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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to go anymore

111 replies

jellypopmummy · 25/03/2016 15:33

We have a wedding at the beginning of June. It is my DH friends (I know the majority of people though) and I am looking forward to it (not the cost however). Anyway last night we ended up having an argument about something unrelated and it somehow turned round to the fact that I was going to embarrass him at the wedding because I am fat. He pointed out he wanted to lose weight (we both acknowledge we are overweight) and I hadn't made any effort to help him or do the same and said that all the other DW and GF will have been making an effort to lose weight as it's what women do and everyone was basically going to look at me like I was a ugly whale in a dress.

I know I'm fat, I wish I wasn't and I go through phases where I do try to lose weight, but it is so hard and I am an emotional eater so when I get down I eat.

I was so hurt and taken aback at this comment I did say that I would just feign illness if he felt his friends were so shallow that they could not accept me as I am. I know I look shit next to the skinny girl, I look hideous due to my thunder thighs and fat feet that don't fit in shoes properly. This is not unknown to me, being fat makes me conscious of how every outfit looks and sits. I know part of this is down to the fact he is self conscious at the fact he is fat too. I did point out to him that if he wanted to lose weight, why was that dependent on me making the first step, he is a big boy and could do it on his own.

I've not said anything further as I don't want to show how much this has actually hurt me and I feel even worse for eating a full packet of cookies, knowing this doesn't help. I'm prepared for the inevitable LTB comments, but this was out of the blue. I know he has no right to say that to me even if he is projecting his own feelings. I've just gone from looking forward to a nice day out, to wanting nothing to do with it. Doesn't help that the bride is a size 6/8, almost 6ft tall could be model.....

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 25/03/2016 22:15

And your husband agreed you'd look better with more weight
Yeah my husband respects me cos I listen to him

Tell the truth Lottie, you're a 'Surrendered Wife', aren't you?

Lottie2611 · 25/03/2016 22:20

Yeah I am

AcrossthePond55 · 25/03/2016 23:48

Well, that certainly explains it.

And explains (and negates) any piece of 'advice' you've given on this thread.

RockUnit · 25/03/2016 23:56

I know acasualobserver... it's not that long ago, is it? Smile

Only1scoop · 26/03/2016 00:11

'Show him how sexy you can be'

Ugh vom

Op he sounds angry with himself.

He's taking it out on you.

Unacceptable

TheStoic · 26/03/2016 02:12

This is what I would do, OP:

  1. Never let him see me naked again. He obviously doesn't like my body.
  2. Spend time and have fun with people who care for me regardless of how I look.
  3. Work on my self confidence (see Step 2)
  4. Ditch my deadweight partner

Does he put you down in other ways?

Waltermittythesequel · 26/03/2016 09:20

Surrendered wife??

Now I'm pissed off I even acknowledged that.

Ememem84 · 26/03/2016 10:11

lottie I didn't realise that when I got married I was merely an accessory.

Better throw up the two pieces of white toast and buttery butter I had for breakfast then. Must not get fat.

op it sucks that Dh has said he's ashamed of you. That's awful. If my Dh ever said that to me he'd suffer for it.

He hasn't lost weight and it's your fault? Hmm

The only thing I can say is that if you're not happy with the way you look you need to change it. If you are happy then you don't need to do anything. But if you choose to, do it for you. Not for anyone else.

DownUnderBound · 26/03/2016 10:34

I was seriously expecting you to say you were a size 24! Not a 16!

Lottie2611 · 26/03/2016 14:29

Just love to jump all over stuff don't you Hmm

Stormtreader · 29/03/2016 13:33

"DH: Everyone will look and see you haven't done anything about it, I didn't want to be the fattest there."

I think what he means is "I feel self-concious because I'm fat. It would help me if you could be more of a fashion accessory, to boost my self-esteem so I dont feel so bad about being fat. You dont care that I'll be self-concious!"

Its not your job to be a shield of "skinny and fashionable and super-hawt" that he can hide behind. If hes really that bothered about what people think, then its up to him to improve himself.

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