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AIBU?

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Original poster

selfish wife

89 replies

Spendysusan · 22/03/2016 12:20

I've just had a huge row with my husband about the car as he thinks I'm selfish but I don't .... But I'm going to think that as I'm not going to back down ( mature individual that I am Wink)
So now I'm thinking maybe I am selfish so I'll bore you all with the details and let you decide .

I was bought a car for Christmas to replace my other car as it was too small for family , I love new bigger car but it's my husbands choice as its his favourite car so obvs he drives it when he can which never happened with old small car . Not a problem as we are generally together on errands etc .
He has a big fancy van that's very comfortable that he uses for work and we use when we go out with all the kids (5 kids ) so I've been in long journeys in it and it's lovely .
Anyway yesterday I had a hair appt booked after having to cancel 2 times already (due to him)so greys down to my ears so was really looking forward to it and he promised to have kids also eldest was at football until 2 and needed dropping and picking up .
Get a phonecall Sunday to say he's going to London cancel my appt. as he needs the car . Point out eldest needs picking up says he will get a member of staff to pick him up ( owns own business but I don't think it's fair to get a bloke who is nice but son does not know to pick him up and to be honest isn't employed as a nanny )
So I say I'll take the kids to the hairdressers and he can take the van that way I can pick eldest up and get my hair done and he goes to London ( non urgent , could have been done over phone )
He says I'm selfish for not giving him the car and not cancelling my appt .
I'm not insured on the van even though I have said several times it would save arguments and I have to take a 7 mth old and 2 year old and buggys etc so pain in arse to get cabs .
But I do feel a bit petty as its hair and not a major thing but it's the only time I could fit it in and have cancelled already and I wanted to get eldest as they have a presentation at the end for parents to watch .

And I really really wanted my greys done .

OP posts:
Original poster
Spendysusan · 22/03/2016 15:30

Normally he's alright but when it comes to not getting his own way or people not dropping everything for him he gets a monk on .which Is not on but he honestly does not see he is in the wrong he really does think I'm the selfish bitch from hell .

OP posts:
memyselfandaye · 22/03/2016 15:36

You know those fucking awful "powered by fairydust" stickers and eyelashes you can get for cars? Buy some of those for YOUR car, then see if he wants to drive it. Grin

Of course you would have to drive it like that and put up with people thinking your a twat everytime you went out in it, but I think it would be worth it.

Arfarfanarf · 22/03/2016 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

xenapants · 22/03/2016 15:47

Well, with the new info he does sound like he's being a bit of a dick but I have to ask - why aren't you insured on the van? I'm not quite sure why you can't sort that out yourself, rather than waiting for his permission.

LagunaBubbles · 22/03/2016 15:48

So he bought you a car that he really wanted is that right? Not much of a"present" then really.

Cabrinha · 22/03/2016 15:52

To be fair, it's his car.
He works, he chose it and paid for it.
At best it's a "family car" - but it isn't the OPs.
She doesn't work (I'm guessing with 5 kids) so he paid for it - so it does actually belong to him.

And before you tear me a new one...

OP, that's what he thinks.
Which means, he didn't even buy you a Xmas present.

Are you the registered owner? Bet you're not.

I would do these things:

  • tell him that he ever pulls a stunt like that being rude about your hair as a dig, he can fuck off and find a divorce solicitor. I'm serious - that's outrageous.
  • tell him that you're happy to share the car, but only if you're on the van insurance so you can swap
  • cast your eye about for other shit that needs to change, bet there's loads with his attitude
  • get a bloody mobile hairdresser Grin
  • make sure the car is registered in your name
  • these trips where it's not a problem because you're going together? Start driving. Fucks me right off that so many women just default to the man driving - it just feeds into a dynamic where he thinks he owns the car, and owns you.
VerySlovenly · 22/03/2016 15:53

xenapants, it might not be that easy to put herself on the insurance. If he is the policyholder he would have to get her added, they won't do it on her request. And if she approached them or another insurance company to take out a separate policy, they may well decline based on him already having a policy covering that car.

