Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To be seriously pissed off at "best friend"

129 replies

peacelily7 · 25/03/2016 10:56

So me and DP are hopefully getting married next year in Cyprus.

So I told my "best friend" / "maid of honour" that guests would be staying for the first week and the second would be classed as our honeymoon.

The whole reasons were getting married abroad in the first place is so we don't have to entertain people we don't really enjoy being with/know 100%.

She dropped the bombshell the other day and my wishes mean nothing to her. Turns out she's gonna be staying the whole 2 weeks in a room close to ours () and she's also invited her parents, sister and partner of about 5 months.

I like her family but not even all our parents will be definitely there.

I don't want her there for the whole 2 week and I don't want her family there!

I mean the planning process is in very early days so nothing is set in stone as of yet but am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off??

Rant over

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 25/03/2016 14:10

I wonder how seriously pissed off with best friend the aforementioned friend will be with her best friend?

Inertia · 25/03/2016 14:11

If you want a private honeymoon on your own, then don't have a wedding abroad that other people are invited to! Guests are effectively having to spend their family holiday time and money on your wedding- you don't then get to dictate how long they are allowed to stay, unless of course you are paying flight and hotel costs for all of your guests?

On the other hand, your friend can't invite her family to your actual wedding ceremony. Nothing to stop them joining her for a holiday though. If you want exclusive use of a hotel, pay for for exclusive hire of a hotel.

saltlakecity · 25/03/2016 14:17

Yabu. You can't dictate that people can come to your wedding and can only stay a certain amount of days. They will be forking out hundreds to come to your wedding. Selfish for you to then say they have to bugger off home.

You don't have to invite her family to the actual wedding. That is your decision.

m0therofdragons · 25/03/2016 14:24

Wow just get over yourself. If I'd paid for flights, accommodation and used annual leave for your wedding I'd think I could decide if I wanted to stay longer and make it my annual family holiday. Sounds like a great idea but you sound controlling. It's true that you are not a good best friend.

CatThiefKeith · 25/03/2016 14:35

Where are you staying? Is the wedding at the hotel? If so, they often upgrade you free of charge on arrival, so chances are you won't be near them.

Does the hotel have a wedding planner? Or are you employing one? If so, tip them off and they can probably arrange you to change rooms. Ime most of the wedding co-ordinators in Cyprus, if not already attached to a hotel, have a good relationship with them.

I have experience with this, and a good friend is a guests relations manager in a resort in Cyprus. I also know a wedding planner there. Feel free to pm me.

As to whether or not YABU, yes, you are a bit I am afraid. There is plenty to do your second week to keep out of their way though, and depending on the resort/hotel you should be able to change your room and pass it off as an upgrade.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 25/03/2016 14:39

Or you could just pay for her hotel and flights so then you can decide when she goes home and she can afford a proper holiday later.

I really hate the idea of abroad weddings where the couple effectively pass on the costs to their guests.

lanbro · 25/03/2016 14:48

You have to invite her dp. It might be 'only 5 months' to you but could be her future dh. DH and I were engaged 4 months into our relationship and we went to lots of weddings together!

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 25/03/2016 14:49

You could put in the invites:

"Thanks for schlepping your family all this way, using all your annual leave and spending all this money to come to my wedding in a country which I've chosen and you might not even give two shits about visiting. Once its over though, please GTFO of Cyprus because I don't want to share it with anyone"

Floggingmolly · 25/03/2016 14:50

And it'll have been a lot longer than 5 months when the date for this wedding is finally set sometime next year... How rude and dismissive is that.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/03/2016 14:51

Sorry to be blunt, but maybe "your wishes" do mean nothing to her, and They don't have to either.
I'm sorry but you can't dicate. How long she stays in the country for. You don't own it.

SerenityReynolds · 25/03/2016 14:54

I can see why you don't want them there while you're on your honeymoon. But if you're asking people to fork out for travel and accommodation abroad for your wedding, why shouldn't they make the most of the cost of the flights and stay a bit longer? This is the exact reason we didn't get married abroad - we didn't want all our guests on our honeymoon!

RaspberryOverload · 25/03/2016 14:58

The only bit where I can see the MOH might be unreasonable, is if she has indeed told her family they'll be coming to the wedding.

