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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu - supposedly left wing parents in London

134 replies

jimmyjoejamtoe · 20/03/2016 18:55

Who run screaming to the home counties "because of schools?"

You know the type, having moved FROM the home counties after uni to London, then spend the rest of their twenties in London feeling smug at how "wonderfully diverse, edgy" everything is in London with a sneer at "middle England" but then...

..they go private...
...move to somewhere bland and safe...
when kids their kids arrive.

Hang on, you've changed your tune.

Aibu to feel a little peeved at these metropolitan types as they empty smugly from my area/go private?

OP posts:
GoblinLittleOwl · 21/03/2016 09:04

Recognise the type, but the ones I know grew up in a country environment and genuinely want the same upbringing for their children.
What does annoy me is their loud profession of atheism, yet trying to bludgeon their way into church schools, one family even having their children baptised whilst despising it. Dishonest.

Whatatotalmess · 21/03/2016 09:50

It also seems a little unusual to celebrate the diversity of London and the fact that it is full of people from all over the world but then require everyone who lives there to stay and never leave themselves. It seems ato suggest almost that they have been "allocated" a patch of land which they then can't leave to pursue other ways of life. If we accept that diversity is a good thing then people have to be allowed to leave their original homes and go elsewhere.

MerryMarigold · 21/03/2016 09:53

I think the adults keep more to their nationality groups / comfort zones, but the children integrate into a multicultural setting at school. My dc are mixed race so this environment reflects them to an extent in any case

I think, especially with younger kids, that the parents really do dictate who the kids have round/ play with in the holidays/ come to parties. And this then spills into school to some extent, though they do play with others as well in a more casual way. Seriously diverse area I lived in, but the kids were definitely not integrated. It's not all one way: the amount of parties I had where I tried to invite children kids played with and were friends with at school, but who just never turned up or RSVPd because the parents didn't know me well...but I tried.

I think it's less about actual skin colour than culture/ parents' education/ jobs etc. So yes, in the m/c 'clique' there were (a very few) mixed race families but the parents were probably both born in the UK and educated here. It wasn't like the very many Pakistani/ Bengali/ Romanian/ Polish/ Algerian/ Moroccan etc. people integrating with the middle class bankers and lawyers.

sianihedgehog · 21/03/2016 09:59

YANBU
I have no idea how someone can talk all that talk and justify sending their kids to a paid school. My boy will attend his local comprehensive, and learn more about the world and society as a result.

Arpege · 21/03/2016 10:00

How do you learn more about the world at a comprehensive?

paxillin · 21/03/2016 10:35

The people fleeing do exist of course, but I find increasingly people do stay and educate at those diverse schools. From my circle only a three families have left for the middle class white suburbs, most are here. Kids are doing well.

They didn't stay for community cohesion, of course, but it is a welcome side effect. Many inner city schools had a lot of resources poured into them and free (or very cheap) instrumental lessons, sports and theatre are a big draw to the middle class families. In the 'burbs one parent has to turn taxi driver to make all this happen and it costs a bomb. Good universities are also quite keen to hear from kids coming from inner city comps and they don't ask if mum is an architect or dad a doctor.

oliviaclottedcream · 21/03/2016 10:41

People's views, priories and circumstances change OP. Remove chip off your shoulder is my advice.

brujo · 21/03/2016 10:44

London schools across the board get better results than home counties ones

I thought this was true - partly as more money per child was thrown at London children then many other parts of the UK for a bit which made an impact on results.

I surprised so many families manage to live in London - I really don't know how they manage it with house prices being.

FfionFlorist · 21/03/2016 11:06

Have always happily lived in market towns but work in London so I don't identify with your op directly, but good grief you need to keep your nose out of how other people decide to live their lives and bring up their children.

MissHooliesCardigan · 21/03/2016 11:13

Lol at the thought of 'shuddering' at raising kids in SW16. It's Streatham, not Afghanistan. My friend lives there with her 2 boys and they seem perfectly happy. I'll pass on your concern though.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 21/03/2016 11:14

I was one of those parents who thought my child would benefit from state school and it would be wrong to send him to private school as it went against my beliefs

Of course the state school I planned ds to get into was great the one he actually got into was poor, ofstead report did not match the shool at all viewing the school on a few occasions I could see that and they certainly did not match the assessment results

This is the problem in London (and I am sure elsewhere in the uk) you will have a school that is good house prices rise a school just half a mile away where the house prices are not so high the school often isn't as good this is to me a bigger issue than the private/state one. I know quite a few children who have siblings in very good state schools and they are on the waiting list

I had to put aside my political beliefs so ds got the better education and schooling conditions education. I don't regret this why would I keep him in a failing school just do he could apparently learn about real life Hmm

To have such differences in the state system is so often overlooked if this wasn't the case many parents would not go private of course some always will do

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 21/03/2016 11:17

SW16 is fine some parts not so fine

I still would rather live their that the nice out of London towns which to me lack vibrancy

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 21/03/2016 11:27

I'm in Lewisham (lefty, 3 kids thro or in state ed thanks op Grin) and would punch Jeremy Corbyn in the face if itd get me a house in SW16 instead

Thurlow · 21/03/2016 11:39

I agree with some of the others, sometimes its got a hell of a lot to more to do with finances than anything else.

