AIBU to ask for her to pay?

[Skala123]

I have a friend with the same age DD as my DS. We are close friends. We occasionally help each other out by having the kids.
Recently she asked me to have her DD and on that day I had planned to take DS for a day out to a place with a pretty hefty entrance fee. I said of course I'd have her but could I have the entrance money and a packed lunch. I have been absolutely vilified! Who is being U?

If I invited, or agreed to look after child THEN decided to take them out, definitely my treat.

If I was already going somewhere and it was expensive, other child's parent should pay. If it was cheap enough (for me,

Villified by whom? Your friend?

I would say not at all unreasonable to ask for entrance fee but possibly a bit OTT to ask for a packed lunch - I would just pack a bit extra in our picnic for another child. If said child has a particularly limited diet it might be different I suppose.

It's very simple. You invite them: you pay. They ask you to take them as a favour: they pay.
Anyone who doesn't either know it already or argues when told is a wanker.

With the proviso that she hasn't paid for your child in an equal-ish amount and if you're talking amusement park expensive then YANBU. But if it's just to the movies I probably would pay for the child unless I was skint.

If the problem is that she's skint and can't afford it I'd waffle between telling her that I couldn't watch her child that day and rescheduling the trip for the next day (assuming that's possible).

I think she's very rude to go trumpeting around that you won't pay for her child unless you're a gazillionaire and could easily afford it.

I wonder if she was expecting you to look after her DD at home - so obviously no entry fees - and was taken aback by the notion that you'd only be looking after her DD if she paid for her DD to go to day out place?

But if she's asked you to have her DD, rather than you offering to take her DD to (attraction), then I think it's reasonable to ask her to pay for her DD.

As everyone else says, devil in the detail.

Friend: Could you look after X on Monday?
You: No problem, happy to but on that day we're off to Attraction - can't change teh date unfortunately and can't afford to pay an extra so would you be able to cover the entrance fees and send a packed lunch?

doesn't sound unreasonable. But if a) she's paid for your DC on similar in the past b) she's had your DD much more than you have hers c) it was all arranged ages ago and now you're moving the goalposts d) you could go another day and avoid the situation entirely
then I would say YABalittlebitU.
But then I don't think I know anyone who would "vilify" me!

The last time she had my DS she asked for the money hence I went on this setting the trend. She is far from skint and makes that very clear

When you pointed out that she had initiated this practice, what did she say?

I probably would have stretched to a packed lunch for her kid but she's being a cheeky mare about the entrance fee so you're not being unreasonable about that - unless, as PPs have pointed out, she has stumped up similarly for your child historically.

She denied it and said I must have offered it

If I invite a child I pay and only ever ask for a parent to send a packed lunch if they have allergies I can't cater for.

Because she asked you for a favour and you have plans she has to either a) find someone else or b) pay the entrance fee.

I'm with you though OP.

How did the conversation go when you agreed to have him?

How much is the entrance?

Yanbu at all, cheeky mare, you had every right to ask her for money, especially as she asked you to have her dd and asked you for money when looking after your child. I would drop her like a hot potato, she is no friend.

What exactly did she say, then, OP? You asked for money, she says "What a blardy cheek, how can you ask me to pay, I can't believe it!' and you say "But last time you went to X with DS I gave you the entrance fee." And then what?

She denied it and said I must have offered it

She is far from skint and makes that very clear

I'd dump her arse, frankly. She doesn't sound nice

She doesn't sound very nice, no.

But I think your packed lunch request was a bit much.

I don't know, I think on this occasion the best thing would have been to tell her you had plans on that day.

Whether you offered or not, she accepted the money for the entrance so she still has no moral high ground.

Anyway, you just say "Sorry X, I can't afford the extra so if you'd like me to have DD then you'll need to give me £XX."

'The last time she had my DS she asked for the money hence I went on this setting the trend. '

Then YANBU. Who is she villifying you to? I'd drop her, tbh.

Ok please stop drip feeding and tell us how the conversation went!

Did she know you was going to this place when she asked?
Did you say "yes of course I can look after your Dd but we are going to legoland that day. If still want me to have her would you mind paying the cost for her to go in?"

Give us some more details so we can decide if you are being unreasonable

But how much is your activity?

Spill the beans.

She denied it and said I must have offered it

In which case, why is she not offering?

Even if you did offer it, she took it, didn't she? She didn't pay for your kid?
Cheeky mare.

Has she vilified you on Facebook yet?