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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be seriously pissed off at "best friend"

129 replies

peacelily7 · 25/03/2016 10:56

So me and DP are hopefully getting married next year in Cyprus.

So I told my "best friend" / "maid of honour" that guests would be staying for the first week and the second would be classed as our honeymoon.

The whole reasons were getting married abroad in the first place is so we don't have to entertain people we don't really enjoy being with/know 100%.

She dropped the bombshell the other day and my wishes mean nothing to her. Turns out she's gonna be staying the whole 2 weeks in a room close to ours (Confused) and she's also invited her parents, sister and partner of about 5 months.

I like her family but not even all our parents will be definitely there.

I don't want her there for the whole 2 week and I don't want her family there!

I mean the planning process is in very early days so nothing is set in stone as of yet but am I being unreasonable to be royally pissed off??

Rant over

OP posts:
BolshierAryaStark · 25/03/2016 11:07

Unless you're paying for her you don't get to dictate how long she stays, sorry, it's a hotel-anyone can book to stay as long as they like.
If you want a private 2nd week I suggest you book a villa then no-one can join you.

ClashCityRocker · 25/03/2016 11:07

So she's kind enough to pay to go to Cyprus for your wedding, taking time off from work etc and you're pissed because she wants to stay longer and make the most of it?

You're being totally unreasonable, I'm afraid. Just explain to her that the second week is your honeymoon so you won't be able to spend time with her. It's no biggie.

Original poster
peacelily7 · 25/03/2016 11:07

Yes this is what I'm saying apparently she's told them and they're booking it so come to the wedding!

OP posts:
GabiSolis · 25/03/2016 11:07

Gosh you must realise YABU, surely? You can't possibly think you can dictate how a whole family spend a week!

If this bothers you that much then book to stay elsewhere for the second week.

RJnomore1 · 25/03/2016 11:07

I reckon they had a family holiday planned for this year and can't afford two separate holidays - it's much cheaper to add a week on.

You can't really dictate who stays at the hotel, and if it's really your best friend - I see you are using quotation marks - is it that big a deal? You don't need to see them the second week, they will surely be wAnting to do family things and leave you to it but isn't it nice to see a familiar face occasionally? What are you planning that requires such privacy outside your bedroom? humping on the breakfast buffet table?

lorelei9here · 25/03/2016 11:08

YABU
sort of

I mean, you get married abroad, if someone wants to extend that time, why shouldn't they?

but you do have to suck it up in terms of saying hi to them when you see them around. She probably does realise you want to keep yourselves to yourselves on honeymoon and I'm sure there is no expectation of you entertaining her or her rellies. have you talked to her about that?

But I can totally see why she's turned it into a suitable holiday for her, why wouldn't she?

tomatoIzzy · 25/03/2016 11:08

Perhaps she had to forgo her family holiday this year, in order to go to your wedding. So she's combining the two. It sounds like she'll be busy with all those people so she won't bother you for your honeymoon week anyway.

You could ask her to go for the week before the wedding and then stay for the wedding week. You are being a bit rude to say that someone can stay for a whole week for you but then has to bugger off to suit your needs as well. A wedding is just a day, surely when someone is forking out to go abroad for a week for someone else's big day, it's a bit too much to start dictating how they should spend the rest of their time.

Trills · 25/03/2016 11:08

Let this be used as a lesson for those contemplating destination weddings.

If you organise a wedding abroad, people may not come.

They may also decide that's a lovely place, if I have to go there I'll make the most of it and choose to stay there longer, or have friends and family also holiday there.

SauvignonBlanche · 25/03/2016 11:09

YABU.
Have you really not invited your MOH's partner?

scarlets · 25/03/2016 11:09

I dint think that either of you is BU. In your position though, I'd have the second week on a different part of the island, or in Greece/Turkey. You might get bored with 2 weeks in the same resort anyway, and it actually might be quite nice to separate "wedding week" from "honeymoon week".

TheWitTank · 25/03/2016 11:09

YABU.
You have invited her to an expensive wedding. She has to pay for tickets, hotel, spending money etc. Extending the stay to make it a better value holiday is a good idea -you cannot dictate what your guests do with their time after your wedding day (which is just one day). I expect she will want to spend the next week with her family anyway do won't want to hang around with you.

ClashCityRocker · 25/03/2016 11:10

I don't think ywbu to point out that her parents aren't invited to the wedding though.

BoGrainger · 25/03/2016 11:10

Lol at inviting people to your wedding that you apparently don't want to spend time with!
You need to tell your friend pretty sharpish that the whole thing's off before she books all those tickets. Then find somewhere else and rethink your demands.

Trills · 25/03/2016 11:10

If she has told her friends and family that they are "coming to the wedding" than of course you can be pissed off.

But I doubt that's the case.

ClopySow · 25/03/2016 11:11

Ok. I take it back. I didn't realise she'd invited her family to the wedding. Yanbu about that bit, but yabu about the rest of it.

Floggingmolly · 25/03/2016 11:11

They're not coming to the wedding or you'd have expressed your outrage in your first op... Stop drip feeding silly nonsense because you can't accept you're bu.

BoGrainger · 25/03/2016 11:12

Also why do you want to spend a whole week before with people you don't 'know'? Sounds bonkers

FullMoonDiva · 25/03/2016 11:13

Just tell her that her parents and friend isn't invited to the wedding and wish her a happy holiday for the second week pointing out that you probably won't see her much. Which part of the island are you staying at? Have you thought about spending the second week in a different part? Lovely place Cyprus I used to live there so biased Grin

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 25/03/2016 11:15

You cannot possibly be for real. I refuse to believe anyone can be this stupid.

Original poster
peacelily7 · 25/03/2016 11:15

Fair enough, see your point

Not even planned and I'm turning bridezilla

Yea she has told her family they're coming

Okay so advice because it's my first (only hopefully only) wedding and I've no idea what to do.

Say they can stay for however long they want (or just not mention anything on invites) and best friend okay to stay in the room next to ours with her boyfriend?

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 25/03/2016 11:16

Does the hotel have a sister hotel you can swap too after?

LondonKiwiMummy · 25/03/2016 11:16

I think YABU. Destination weddings cost a fortune and suck up lots of annual leave. It's reasonable for her to make the most of it. I definitely don't think they need to come to the wedding.

YouSay · 25/03/2016 11:17

I don't believe she has invited them to the actual wedding either. You should have invited her partner as it is a destination wedding. I don't blame her for wanting company. Just book another hotel for the second week - problem solved.

Trills · 25/03/2016 11:18

Her family are NOT coming to the wedding - you should make that very clear.

How much have you booked?

If I were you I would definitely think about switching to a different hotel afterwards.

YouSay · 25/03/2016 11:19

Drip drip drip - now it is the room next door to yours...strange for a hotel to give a room number when booking.