I loved living in Brixton. Lived there for years. Got pregnant and realised that a) the 1-bed flat we could barely afford in certain parts of London was the same price as a 3-bed family home with a garden in commuterville, b) if we moved out of London we'd have family close enough to help occasionally.

Fuck it. Trendy and edgy and vibrant can go whistle for an actual garden and my mum near enough to help with a screaming newborn baby Grin

So YABU. It's not all about politics and 'being cool'.

Having said that, the most strident socialist I know (the one who will join picket lines and get drunk and rant at you for hours about how un-socialist you are and how evil the Lib Dems/Tories are) owns three houses, has a nanny and sends their kids to private school.

OnlyLovers · 21/03/2016 11:42

YANBU. It's weird, isn't it.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 21/03/2016 11:51

I think monwu dictates where most people choose to live

I have thought of moving out of London but just don't want to I love living here it's my home and always had been (apart from time abroad) and we would have to move away from everyone we know I have to take on more hours of working but that compromise is right for us it's not for everyone to stay in London

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 21/03/2016 11:51

Money dictates ....

Bloody auto correcting thingy

MerryMarigold · 21/03/2016 14:07

owns three houses, has a nanny and sends their kids to private school

I think it's brilliant they are willing to consider others' needs not just their own.

If the Tories mess up state education/ NHS even more, I would send my kids to private school and have private health insurance in a blink, if I had the cash. I think people are confused over what being a lefty means.

MrsFrisbyMouse · 21/03/2016 14:33

People change.
Personally find people who hold onto dogmatic beliefs regardless of changing societal shifts more annoying. Make all state schools the best they can be and look at admissions. I find the selection by stealth (IE you can afford to buy on the doorstep of a school) much more annoying and damaging.

HowBadIsThisPlease · 21/03/2016 14:57

I am wondering what the OP's problem is with people leaving. It sounds as if she doesn't mind being in a part of the city which is "vibrant" (i.e. a mix of multi racial WC and arty MC) but she does mind being on a "sink estate" (mainly multi racial WC and UC)

Otherwise, if you don't mind, it's just live and let live, innit?

GooseberryRoolz · 21/03/2016 14:59

We'll be off again soon. I hope I'm not actually going to have to apply for an exit permit

Who will make the decisions?

ephemeralfairy · 21/03/2016 15:00

A lot of them seem to go to Brighton, hence why I could never afford to live in my home town again Sad

lurked101 · 21/03/2016 15:19

"It's a central Labour principle that selective education is divisive"

Yet Mrs Thatcher closed more grammar schools than any Labour minister.

Love the London knocking and the left knocking on here at the same time.

Lots of bitterness and jealousy on this thread.

Have you never lived in London and wished you did? Plenty of folk live centrally and then move out, tbf I wouldn't for schools because London schools mostly out perform the rest of the country. I know a few left wing types who send their children private, but I don't know many. Most of them do so because they too went private.

I also don't get this if you back Labour you have to back it all policy.

I agree that selective schools are divisive, it a test of socio economics not ability, I think that private education isn't "better" you just buy certain privileges and access to opportunity for your children and then claim that they earned it, without acknowledging the privileges you paid for.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 21/03/2016 15:30

Make all state schools the best they can be and look at admissions. I find the selection by stealth (IE you can afford to buy on the doorstep of a school) much more annoying and damaging

completely agree Mrs Frisby and with the rest of your post

blobbityblob · 21/03/2016 16:11

Most of the people I know here who have "migrated" come for the reason, they want to work less hours once they have dc and they can't afford to in London.

And/or they want to get a more stable home (e.g. on the housing ladder) but can't afford to in London.

It's rarely just about schools. I think they might appease themselves by saying it's easier to find school places and isn't the countryside and fresh air great. But the actual reasons for many of them leaving are as above.

It might look like we've cut and run. But in reality we went down the trainline until the numbers added up. It's interesting what others figure out from it though. Didn't really see it as becoming more right wing myself. I see it as sad mainly that I can't afford to stay where I grew up. Maybe if they're going home it's about having family support.