This Childs tantrum has been made into a much bigger deal than needed?

[WeDoNotSow]

Dp cousin was at ours with his DD.
When she left she was carrying a couple of DS's toy cars. I said to her 'goodbye X, can I have DS's car back please?'
She clutched on to them tighter, so I looked at her dad, who was just looking at me.
Then he then SIGHED and said 'X give sow the cars back', X starts crying.
DP then said 'oh don't worry, you can have them' so I said 'No she can't, they're not hers'
X then had a massive tantrum, 10 minutes later dad had managed to get the cars off her and left.
DP then asked me why I made such a big deal about it, as 'they were only cheap', and I said it didn't matter, they didn't belong to her, so does she just take home any of his toys she wants? He said obviously not, so I asked ok, what value do we go up to then?
He looks really confused and told me I made it into a much bigger thing than it needed to be?
I would NEVER let my DC leave another persons house with toys that didn't belong to them, regardless of they were 'cheap' or not.
I'm at the whole thing

You did the right thing - your DH was in the wrong.

My DS is also Y1, and without doubt, the toys he cares about the most are not the most expensive - your DH viewed those cars as pretty much worthless because they didn't cost a lot of money, but to your DS, they are his and at 6 they rarely view "value" in terms of how much something cost.

At Y1 your DN should definately understand the concept of being able to share someone's toys when at their house, but that they are the owners so it doesn't leave with her. Clearly, this sort of behaviour has been rewarded in the past, so she's learned that as long as you hold on to something at 'tidy up time' you get to keep it.

Agree it was more important that you taught your DS this is not something you agree with.

EatingMyWords - no, the DN started crying and didn't hand them back when told by her Dad to hand them back - having tried to hold on to them so she didn't have to hand them over. The OP's DP said she could have them after she started crying (clearly handled how to deal with a child crying because they didn't get their own way very badly!).

Oh right, misread that! It must have made her worse saying that, but not all his fault then.

Yes eating she was already crying and that made it worse. But to be honest the tantrum is neither here nor there to me.
My issue was with that two adults thought it was acceptable for her to take my sons toys, her df for pretending not to notice she had them and my DP for saying she could have them because she cried.

EatingMyWords You are actually eating your words

Glad she wasn't at my house. As I would have told her firmly to give my DS his toys back and go and get in the car NOW.

How on earth does she cope at school where they rules that she has to follow, does burst onto tears every time she doesn't want too do something.

It's not the first time ILost

Yes, the dads were a bit rubbish.

Is your DP your DSs dad?
You talk about your son as if he is only yours- and if that were the case I would be doubly pissed and I am not sure why..

Sounds like your DP's cousin need to be gifted a copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to be reminded what happens when a child gets everything they want.

Yanbu and a year 1 child shouldn't be having tantrums like that! Her dad should have told her to give them back at once! Your dp undermined you