of butt'

I'm not saying her Mum isn't annoying, just that the OP could simply have answered the text or call.

OnlyLovers · 27/03/2016 14:53

Worra, 'rushing' doesn't imply only running from one place to another. If the scenario is that she keeps her phone by the bed, I could equally have said 'scrabbling', but I kind of assumed that people would get the gist of what I meant and not nitpick for the sake of it.

She was 'back in bed', maybe awake, maybe not, but in either case trying to have a lie-in and not feeling like answering the phone.

quietbatperson · 27/03/2016 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Earlyday · 27/03/2016 15:07

I have a mum like this and it wears me down! Each occasion by itself doesn't sound like much but it's cumulative.

By 9.30am in work last week I had over 10 text messages from my mother about absolutely nothing. Because I was busy working I can't reply. Then the messages start including this "REPLY!!!". It winds me up. At that stage I block her phone number for the day so I can have some peace. If I reply and saw busy she just sends more texts. She doesn't know when to stop.

Whenever we visit Mil she would send texts showing how jealous she was that I was visiting Mil. We only see MIL occasionally as she loves much further away.

The truth is I do prefer my MIL as she is a normal person I can talk to. I wish my mum was like her. I can't imagine having a normal mum that i was close to.

If I say anything to my mum she overreacts or else throws it back at me at some stage in the future. Because of that I tell her nothing now - just the bare minimum.

I've found since I've stop complying with her demands and replying to her texts instantly we get involved in less arguments. I think she knew before that she could wind me up and upset me. She did it too often and I no longer care now. She knows if she acts like that I'll ignore her.

When my children grow up I hope I'm more like MIL than like my mum.

Fluffycloudland77 · 27/03/2016 16:07

She's a manipulator. You can DIY changing locks, that way she won't find out until her key doesn't work.

I wonder if she routinely lets herself in?.

Anniegetyourgun · 27/03/2016 16:46

In this day and age it seems to be increasingly regarded as mandatory to be in communication at every hour of the day and night just because the technology exists to enable it. I don't get it. It's only the telephone ffs. It's not the Last Trump on Judgement Day. You don't have to answer it just because it rings, no, not even if it's your mother. The OP said they would be round late morning and would text before they set off. Not as if it was all up in the air. 8:30 am doesn't meet my definition of "late", or I suspect most people's.

Original poster

Wineandcheases · 28/03/2016 09:29

I have taken the key -it caused massive argument -
Early day - she does the reply in capital letter and will even ring my husband who she knows works nights
Fluffy this is where it has come from -I strongly suspect she has .
She has already started this morning - sending me picture of her cat / dog Easter egg she is trying to be nice as she knows she is in the wrong . She won't apologise tho and she won't change .

OP posts:

Original poster

Wineandcheases · 28/03/2016 09:32

And if I were to say anymore she would scream cry Shoute involve every member of the family to text me to point out how mean I am . They tolerate it as i guess like me want a easy life ok for them they live 100'miles away
Confronting her affects my anxiety which has raised its ugly head again - but am glad Iv taken it back

OP posts:

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/03/2016 09:41

Good grief, I'd change the lock barrel anyway just to be sure she hadn't had a copy cut.

The other family members are "flying monkeys". They tolerate it because while she's on bad terms with you they have to hear all about it with histronics. This is incredibly boring for them so they do her bidding to get her off their backs and onto yours.

In a "its wine or us" situation you get pushed under the bus.

OnlyLovers · 28/03/2016 09:42

If I worked nights, I wouldn't be at all amused about being disturbed by the phone by someone who knew that. You and DH could block her number.

Hissy · 29/03/2016 20:39

Jesus Christ love!

Get angry and bollocks to the flying monkeys! Block the bloody lot of them!

How on earth are these people getting the brass neck to call themselves family? This is not how you treat valued members of the family!

Phones off, unplugged and fuck the lot of them. Shout at them if you must! How dare they?

They are batshit. Now, remove yourselves from their clutches. You are not on this earth to serve them or be at their neck and call.

If you don't switch off your phones, block them you are giving them space to do this to you.

It doesn't have to be permanent, but you need to establish your space, firmly.

Hissy · 29/03/2016 20:42

As for your anxiety, that's caused by all this. Remove them from your life and in time things will become normal.

Your life is not being run by normal rules, you are having the control of your lives removed by this family of yours.

We can help with hand holding if your anxious.

Are you on any meds for this? Have you tried meditation etc? Rescue remedy? Sounds a bit wooooo (which I'm not) but it all helps you feel you're in more control of your life.

Flip

1 2