Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This Childs tantrum has been made into a much bigger deal than needed?

110 replies

WeDoNotSow · 19/03/2016 16:26

Dp cousin was at ours with his DD.
When she left she was carrying a couple of DS's toy cars. I said to her 'goodbye X, can I have DS's car back please?'
She clutched on to them tighter, so I looked at her dad, who was just looking at me.
Then he then SIGHED and said 'X give sow the cars back', X starts crying.
DP then said 'oh don't worry, you can have them' so I said 'No she can't, they're not hers'
X then had a massive tantrum, 10 minutes later dad had managed to get the cars off her and left.
DP then asked me why I made such a big deal about it, as 'they were only cheap', and I said it didn't matter, they didn't belong to her, so does she just take home any of his toys she wants? He said obviously not, so I asked ok, what value do we go up to then?
He looks really confused and told me I made it into a much bigger thing than it needed to be?
I would NEVER let my DC leave another persons house with toys that didn't belong to them, regardless of they were 'cheap' or not.
I'm Hmm at the whole thing

OP posts:
RabbitSaysWoof · 19/03/2016 17:53

My friends toddler did this when mine was just turned three, I was too embarrassed to say fuck off no, she asked if her ds could borrow my ds's toy because he was attached to it, I reassured ds that they would give it back next time we see then even tho I was thinking weak I would never do that. But my ds quickly learned that he didn't like sharing anymore, he turned really tight fisted with he's toys over night, socialising with him was a bit of a nightmare for a while, he thought everyone was out to rob him. Yanbu, the men sound thick trying to apease a spoilt manipulative tantrum.

MadamDeathstare · 19/03/2016 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GingerIvy · 19/03/2016 17:55

We have had problems the other way, where I tell my 6yo "No" and someone else offers it to him because he is kicking off or tells me "oh let him have it, it's no big deal." Actually, it is a big deal and how the blazes can I be consistent when you interfere??? Hmm

Original poster
WeDoNotSow · 19/03/2016 17:59

Ok she shouldn't take the toys at that age but I would not have bothered making a scene over a couple of cheapy cars

I'm assuming you would bother making a scene over an expensive toy then?
Where's the line between what is and isn't worth causing a scene over?

OP posts:
SitsOnFence · 19/03/2016 18:00

he would have told me if he had said she could take them

In which case I think you did a great thing standing up for him. To have given his cars, however cheap and easily replaceable, away without his consent sends a very poor message and is in no way comparible to me secretly clearing the DC's old baby toys out

RabbitSaysWoof · 19/03/2016 18:01

It wouldn't cross my mind to reward a five year olds tantrum with biscuits either. It never takes long for food treats to become a solution on these threads. Kid cries in paddy? feed it, kid gets bored somewhere? feed it, kid hates waliking home from school? bring food. jesus no wonder there are so many picked eating threads.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/03/2016 18:03

The problem was the mixed signals given to this child. She probably thought she could manipulate the situation to her own advantage.
Not worth falling out with your DH over though.
Hopefully her dad has taken your point on board OP.

OohMavis · 19/03/2016 18:05

I thought you were going to say 2, but 4 and 6?!

Yeah they're going to have a wonderful time with her in the future.

Ameliablue · 19/03/2016 18:09

At that age, unless there are known special needs, I would expect the child to give them back, if it was a younger child or the child genuinely didn't understand sharing, I would have let her take them but ask for them back next time we see them.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/03/2016 18:09

Rabbit you are right but you have to pick your battles with children. It was her cousin's daughter, they were leaving after a (hopefully) nice day together and it sounds as though the visit ended on a low note with everybody feeling a bit put out.

Original poster
WeDoNotSow · 19/03/2016 18:10

No we won't fall out lost I think he just sees it as 'oh they're only cheap, just let her take them and I can pick him up a whole packet of them tomorrow for a couple of quid' whereas I to be honest see it as a violation for DS. Someone has come into his home and taken his belongings, just because he's a child he has a right to not have his things taken without his permission.

sits absolutely NOT comparable Grin

OP posts:
justmyview · 19/03/2016 18:10

Why did it take the girl's Dad 10 minutes to get the car off her ?!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/03/2016 18:13

Well I admire your ability to stand up for what's right sow I'm a bit more of an avoider of confrontation.

MrsWigster1991 · 19/03/2016 18:16

You handled it correctly op. Giving in would set a precedent for the future and like OP said when do you draw the line? £2, £5, £10, £100 toy?

Original poster
WeDoNotSow · 19/03/2016 18:18

I have no idea justmyview
She was on floor clutching toys to her chest, he was hovering saying 'come on X'
he offered to get her sweets for those who suggested biscuits and some various other bargains, after 10 mins he just took them off her.
I think at first he was just waiting for me to say she could have them to be honest

OP posts:
honkinghaddock · 19/03/2016 18:21

Op, how often do you see this child?

Original poster
WeDoNotSow · 19/03/2016 18:23

Honking Not that much now, used to see a lot more of her as they lived closer to us then

OP posts:
OzzieFem · 19/03/2016 18:23

OP - YANBU. The cost of the toy is immaterial, it's the sentimental attachment to it that counts. How many adults have something that is inexpensive but is loved.

The men took the easy way out when confronted by emotional outburst as usual, the father obviously knew what would happen, which is why he did not tell his daughter to give them back without your prompting.

Good on you for sticking up for your son. Halo

Original poster
WeDoNotSow · 19/03/2016 18:25

Mean to say saw a lot more of her when they were toddlers

OP posts:
Original poster
WeDoNotSow · 19/03/2016 18:27

Ozzie
I assumed that he hadn't noticed when they were leaving, as he was chatting with DP, but I think you're right and that he knew what would happen.

OP posts:
Damselindestress · 19/03/2016 18:31

YANBU. She needs to learn that she can't get her own way if she throws a tantrum and can't take things that aren't hers. At the end of the day, children actually find boundaries more reassuring than uncertainty or being able to dictate the rules to adults. She would have cried and then got over it, I think her father and your DP both drew it out a bit by pandering to her. If you gave in and gave her the toys then she wouldn't really have understood that it's because the toys were cheap or for the sake of a quiet life, she would just have known she got away with it and might try it again and then as you said, where does it end? Your DS wouldn't really know or care about the value of the toys either, he would just see his things being given away.

pigeonpoo · 19/03/2016 18:31

YANBU

Hth

ijustwannadance · 19/03/2016 18:31

Year 1! Little madam. She clearly knows how to get her own way with her dad.

Good on you not giving in. No way I would let my 5yo take someone else's toys. My dad used to give our stuff away like that when we were kids. No asking us. We wouldn't know until they were gone. He just didn't realise that some things, no matter how cheap, can be sentimental or irreplaceable.

Gobbolino6 · 19/03/2016 18:32

YANBU. The tantrum had to be suffered to teach her something.

228agreenend · 19/03/2016 18:34

You were definantly right.