AIBU to ask for her to pay?

[Skala123]

I have a friend with the same age DD as my DS. We are close friends. We occasionally help each other out by having the kids.
Recently she asked me to have her DD and on that day I had planned to take DS for a day out to a place with a pretty hefty entrance fee. I said of course I'd have her but could I have the entrance money and a packed lunch. I have been absolutely vilified! Who is being U?

Agree. If I'm taking my child and that in itself would cost me £15, plus admission for me, let's assume the addition cost is at least the same.

Add on another £15 and then travel on top means that a day out you've planned to cost £30 is is now nearer £50

yoir sister is rude and ungrateful love.

I wouldn't have asked my sister to pay actually, I would have just treated my niece same as I was treating my own DC but that is just how our family relationship works - depends what you can afford obviously and whether there is a history of helping each other out, having each other's kids round, buying little treats for your nieces and nephews etc. My sister may well have offered if it was a big enough expense but thinking about times one of us has taken them to the cinema or something I think whoever takes them just paid for it.But that is just how we do things and all families are different.

If it was a friend though I would have expected the friend to pay unless I specifically said it was my treat, so it is different.

But regardless of that, she is being unreasonable to complain - you are entitled to ask for the money if you need it. And she is very unreasonable to badmouth you to other people. No need for that at all.

Ok....and do your views change if this friend is actually my sister??
Yes they do, I would treat my DN like my immediate family.

Any normal person would offer to cover the entrance at least...

I don't think it matters whether its a friend or a sister. Who doesn't offer to send money if someone is doing you a favour when you already had a day out planned that their DC would be crashing that is expensive? Its basic manners.
Treating your niece should be done on your terms by your invitation not imposed. Personally, I actually wouldn't be able to afford another entrance fee and food and am surprised people can't comprehend that its not possible to pull an extra £15 out of your arse and that its a lot to save up in the first place. Yanbu

Thanks all. Looks like IANBU which is as I thought! It appears the rest of my family doesn't agree but hey ho! What's another fall out...

Are you cast in the villain role often????

YANBU. You were already doing her a favour by offering unpaid childcare, why should you be left out of pocket by paying the entrance fee for her child or be expected to drop everything and cancel your planned activity?

I can't see why she throws the fact that she used to provide paid childcare for you back in your face? Surely if she's going to compare the two situations that means she should be paying you!

I wouldn't help her with or use her for childcare in the future if she is going to slag you off. You don't want that kind of negativity around your DC and certainly don't want to do any favours for someone who would treat you that way!

I'd be half tempted to say 'fine, I'll look after her. my rate is £x per hour'

Hmm.. I think it all comes down to whether you need the £10 - £15. Personally I would be happy to provide lunch for my niece if I were looking after her for a day and wouldn't dream of asking my sister to send her with a packed lunch!

So you're really then talking about around £10 for the entrance fee. Again, I would definitely not ask my sister for this money but I think it would not be unreasonable to do so if you really can't afford to treat your niece. If you can afford £10, however, it does seem a little bit mean to ask your sister for it.

On the other hand, if the situations were reversed my sister asked me for the money I certainly wouldn't make a big deal of it and I would happily pay up. I might have a bit of a with my family about being asked to send a packed lunch though..!

So you were both being a bit unreasonable IMHO

If someone was going to take my DC on a day out that is child orientated and I only had to pay their entrance fee and provided pack lunch I would bite your hand off. Talk about a result all around!!!

Sounds like your DSis is the golden child and you are the scapegoat a fair bit in your family...

I'm the typical middle child - totally different to my sisters and considered slightly odd by my family I think! If we didn't look so alike i would doubt we were related! (Joke!)