to have just lost it with my niece on Fb over her comments about ADHD

[coffeeisnectar]

Basically she's saying that children aren't born with ADHD, it's down to parenting.

She's 20 years old. She's not got any children although she's pregnant for the third time (2 terminations)

I pulled her up on it and told her that if my DD is diagnosed with autism (which is very likely) then it would be my fault. She told me to piss off and told me I'm a fucking useless aunt and need to butt out of her family business.

So I've ripped her a new one and told her to grow up.

I'm fuming. I know I'm probably being very U but I'm very stressed today and reading that utter bullshit just pushed me over the edge.

Best laugh is, she says she's going to be a mental health nurse. Dear God!

[coffeeisnectar]

sleeponeday

thank you so much for your very understanding post. You said exactly what I failed to articulate in a meaningful way due to PMT and stress and being fucking exhausted

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

🍫🍷💤

She sounds like a complete nightmare, try not to take it to heart.

My suggestion...close this thread & don't re open it. You'll get people piling in repeating the same stuff because they've not bothered to read the thread. You replied, you acknowledge your unreasonableness, you don't have to come back, it'll do your stress levels no good at all!

[missbishi]

coffee as the OP, I'm sure you do know the circumstances! I was quoting someone else and whilst I do think your niece is being a first class wanker, I also feel it unfair to judge someone for having had two terminations.

[weirdsister]

thirtynine weeks - science has already identified a genetic link between ADHD and autism. I suppose you think that autism is a myth too then?

[crumblybiscuits]

missbishi I do know the circumstances. Both were short term relationships (think a few weeks) and both blokes ran a mile.
Well then it seems like she made a good decision for herself and her life not to continue the pregnancies with no support. Having abortions has no reflection on her character, judging her for them has reflection on yours. I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your DD but you've reduced yourself to her level.

[sleeponeday]

coffeisnectar you're less misanthropic than I am, tbh. I just unfollow drama llamas, because as I said on another thread (sexist image post on FB, this time) you can't argue intelligence into anyone. Your niece, at this point in her life, sounds an absolute idiot. But she'll learn, hopefully.

For you

[ilovevegcrisps]

Let's be honest: it's a fairly common view, and not one that will be changed or altered by shouting or getting angry or insulting.

[incandescentalright]

Is it actually established that ADHD is not caused (or partly caused) by environmental factors? I don't think we really know much about it. It doesn't seem inherently implausible to me - and not because I don't think it's a real condition or should be taken less seriously. To put it another way, a lot of medical conditions, including mental health conditions, are due to a mix of environmental and genetic factors. Being offended by the suggestion that environmental factors play a part is not helpful. Obviously she was making this suggestion in a judgy way, but I don't think that insisting that all disorders are purely genetic is actually helpful.

[coffeeisnectar]

Well it's all escalated completely out of all reasonableness.

While on the phone to my sister I mentioned we were visiting a university next week which will involved a 2 night stopover. She suggested we come and see her on the way back ... not seen each other for 14 years! Life has got in the way so we are both excited about that. We talk on the phone a lot, we are very close.

However, my niece has sent my teen a string of messages calling me a whore, saying I've slept about, that I've 'done the nasty' (whatever that is), that I have caused my youngest to have autism because I've got MH issues and spend all my time feeling sorry for myself because my dad killed my mum. That I've never looked after my kids because I'm mental etc. She has threatened to come to her mum's on Thursday (not sure how she knows that) and have a go at me and also threatened to post stuff on my teen's fb telling everyone what a fucking slag/whore her mum is.

Screen shot the lot and sent to my sister and blocked the nasty little bitch.

Seems I am not U after all. Fuck that.

[sleeponeday]

crumbly, are you kidding me? OP didn't say a word to the niece about her choices. She has a right to her own private opinion on them, yet you say that doing so puts her on the level of someone making foul, disablist remarks to the parents of affected children? If those remarks were racist, would you have the same attitude?

[sleeponeday]

In all honesty, coffee, she sounds incredibly damaged. I'm not for one moment excusing her appalling behaviour - it must have been dreadful for your teen (she's blocked her, right?) but this is not the way happy, together 20 year olds behave.

There's nothing you can do - and you already have enough on your plate, anyway. But it's very sad.

[incandescentalright]

The reason I asked was I just did look it up. There doesn't seem to be any definitive answer.

[Lottie2611]

Both of you need to grow up. Or go on jeramy Kyle

[incandescentalright]

I'm not talking about autism. It appears that neglect is a risk factor for ADHD - www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-easy-to-read/index.shtml.

[GreatFuckability]

do we share the same niece? mine is just as offensive and stupid. just ignore, ignore, ignore!

[PastaLaFeasta]

ADHD is very much considered a genetic condition. Bad parenting is mentioned as a cause for behaviour which is similar to ADHD but the reality for us is quite different. Our suspected ADHD child really wants to be good and is much less naughty than our youngest. Being away with the fairies, constantly on the go and having low impulse control are features but it's clear when these behaviours are unintentional. Having two kids close in age really shows how little parenting has impacted. Many ADHD people are very intelligent, conscientious and caring, the image of the out of control, aggressive child is not accurate for most but sadly is the dominant stereotype.

Ignore the niece and find support for getting through the diagnostic process, other parents who've been where you are will be much better able to tell you what's what than a no nothing overgrown child having a tantrum. Keep away and block her from contacting you and your DD.

[shrunkenhead]

Like others have said many just scream adhd tocover poor parenting, which does nothing to help genuine cases. Her abortion history isn't great and some may shout the method of contraception idea. I don't know.

[RubbleBubble00]

three dc, one diagnosed with ADHD - there's actually a definitive computer test now used in conjunction with diagnosis. Other two dc don't have ADHD. So if environmental did I somehow mess one of them up?

affected dc also takes the scorned methyl phenidate which focuses and calms him - much heart ache and tears trying to decide to start meds. Meds are essentially speed that cause tremours, agitation ect on non ADHD child.

[crumblybiscuits]

She has a right to her own private opinion on them
It's not private when it's being posted on a public forum being used to try and colour views of the niece. I completely disagree with the comments made by both parties. I think voicing nasty opinions full stop is wrong. Regardless of whether she said them to the niece I can guarantee you there will be people reading this that have had two abortions themselves. I did not excuse the niece anything, I think she is incredibly immature and nasty-natured judging by OP's post alone and she will hopefully come down to earth with a bump when she becomes a parent.

[RubbleBubble00]

plus ADHD kids often need to be parented slightly differently as they often don't respond well to traditional parenting styles.