Otherwise I agree with pp; that she and her family can holiday there as they like.

Sadmother · 25/03/2016 15:00

Just book her flights/ hotel for the week you are getting married. She may decide it will cost too much to change the dates to stay on for two weeks.
Unless, of course, YOU are not paying for the flights/hotel, in which case you are incredibly rude and you actually get no say in how long she stays.

pictish · 25/03/2016 15:11

Yeah sorry OP but I agree with most other posters...yabu. She is killing two birds with one stone in that if she's got to pay out big to fly out for a week long wedding in bloody Cyprus for you, she'll make the most of it and extend into being her own holiday too.
To have anyone take annual leave and spend out to attend your wedding abroad is a big ask. Remember that.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 25/03/2016 15:15

You can't tell anyone how long they can come for.

You can't dictate who people choose to bring with them.

You're asking people to take their summer holiday at a place of your choosing, at a time of your choosing. You cannot also dictate whether or not they bring their loved ones with them. Not if you give a damn about their happiness. It's not all about the bride. It's never all about the bride. You have to go on thinking about other people and being a good friend, same as always. Otherwise everyone will fall out with you and you'll have no friends left to watch you get married! There's no excuse for behaving like a brat.

If you want time on your own, go somewhere else for the second week.

PurpleDaisies · 25/03/2016 15:17

Could you clarify the situation with the rooms and the hotel? Are they booked or aren't they? You say nothing's set in stone but that doesn't fit with your best friend having the room next door to you. I'm confused.

WilburIsSomePig · 25/03/2016 15:18

The whole reasons were getting married abroad in the first place is so we don't have to entertain people we don't really enjoy being with/know 100%

So only invite people to your wedding that you actually know and want there. Job done.

Damselindestress · 25/03/2016 15:30

YABU. If you insist on having a destination wedding, people will probably have to blow their budget for a holiday that year on attending so, having paid for her flights and other expenses anyway, she might want to make the most of it by staying longer and inviting family. You only get a say in her stay if you pay. You don't own the resort. Obviously you don't have to invite her family to the wedding but you can't control whether they share the rest of her holiday, in which your wedding is just one event. Consider that being a MOH can be hard work and that having a destination wedding is a big imposition and inconvenience for your loved ones, who might feel emotionally obligated to attend even though it's a big expense. Basically give her a break. If you are best friends do you really want to fall out over this? Just politely point out that you will want privacy and not be able to spend time together in the second week.

AllOfTheWinePlease · 25/03/2016 15:30

YABU to be 'royally pissed off' - overreaction for what's likely a misunderstanding.

MOH is BU if she has actually invited random folk to your wedding, but who does that - most likely some wires have been crossed!

Surely you'll be booking the flights anyway for those invited, so just don't book flights for the random family members? Then if they decide to go on holiday, fair game, but it's not like you have to invite them to the actual day! And if you're not paying for these people to get to your destination wedding, then you are most certainly BU to dictate how long they spend on holiday...

Damselindestress · 25/03/2016 15:31

If you haven't booked yet consider switching to a different hotel for the second week.

louisejxxx · 25/03/2016 15:32

Yabu...If I was forking out to go abroad for someone's wedding, I'd stay as bloody long as I liked.

lorelei9here · 25/03/2016 15:49

OP "The whole reasons were getting married abroad in the first place is so we don't have to entertain people we don't really enjoy being with/know 100%."

I don't really get this either. Is it a case of trying to deliberately ditch some relatives who can't travel or something?

otherwise you could have a small wedding in the UK and no one among your guests would have to fork out for travel or have the inconvenience of it.

BloodyHell33 · 25/03/2016 17:00

i wouldn't DREAM of gate crashing my friends honeymoon. How fucking cringey is that?!

I'm with you OP, I'd be so pissed off!!!!

bigtapdancingpimp · 25/03/2016 17:35

Have you actually booked your wedding OP? You said 'hopefully'?

You need to get your wedding booked and confirmed before you can book the accommodation/hotel. How do you know your friend will be staying in a room close to yours?

PrivatePike · 25/03/2016 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread