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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask my partner not to wear this?

111 replies

littlethingsthatbug · 19/03/2016 19:25

My partner has several items of clothing that him and ex have matching items T-shirts, shorts ect Embroidered or printed relating to various stages in their relationship / Wedding day. I have no issue with him keeping stuff like this. I understand it's a period in both of our lives you cannot just forget.
I myself have a wedding dress at my mothers as well as a couple of wedding gifts which are personalised but have chosen to keep there until I decide what to do.

When we moved in I put them all at the back of the wardrobe neatly when I sorted all our clothes and he questioned where they had gone, I said that where they were and why (I did it basically because I didn't expect him to want to wear them but he obviously does). I know all about the reasons behind them and the backstories he couldn't help telling me and it's made it worse for me when he wears them.

Aibu to politely ask him not to wear these things?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
DinosaursRoar · 19/03/2016 21:01

OP - come back with photos of the offending items

YANBU - it is like he's not moved on. Keeping them, fine, wearing, not so much... It could well be that he just sees 'clothes' and has got past the stage of even noticing what they say, it's a comfy t-shirt/hoodie, not much thought beyond that.

(You also need to get to the bottom of who's idea it was to got them in the first place, if it was hers and he went along with it, not too bad, if it was his idea, I'd question if this is the sort of person you want to be with).

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/03/2016 21:02

I wonder who decides what they'll wear, the husband or the wife?

lighteningirl · 19/03/2016 21:02

I don't think it's possible to answer without photos

Baconyum · 19/03/2016 21:04

Seriously weird! Tbh I'd be be thinking he's not over the ex!

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2016 21:04

You're in AIBU lightening! No need for any pesky facts to get in the way of a good hoik Grin

MoonfaceAndSilky · 19/03/2016 21:04

Oh yes please come back with photos.
I just cannot picture what matching shorts would look like Confused

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 19/03/2016 21:04

You shouldn't need to ask, politely, or otherwise.

BigHairySpider · 19/03/2016 21:09

Is it a stag do t shirt or honeymoon budgie smugglers?
Whatever it is, it seems odd keeping a momento from a former marriage.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 19/03/2016 21:12

If you google 'couples outfits' a whole host of wonderful pictures appear Grin

OP, I think yanbu only if he wears them at the same time as her Confused

Aibu to ask my partner not to wear this?
RebootYourEngine · 19/03/2016 21:13

It would be ok to wear a normal tshirt bought by an ex but totally weird to wear something specific to an old relationship.

Floggingmolly · 19/03/2016 21:13

Oh Jesus, if it's honeymoon pants you need to get out now, op Hmm. Is that what you meant by shorts?

ProfessorPickles · 19/03/2016 21:15

I can't imagine what these matching clothes are!

steff13 · 19/03/2016 21:16

Re-reading this thread, I just had a flashback to a previous job. I worked for my county, and the director of our agency was a married woman in her 50s, they had not kids, but several shih tzus. Her office was decorated with "family" photos of her, her husband, and the dogs in matching outfits. Not embroidered, but things like his and hers navy polo shirts, with matching ones for the dogs. It wasn't just for photos, either, they frequently went out together in matching clothes, usually polo shirts and khaki pants.

Floggingmolly · 19/03/2016 21:17

So what exactly is embroidered on the tighty-whiteys, op?

ouryve · 19/03/2016 21:17

YWBU to move in together without thrashing this sort of things out in the first place.

But weird. Very weird.

anotherbusymum14 · 19/03/2016 21:19

Lol sorry that's sad and a bit funny really

novemberchild · 19/03/2016 21:21

I must know. Are they like these beauties? Eternal luurve.

Aibu to ask my partner not to wear this?
sparechange · 19/03/2016 21:29

The hotel that DH and I stayed at for our honeymoon had lots of Chinese guests, and I think all of the Chinese honeymooners had matching outfits. He would have board shorts in a pattern, she would have hot pants in the same pattern, and they'd have matching Tshirts. It was...odd

OP, is this like him still wearing the personalised T-shirt they had made up for his stag do, or that they used to have personalised t-shirts made up for their annual golfing holiday?
Stag-do, I would tolerate for painting and DIY but it would be hidden at the back of the wardrobe pronto. Everything else would be in the bin.

Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 19/03/2016 21:31

Bern married to DH for 9 years and together for 16.... He's got things in his wardrobe he wore pre-me . Even pre-uni..... Managed to squire most out but there is the one fucking tatty jumper !!!

MamaLazarou · 19/03/2016 21:34

PLEASE come back and describe the clothes, OP.

YANBU, by the way.

I do think it's a bit odd that you still have your wedding dress if you are divorced, though.

LogicalThinking · 19/03/2016 21:38

It really has to depend on what the items of clothing actually are.
If they are fairly generic clothes then I don't see what the problem is, but if they are personalised, then I don't see why he would want to wear them.

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2016 21:39

Oh my goodness steff, that's positively disturbing, did you ever innocently ask her about their fetish?

In their heads they must be thinking it's like an amazing visual bond that tells everyone else of the earth shattering love and loyalty they have between them, when in reality all anyone else can see are their insecurities, possessiveness and control.

What if you've both been happy to wear such outfits for years and then suddenly one decides they're sick of people pointing and laughing it all?

Could the relationship survive do you think? (I know, I'm overthinking something that'd never come up in my RL, or is that what the couples are bound to think before they met their Mr/Ms Right? )

VocationalGoat · 19/03/2016 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IntelligentPutty · 19/03/2016 21:42

I would have issue with that. YANBU at all...
I really want to know what these clothes are....

chocomochi · 19/03/2016 21:42

YANBU! Matching t-shirts bad enough but ones with specific places/dates on them. I'd be cross. And possibly let them have a tiny accident in the washing machine.