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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like being called by my first name?

118 replies

bbcessex · 25/03/2016 12:50

Went into the bank during a work break to pay a cheque in. The cashier processed the cheque, then said "Thanks for that Jane*, all done."

Bank in question has done this before, must be their protocol.

I don't like it - it seems very over familiar to me. I don't mind being called 'Mrs. Smith*', or being called nothing at all, but I don't like being called by my first name in these situations. If its designed to make me feel more loved and welcome, it has the opposite effect on me.

AIBU or just plain weird?!

  • not actual name Grin
OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/03/2016 21:14

I don't mind it but I don't like it when patients at work (am receptionist) peer at my name badges then start using my name

NNalreadyinuse · 25/03/2016 21:25

I like being called by my first name. Mrs lastname sounds like my mil and madam makes me feel about 198 years old.

My first name is who I am - if I must be subjected to a sales call, it's nice if the person on the end of the phone is actually talking to me and not some theoretical person who is essentially a stranger to me.

Pipbin · 25/03/2016 21:32

I don't imagine the Cher has much need to call customer service.

Where I in a situation to be talking to Cher then I would say 'may I call you Cher'.

I don't think the expecting certain standards if me being a 'prissy twit' any more than me expecting someone to put their clothes on before leaving the house.

timelytess · 25/03/2016 23:07

My name isn't for the likes of you! Its mine, for me, and personal to me and I say who gets to use it. So you can call me MrsTimelyTess in future. Yes you can. Or Timely, which isn't my name. But not Tess. No.

MyMarchMN · 25/03/2016 23:14

I used to work in a call centre (car insurance) and we had to use the customers nme every 1-2 minutes. It felt so false and cringey to me, and I'd regularly be marked down for not using names enough. I hated it.

EveryoneElsie · 25/03/2016 23:19

MyMarchMN
I knew it! Its a sales technique to make us trust them, isnt it! Someone should tell them its fake and it doesnt work Grin

HidingUnderARock · 25/03/2016 23:22

So, silly question I know, but if so many of us find it so rude/cringey/offputting, why do companies insist on it being done?

Do they actually want us to feel affronted or icky, or do they not know? What am I missing here?

Karoleann · 25/03/2016 23:59

I'm an optician and always used to refer to people as Mrs/Ms/Mr. As I've got older I've actually changed it to e.g. Alex Brown as I've had two occasions when the gender on my record card hasn't tallied with the person's gender of choice and I've had a waiting room full of people.
I still refer to older people as Mrs/Mr/Miss though.

SovietKitsch · 26/03/2016 00:12

What I really dislike is the way they decide to use my first name (fine by me) but take it one step further and use a common abbreviation of my first name (which I don't use) without asking me Angry fucks me right off...

Original poster
bbcessex · 26/03/2016 00:48

I'm glad I'm not alone with my views.. thanks most :-)

I feel quite happy being a prissy twit Grin

OP posts:
DirtyHarrietOnABike · 26/03/2016 00:54

I can't imagine why it would bother me. Unless my name was not Jane...

IoraRua · 26/03/2016 01:02

Couldn't give a flying shite whether it's first name or surname that they're using. It's only a name, like. What I do object to is them repeatedly saying my name in every bloody sentence!

Sgtmajormummy · 26/03/2016 01:26

I had a bit of an eye-opener at the last family event.
I still use "Auntie X" and "Uncle Y" for my relatives in their 80s as a mark of tenderness and respect, whereas my nephews call me AND them by our first names.
(hoiks up bosom) It's just not right!

I introduce myself as "Mrs Firstname" by the way. Grin Non-English speaking country.

Broken1Girl · 26/03/2016 01:36

O gods. Starbucks. Recently the girl managed to call me Broken plus a term of endearment about six times in a simple transaction. Thanks so much Broken sweetie, here you are lovely etc. As if I was a 6yo with SN. I was genuinely embarrassed.

Broken1Girl · 26/03/2016 01:37

And yes, I hate it when people use your name every ten seconds. Ugh.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 26/03/2016 01:46

Thirty years ago when I worked in a supermarket we were told to look at the name on a cheque and say "Thank you Mr/Mrs ". At the time that felt over familiar to me. A few years later my gran was complaining that the nurses in hospital were referring to her as Mary rather than Mrs Jones. They didn't know her and hadn't asked.
I would far rather be spoken to politely and kindly as opposed to someone I don't know using my name (fore or surname) as a marketing exercise.
A smile, please and thank you is far more effective than artificial chumminess.
*names changed obviously

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/03/2016 06:30

"As if I was a 6 year old with SN" Shock

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 26/03/2016 06:36

Slightly off topic but I find it funny in places like mcdonalds ( cough ) that they say " sorry about your wait "
And it can translate as "sorry about your weight " yeah me too Grin

Back to op, my bank have always called me "miss rabbit".....
Would find it strange if they used first name. Actually don't know why I would find it strange but I would.

Lighteningirll · 26/03/2016 06:58

You are not alone I really dislike it when some one trying to sell me something/book something/respond to a complaint overuse my first name (usually shortening it as well) when someone says do you mind if I call you Jane I usually respond I prefer Kitten thank you. It's a petty triumph but it amuses me listening them try to remember to swop Jane for kitten when talking to a full grown woman.

AugustaFinkNottle · 26/03/2016 07:06

I don't want total strangers to use my first name the first time they meet or speak to me. Nor do I really want people I dislike to do so. There's someone I have to deal with for work purposes who is, frankly, a slimy toad and he always emails me as "Dear Augusta". I always reply to him as "Dear Mr Surname".

bakingaddict · 26/03/2016 07:23

Life is too short to get worked up over whether people call me by my first name or surname. My MIL is Chineses and expects younger people to refer to her as Aunty. My DS called her by her first name once and you'd have thought the world had stopped turning by her reaction

FishWithABicycle · 26/03/2016 07:46

My bank (natwest) always call me Dr Jones* as soon as they have my ID details on screen.

  • not my real name
FishWithABicycle · 26/03/2016 07:48

Sorry pressed post too soon...

I agree with you OP - I feel more comfortable with formal terms of address when talking to strangers.

Shambalaa · 26/03/2016 07:52

I wouldn't mind at all of it was a one off and we were face to face, she's probably just a familiar kind of person.

What pisses me off is when I phone a company (orange I'm looking at you) and they take my full name, Shambalaa Smith. They then ask me if it's ok to call me Shambalaa.... It's rude and they are giving me the choice of either sounding like a prick (No, it's not ok) or feeling uncomfortable over familiarity is being forced on me Hmm

I wonder if they do it to re balance the power so you don't feel so in charge?

Quick question, do you refer to DC's teacher by first name?

Notso · 26/03/2016 08:11

I'm happy to be called Mrs Surname or just plain Notso. Both are me.
The frequency of use is incredibly false and really grates though I agree.

What I hate is introducing myself as my name which is a common nn for a longer name say for example Kate.
Hi I'm Kate
Other person Hi Katie
It's just Kate
Oh sorry Kate
so Katie I'm just going to ask a couple of questions.
Hmm