SimpleSimonThePieMan · 22/03/2016 15:54

Sounds like he wanted to swagger about in front of the family with the flash car

Is anyone impressed by a BMW these days? Unless it's an i8 or an M car of some kind I doubt it. Tell him to take to sodding van!

Original poster
Spendysusan · 22/03/2016 15:54

I am going to look into it now but it's under the business and I think it has a maximum amount of people that can go on as a named driver , I'm going to go look for documents now as I'm sure someone can come off . He thinks I'm a shit driver so poss being precious about van even though he reversed his last car into a wall !

OP posts:
YakTriangle · 22/03/2016 15:55

If he can legally drive both vehicles and you can only drive one, then I don't get what his silly problem is, the muppet. 'Oh but I weally weally like driving THIS one.' Tough titties.

And as for saying your hair looks worse, how bloody childish!

Cabrinha · 22/03/2016 15:56

The reason OP is not insured on the van, is because she's a woman, and a woman can't drive a large vehicle like that. In his eyes. I'd put this week's pocket money on it.

Cabrinha · 22/03/2016 15:57

Oh and look - crossed posts - he thinks you're a shit driver.
Surprise surprise.

He's a total arsehole, isn't he?

SimpleSimonThePieMan · 22/03/2016 15:58

make sure the car is registered in your name

I shouldn't worry about that, it has nothing to do with ownership.

GarlicShake · 22/03/2016 15:58

What Cabrinha said.

You do appear to be married to a bit of an arse, Susan. My sympathies - and wishing you full-powered arse-kicking from now on!

Arfarfanarf · 22/03/2016 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cabrinha · 22/03/2016 16:00

I don't suggest it for any reason to do with ownership.
I suggest it because it will help OP see what kind of arse (I strongly suspect) this man is. I bet she is not the registered keeper - because in his eyes, it's not her car.
I bet £10 he'd kick up a pointless fuss about her being the registered keeper.

GooseberryRoolz · 22/03/2016 16:01

You put 5 DC in the back of a van?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2016 16:05

I thought for a seconds there you'd had a brain transplant Cabrinha. Don't scare me like that!

Cabrinha · 22/03/2016 16:06

Waaaaaaah! Sorry. Put money on being right about what he thinks though.

SimpleSimonThePieMan · 22/03/2016 16:09

Back in the day Arf I agree. When I was a kid 25 years ago they were certainly up market. These days just about anyone can own a brand new BMW/Merc/Audi on finance. When my parents drove nice BMWs and Mercs in the late 80s and early 90s it was certainly cool to be driven around in them. Before I left state education I was always the kid being dropped off in the most expensive car, blended in much better once I went private!

Original poster
Spendysusan · 22/03/2016 16:11

Cabrinha you are right it is all in his name as I am a stay at home mum . I am under no illusion that the car is mine it was defiantly a purchase for him . But he goes on to everyone that it's my car I'm happy for him to use it whenever he works hard and loves the car so use it but to either get another run around or insure me in the van . He does need to sort his behaviour out and it has escalated into a huge row now .
we have our problems but I do feel like I'm always backing down and this is a prime example .
I feel like telling him to shove the car or not using it but that would be cutting my nose off as I do need a car which is why we are rowing in the first place
But I think I might be purchasing a few things from halfords in the meantime .

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 22/03/2016 16:16

I fucking hate the phrase "runaround". A car is a car.
That aside...

Go choose the car you want, check that your family finances permit, discuss it of course because it's a large purchase - then buy it.

I suspect that you can't do that as he gets to make both the car and large purchase decisions in your house.

YakTriangle · 22/03/2016 16:17

Pink fluffy steering wheel cover and zebra print car seat cushions. Stylish. Also a line of dancing flowers and nodding dogs along the boot shelf.

Cabrinha · 22/03/2016 16:17

And no it's not in his name because you're a SAHM. It's in his name because he has decided it is his.

memyselfandaye · 22/03/2016 16:18

Eyelashes and a fairy sticker OP?

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