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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be worried about where my daughter is.

169 replies

Moxiechick · 25/03/2016 20:24

My ex has taken our dd who is 2 to a museum for the day. He mentioned yesterday that he was going to introduce her to the woman he is seeing.
He picked her up at 1 this afternoon and it takes roughly an hour to get there on the tube. I asked what time he'd bring her back and he answered 'dunno it closes at 5'. I checked and it closes at 5.50 so tried to guess what time they'd get back. He has form for not being able to give times when having her. So I just asked him to text me when they were on their way back.
I text him at 18:30 to ask if he knew what time they'd be back and he hasn't been online to read it which I get as he could be on the tube. I've called since then and it just says this phone is unavailable.
I'm sat here really worried as I have no idea where she is and when she'll be back. Maybe I'm being pfb please be gentle with me if you think so.
I've just been thinking how long do I leave it? And what do I do when that time comes?
He's on the birth certificate and had never not returned her before but has form for lateness.

OP posts:

Muddlewitch · 25/03/2016 22:34

So glad she is back, you must be so relieved for you op.

Beahun · 25/03/2016 22:38

Glad she is back safe and sound. Waiting for your update.

sepa · 25/03/2016 22:39

WTF. Who brings a child home at gone 10pm. That's unacceptable even for an older child let alone a 2yr old. Glad you have her back OP. I think a glass of wine is in order once she is in bed!

Original poster

Moxiechick · 25/03/2016 22:40

Thank you all for your concern and advise. You really did help keep me sane!
He came back like assumed rolling his eyes and got aggressive with me for being concerned.
Poor dd was begging for her bed which has never happened before!
After a very long heated discussion where he couldn't see he was in the wrong he finally apologised. I think a text from one of his friends did the trick as he always respects his friends opinions more than mine.
I have told him this is his last chance and that I've kept a diary entry of it and that if it happens again we will go to court to sort access.
I'm very reasonable with when he sees her. Basically he can have her anytime he asks if we don't have plans but that from now on he will have to stick to prearranged times or not have her.
I also got my flat key back finally! I've been asking for a while but he always refuses and I couldn't afford to get locks changed and wouldn't have been able to change main door lock for flats. So that's a relief!
They had gone out for dinner like assumed and his battery had died also. But they ate in Westfields where there's loads of charging ports. So he could have easily done something about that.
I'm so stressed out I have a massive headache so I'm going to go to bed and enjoy the rest of Easter with my baby.
Thank you again so much

OP posts:

LifeCrossRoad · 25/03/2016 22:42

Glad she's back safe. He knew exactly what he was doing to you keeping her out that late with his phone off. Agree that contact order/visiting schedule needs to be drawn up if he thinks 10pm is acceptible when you're expecting her home at say 5pm

OhForTheLoveOfGin · 25/03/2016 22:45

So glad she's tucked up safe in bed. I would be LIVID if this happened to me and I'm very glad he's been pulled up on his appalling behaviour. I think you've handled it fabulously

BrandNewAndImproved · 25/03/2016 22:46

What a knob.

My ex is like this and I didn't bother with rigid court ordered access or anyrhing. He was also controlling blablabla and now dd hardly sees him as she doesn't want to. (nor the rest of his kids). I'm glad that I never stopped access and it's fizzled out to now and again with no drama of you stopped me.from seeing my kid kind.

SuckingEggs · 25/03/2016 22:47

He's a prize wanker.

I'm glad she's back safe. Enjoy the rest of Easter and stick to your plan. If he can't look after her, he doesn't get to see her. End of.

Bogeyface · 25/03/2016 22:53

What a fucking asshole.

I am glad that you have stood up to him, and glad that his friends are finally beginning to see what a total tosser he is. This little stunt may actually have done you a favour because his friends will be on his back about it.

ohtheholidays · 25/03/2016 22:54

Oh OP what an arse he is!

I'm glad your DD is back and I'm not surprised you were so worried she's still a baby really that was far to late at night for such a young child.

I think your doing the right thing standing upto him and setting out proper ground rules when it concerns your DD.I hope this makes him think from now on when it comes to you and your DD.

Hope you both enjoy your Easter

Teddy1970 · 25/03/2016 23:15

Poor little sausage must have been knackered, who in their right mind would keep a very young child out this late? Glad you laid down the law too.

LoopyLily · 25/03/2016 23:24

I'm so glad she is back safe, how did he not get your messages because his battery died but got a text from his friend?

DirtyHarrietOnABike · 26/03/2016 01:28

OMG, I feel so sorry for you! I've had similar happen to me and I can totally understand the way you can freak out and feel helpless. So so glad your child is back!

amarmai · 26/03/2016 01:38

he'll have to carry her then as no buggy. Maybe he'll not want to do that again after holding her for an hour in a crowded tube. Can you get details re visitation , financial etc documented legally to give you less worry and a basis for complaint if he ignores? Hope she's home and in bed now.

Baconyum · 26/03/2016 02:24

Hope his family put him straight too that's ridiculously late for a 2 yr old and cruel to not contact you.

Atenco · 26/03/2016 02:45

Oh so glad she is back! My ex did that to me one time and there some of the worst hours of my life, how fucking dare they!

InionEile · 26/03/2016 04:19

What a controlling shitbag. He definitely knew what he was doing since he could easily have texted you his plans or charged his phone in the restaurant. I hate hearing of parents using their children to score points like this. Poor little thing must have been exhausted by 9pm.

I hope she had a few good screaming fit too-tired tantrums on the way home to knock some sense into him.

Natsku · 26/03/2016 08:06

Poor girl, way too late to be coming home. Glad she's home and he better not do this again.

Hissy · 26/03/2016 08:26

Do not make contact easy for an abusive man! After this stunt I'd refuse it tbh.

You can't handle him. You think a baby can?

You need to look into the freedom program as a matter of urgency, and get advice about contact. Ideally make him see her only on supervised basis.

He has just hurt her to hurt you. Keeping a baby out that late just to hurt you is cruel. We all know how we feel when were absolutely knackered but can't get to our beds

Your dd suffered because he wanted to make a point.

End contact today and make him the one that has to behave to get it.

He will never, ever EVER be a positive or beneficial presence in her life.

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