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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be seriously pissed off at "best friend"

129 replies

peacelily7 · 25/03/2016 10:56

So me and DP are hopefully getting married next year in Cyprus.

So I told my "best friend" / "maid of honour" that guests would be staying for the first week and the second would be classed as our honeymoon.

The whole reasons were getting married abroad in the first place is so we don't have to entertain people we don't really enjoy being with/know 100%.

She dropped the bombshell the other day and my wishes mean nothing to her. Turns out she's gonna be staying the whole 2 weeks in a room close to ours () and she's also invited her parents, sister and partner of about 5 months.

I like her family but not even all our parents will be definitely there.

I don't want her there for the whole 2 week and I don't want her family there!

I mean the planning process is in very early days so nothing is set in stone as of yet but am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off??

Rant over

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 25/03/2016 12:11

How can you know what rooms you have when you haven't booked it?

Is it a cruise? You can do that on cruises, book certain rooms/decks next to each other if they're free, but like, um, you have to hand over money to secure it.

ClarenceTheLion · 25/03/2016 12:11

I guess I'm in the minority, but I can totally see why you'd be upset. It would be hard to have that cocoon-like 'just you and me' honeymoon if you know you'll probably bump into your BF's sister at the breakfast buffet every morning!

Perhaps if you are still set on marrying at this hotel, you could move elsewhere for the second week, somewhere more luxurious? I don't think you should put your friends out, they're already doing you a favour by coming to a wedding abroad. (And that really is a favour! An enforced holiday in a location you didn't choose. I've done that twice and I don't blame someone for wanting to make the best of it.)

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 25/03/2016 12:11

As a PP said, how come you know the room no, when this isn't even sorted yet? More unanswered questions here than Question Time with a politician!

TheCrumpettyTree · 25/03/2016 12:12

So were you expecting her to spend the first week on her own?

Floggingmolly · 25/03/2016 12:12

How much worse it would be if it was a cruise; expecting half the guests to disembark halfway through so op can honeymoon in peace...

JuxtapositionRecords · 25/03/2016 12:15

Have you said anything to her instead of ranting on here?

The hotel won't have allocated rooms this far in advance so I think you are overreacting that they will be right next to you.

TeenAndTween · 25/03/2016 12:19

I think you are being a bit daft.

Have a small wedding in UK with only the "people you enjoy being with / know 100%".
Then go on honeymoon to Cyprus (or wherever).

Surely it's a win-win?

You win:
No one gate crashing your honeymoon, but only the people you want at your wedding.

Everyone else wins:
No need to fork out loads of money and holiday leave just for someone else's wedding.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 25/03/2016 12:24

What would I do -
Well first, I'd make sure I booked a different room/hotel away from her for the second week, and not tell her where that is.
Second, I'd tell her that of course she's entitled to invite whomever she wants out to Cyprus on her holiday, but she is not entitled to invite them to YOUR wedding. When it's HER wedding, and she's paying for it all, then she can invite anyone she likes - but this is YOUR wedding.
If she gets the hump, explain that there are plenty of sightseeing things that her extended family can fuck off and do on YOUR wedding day, they don't need to hang around the hotel.

After that, it's up to you. So YABU a bit about her family coming out to Cyprus, but YANBU if she's invited them along to your wedding, and YWNBU to find somewhere else to go for the second week.

wallywobbles · 25/03/2016 12:45

Change the destination or hotel now. But explain to friend that her family is not invited to the wedding.

BoneyBackJefferson · 25/03/2016 12:54

As you are not going to entertain them, what are you expecting your "guests" to do for the entire first week?

diddl · 25/03/2016 12:55

It really, really didn't occur to you that others might also stay for two weeks?

"So I told my "best friend" / "maid of honour" that guests would be staying for the first week and the second would be classed as our honeymoon"

I mean really, you can't tell them how long to stay for!

Writerwannabe83 · 25/03/2016 12:57

Having read the full thread so apologies if anything I say is no longer relevant but based on your original post YABVU!

You expect her to pay out all this money to go to another country to attend your wedding and then you think you have the right to tell her when to go home??

Jesus.

As has been said before, maybe she can only afford one holiday abroad a year and your wedding is taking it up and so of course she should be allowed to be there for 2 weeks.

BlueCheeseandcrackers · 25/03/2016 13:04

I don't think you can expect your BF to shell out of flights, hotel etc for your wedding and then dictate how long they can stay for. If you don't want them to stay longer you should consider changing your hotel for the honeymoon.

AugustaFinkNottle · 25/03/2016 13:06

The whole reasons were getting married abroad in the first place is so we don't have to entertain people we don't really enjoy being with/know 100%.

I don't get this. What is to stop you having a small wedding in the UK to which you only invite the people you want? The trouble with getting married abroad is that the people you want to be there may well decide that they have better things to use their holiday up on and spend their money on. And why do you want guests to stay for a whole week, but only the week beforehand? If it fitted in better for their plans to come the day before and stay a week after, is that allowed?

RJnomore1 · 25/03/2016 13:13

Room next yours I could understand being s bit much op!

rollonthesummer · 25/03/2016 13:14

How do you know it's the room next door to yours when it hasn't been booked yet?!

TheCrumpettyTree · 25/03/2016 13:33

I don't think you quite understand that weddings, abroad or in the uk have invitations. Unless you get married in a church where legally anyone can turn up and watch the ceremony, only people you want to be there, will be there.

Catvsworld · 25/03/2016 13:38

Sorry but it's a lot of money to go away for someone's wedding and it may be cheaper for them to do it this way rather than have two holidays have one long one

Also you have no clue about the time she allowed to book off

Rafflesway · 25/03/2016 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rollonthesummer · 25/03/2016 13:49

The whole reasons were getting married abroad in the first place is so we don't have to entertain people we don't really enjoy being with/know 100%

I think you should elope!

Floggingmolly · 25/03/2016 13:55

If she keeps on the way she's going there's a distinct possibility that no one will accept the invitation anyway.
Imagine being told that spending the week before the wedding is compulsory (what on earth for?? Dancing attendance on the bride? ). But the week after is The Honeymoon, so all must vacate the premises immediately.
Doesn't sound like an irresistible way of spending my annual leave to me.

Nutgirl · 25/03/2016 13:55

Sorry I have to add to this as well. YABVU. It is a lot to ask people to come your wedding abroad - it puts a lot of pressure on people to find the money and time to do it. (I know this because DH's sister is getting married in Italy this June and she only told us in Feb. No time to save up, massive load of stress!) If she is going to the expense and hassle of going to Cyprus for your wedding then she is obviously wanting to make a proper holiday out of it and so has invited her family along and they want to stay for two weeks. They surely don't have to come to the wedding - you invite who you want to that. But the wedding will be just one day of her two week holiday, and I think it's quite reasonable for her to want to spend that holiday with her partner and family. You cannot dictate what she can and cannot do. Just makes you look like a spoilt brat!

leopardgecko · 25/03/2016 14:01

Have you the hotel's permission to tell potential guests that they are not allowed to stay there the second week?

Why do you think the fact you are getting married entitles you to tell other people where and when they should have their own holidays?

Why does getting married entitle you to tell your friend she cannot holiday with her own family?

Are you always such a control freak?

LardLizard · 25/03/2016 14:02

Wow people like you scare me

LittleGreyBear · 25/03/2016 14:03

I can see why you're annoyed... but I guess that's the risk you take with a wedding abroad. I think your only option is to book a different hotel for the second week if it's going to ruin your honeymoon.

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