AIBU to remind you that there are real people on this forum

[chelle792]

Most things on MN go over my head. Nastiness, I ignore generally. Heated debates, I stay out of.

For the first time my bloody is literally boiling about something I've just read.

Please please remember there is a person behind the screen that you are talking to. Imagine a person close to the edge, a vulnerable person. Someone whose only means of support is to turn to mn.

I've had a hard time lately and have openly posted on here. Tbh, I only ever really post when I am feeling vulnerable. I have had nothing but support and understanding, thankyou

But, would you want to be the person responsible for tipping someone over the edge? Be nice people, please.

Mumsnet does attract trolls and GFs and also the bossy middle class 'RIGHT, op, I am RIGHT and you WILL do as I say.'

The latter is approved of under the guise of tough love and if you don't comply you are a troll or you are ignoring helpful advice and a time waster.

Pinch of salt. Some people take it waaaaay too seriously, including me sometimes.

Oh give it up with the 'I'm so much nicer than everyone else' OP.

I agree. You are trying to play the innocent 'oh I'm so naive to think people aren't nice like me'.

This is an anonymous forum. Anybody can sign up, from a criminal, troll, unhinged to genuine nice people. You just don't know, so it's totally your issue if you chose to invest more of yourself. I'm not sure why you are acting all so surprised and shocked here.

I've read on here that some trolls even build up a 'nice' profile for a while before posting a really horrible thread. The point is you just don't know what the intentions are.

Yep...I think it's fine to think that people could be kinder, but I don't think you quite get to 'remind' anyone, because everyone here is already aware.
No amount of insisting that everyone should just be a bit more like you will ever change the public nature of this forum.

throwingshadeaagin

If you don't like a thread or a poster, leave the thread, ignore the poster
^^ this.

Perhaps you should take your own advice it didn't take too long for this thread to turn nasty did it?

Its a nasty place, but fast moving.

Not all the people here are 'real'. So many threads are just someone's invention. Its an entertainment, not a counselling session.

mn is not the Samaritans.
its not a fluffy sight and never has been,
it can be massively supportive and also really nasty.....just like rl.

I don't think it's a nasty place. You get the odd nasty poster. But hide the right topics and its OK.

I've only recently joined and have seen an incredible amount of support and kindness.

I agree with pictish too.
People need to take responsibility for what they post and it's unwise to make yourself vulnerable. There are all sorts of people out there and it's a huge public forum.

It's a random collection of posters. It changes by the time of the day, by the section and the thread.
Plus we change. I am lovely a lot of the time and then can suddenly post like a twat. I try to apologise but sometimes I probably don't.
But it's not one thing or another.
I think there are more determined arseholes than there used to be. And I think people don't challenge as much. Instead we get the absoloutely inevitable 'I think the op is getting a hard time' which is pretty pointless.

I agree with pictish too. And this is why I so strongly feel that all the suicide threads should be locked or deleted. For every kindly Mumsnetter willing to listen and hold hands there might be a vicious arsehole out there who could "push someone over the edge". If the only place you have to turn for comfort is Mumsnet then the VERY first thing you need is some rl help.

I have been flamed for saying that bibbity, for daring to suggest only having MN for support is not a good idea and RL help should be sought.
How did everyone manage before MN and when Jeff brought the site down for days?

Playing devils advocate what if somebody doesn't have RL help?

It's all very well saying 'get some' but how?

It's not like you can nip to the pharmacy and get immediate relief or treatment like you can for a headache or athletes foot or thrush.

Depends what sort of help they need really.

Internet forums can be brilliant places to seek advice and tips.

But seeking actual support from a group of faceless, anonymous strangers from all over the UK and beyond, is dangerous, especially if you're at a low point in your life.

It's the equivalent of running into a huge crowd at a public event, and telling everyone you're at your most vulnerable, and then trusting those people to take care of you...regardless of the fact some of those people will have their own issues.

You might strike lucky and find one or two people can really help, but you have a lot more chance of finding the exact opposite, so why risk it?

The advice from the Samaritans (which HQ actually sought out) is to post a message with a link to their phone number. The Samaritans might not be perfect but if you call them you will get through to a trained volunteer who will listen and not act like an arsehole.

I've turned to mumsnet quite a few times when I've been really low ( relationship/ parenting issues ) the help & support I received was truly amazing & really got me through - sometimes people haven't got RL support, or would prefer anonymous help.
I'll turn to mumsnet again in the future if I need help, it helps me so much.

Anonymous help is a very dangerous concept. A load of opinions from unqualified people on an internet forum.
In a lot of cases the GP is a good place to start for RL help.

But I haven't always got people I can talk to in RL ( or trust! )

Quite, Surfer

Samaritans is a brilliant charity but also, a telephone conversation is quite intense compared to a thread you can dip in and out of.

I've been upset by threads on here, but I've also received a lot of support so on balance I think MN enhances my life.

Sometimes, you just have to assume people are adults and can make their own choices.

I agree with OP. I hate the fact that people think things should be different just because it is the internet - and I am an Internet veteran, having posted on forums since about 1999. It still shocks me when people are vicious and I think when we cease to be shocked by that, something is very wrong with us, with society, with the medium itself.

I am very pleased that, in recent years, trolls have been called to account and are finally being treated like real criminals in some cases. There is some awful stuff going around which just wouldn't happen in other real life situations.

It depends on the sort of help you need though.

There's also a difference between help and support.

I think it's dangerous to turn to a chat forum if you need actual support.

People have their own issues and you don't need them projecting them onto you, when you're really vulnerable.

If you want to take advice from strangers on the internet then you take your chances.

Everyone managed before the internet and MN were invented.

But how would you police that in practice, Worra? :) Yes, there are all sorts of threads that may be a bad idea and won't end well (and sometimes those ominous sounding warnings are stated by those with a vested interest in it not ending well) but people do ultimately have the right to behave in a way we may feel is unwise and make decisions we might think aren't going to benefit them -it's still their decision.

That's also the ethos of the Samaritans.

Oh is that a troll