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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

selfish wife

89 replies

Spendysusan · 22/03/2016 12:20

I've just had a huge row with my husband about the car as he thinks I'm selfish but I don't .... But I'm going to think that as I'm not going to back down ( mature individual that I am Wink)
So now I'm thinking maybe I am selfish so I'll bore you all with the details and let you decide .

I was bought a car for Christmas to replace my other car as it was too small for family , I love new bigger car but it's my husbands choice as its his favourite car so obvs he drives it when he can which never happened with old small car . Not a problem as we are generally together on errands etc .
He has a big fancy van that's very comfortable that he uses for work and we use when we go out with all the kids (5 kids ) so I've been in long journeys in it and it's lovely .
Anyway yesterday I had a hair appt booked after having to cancel 2 times already (due to him)so greys down to my ears so was really looking forward to it and he promised to have kids also eldest was at football until 2 and needed dropping and picking up .
Get a phonecall Sunday to say he's going to London cancel my appt. as he needs the car . Point out eldest needs picking up says he will get a member of staff to pick him up ( owns own business but I don't think it's fair to get a bloke who is nice but son does not know to pick him up and to be honest isn't employed as a nanny )
So I say I'll take the kids to the hairdressers and he can take the van that way I can pick eldest up and get my hair done and he goes to London ( non urgent , could have been done over phone )
He says I'm selfish for not giving him the car and not cancelling my appt .
I'm not insured on the van even though I have said several times it would save arguments and I have to take a 7 mth old and 2 year old and buggys etc so pain in arse to get cabs .
But I do feel a bit petty as its hair and not a major thing but it's the only time I could fit it in and have cancelled already and I wanted to get eldest as they have a presentation at the end for parents to watch .

And I really really wanted my greys done .

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 22/03/2016 12:22

Your husband is an arse.

leelu66 · 22/03/2016 12:23

YANBU.

Why are his appointments more important than yours?

Tell him he's selfish for asking you to cancel the hair appointment you had to cancel twice before because of him.

Do you think he is trying to keep you grey? Confused

honeysucklejasmine · 22/03/2016 12:23

A better title for this thread would be "twatty husband".

Tell him to fuck off.

theredjellybean · 22/03/2016 12:24

yanbu, its your car ! your chrissy present.....he has his van which he wont insure you on ....he can jolly well drive that to london.

MartinaJ · 22/03/2016 12:25

Why doesn't he take the van? If he doesn't want to take, he should put you on his insurance. Or, if he can get one of his employees to pick up your son, why doesn't he instead get him to drive you over, pick up your son and get you to the hairdressers? If he considers his employees his family private chauffeurs, then he needs to be thorough about it.

OTheHugeManatee · 22/03/2016 12:38

YANBU. He is an arse. HTH Smile

shinynewusername · 22/03/2016 12:54

Side issue, but, if he is getting his employee to collect your DS on his paid time (as opposed to after work as a favour if the employee is also a friend), he is putting the employee in a very difficult position and probably violating the terms of the employee's car insurance so that neither your DS nor the driver would be covered in an accident.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/03/2016 12:57

"I had a hair appt booked after having to cancel 2 times already (due to him) ... Get a phonecall Sunday to say he's going to London cancel my appt. as he needs the car ." And his trip is "non urgent , could have been done over phone"

Fucking hell woman, there is certainly selfishness on show here, but not by you!

arethereanyleftatall · 22/03/2016 13:01

What is he going to London for?

deliciousdevilwoman · 22/03/2016 13:05

Don't you DARE back down! He takes the van-you take the car and keep your hair appointment.

BadDoGooder · 22/03/2016 13:05

No no no op you are not the selfish one!
Your H is completely unreasonable.
I know it's only hair, but if he can use the van, why on earth would he demand you give up your car?

Selfish git would get a piece of my mind!

Arfarfanarf · 22/03/2016 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spanky2 · 22/03/2016 13:08

You aren't being selfish. Why can't he take the van. It's a work appointment . You arranged the appointment before his do you get dibs on the car. Which is yours.

FayKorgasm · 22/03/2016 13:10

He is being incredibly selfish and self centered.

Littletabbyocelot · 22/03/2016 13:11

Joining the 'you're not selfish' chorus. Stand your ground & enjoy your haircut.

gamerchick · 22/03/2016 13:14

It's your car, get the twat told!

BertPuttocks · 22/03/2016 13:15

Remind him that you're not one of his employees and neither were you put on this earth to serve him.

You were booked in first.

RidersOnTheStorm · 22/03/2016 13:17

YANBU. Agree he's an arse.

NoSquirrels · 22/03/2016 13:19

Your DH is the issue, not you.

You had pre-booked appt and agreement on who was sorting out the DC. he broke it. His stuff doesn't just trump yours because he says so - who does he think he is? Pffft.

lalaloopyhead · 22/03/2016 13:20

Not in the least bit selfish! So what if it is 'only' for a hair appointment. I would say if he is that desperate for the car then he should get you insured on the van as well.

He is the one being incredibly selfish, expecting you and the kids to rearrange everything (picked up by a member of staff??) just so that he can use a car that he doesn't actually need to use!!

Chocolatteaddict1 · 22/03/2016 13:24

Aw he bought himself s new car and lends it to you.

Your Dh is getting too big for his boot - my Dh sometimes forgets I'm his wife and not his employee untill I not so subtly tell him to 'fuck off'.

Don't cancel another appointment on his orders again !

honeylulu · 22/03/2016 13:34

So ... your husband has access to two vehicles (plus can send his staff on personal errands Hmm) but wants you to cancel your plans (for his subsequent ones) because he fancies using the only vehicle you have access to. Is that about the size of it?
Raaaahhh! My father used to behave like this and it made me seethe. Don't pander to it like my mother did. Just Say No.

VerySlovenly · 22/03/2016 13:38

Gasp. He won't use his van but wants to use YOUR car that he's calling THE car? Angry
Don't back down, please!!!

scandichick · 22/03/2016 13:39

In addition to what's been said above, I would be massively unimpressed with being dispatched to pick up my boss's child... not a good staff retention policy.

Your husband essentially believes he should be able to order everyone around, because he fancies driving a different car. Nice.

kaitlinktm · 22/03/2016 13:41

My ex ALWAYS took my car if it was available and filled it with fag smoke. He also pranged it twice. He thought I was being selfish when I protested.

Git.

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